Bed wetting

monty-doggy

Can anyone help, I'm at my wits end. My step daughter is almost 12. She's been wetting the bed since she was 5/6 she was dry before that. Her mum blames it on her and my oh splitting up, however I feel she's just making excuses.
I've taken dd to the doctors numerous times, we got a bed wetting alarm first but because she is only here 2/3 nights a week, her mum wouldn't use it or couldn't be bothered with it so it didn't work.

Her mum went to the dr and was prescribed desmopressin which did work for a while with the odd accident but she never goes back for the repeat prescription and we are constantly asking her for the tablets.

Dd won't get up to go to the toilet and even when she is bursting she will just allow herself to wee while walking to the bathroom, ruining my carpets, and as it's often the middle of the night, it's dry by morning and smells.

I never shout at her, we have a rule that she puts the soiled bedding in the bathtub so it won't make the floor or carpet smell and I just wash it without question. She then has a shower in the morning.

Just to add it's never just a bit, she wees an awful lot so much that her hair is wet, her bedding is soaked and anything else she's had on the bed.

The last three times she has wet, she has lied about it and I've just found soiled sheets stuffed under her bed. I asked her why and she said because she didn't want a shower and she didn't want us to shout.

I'm absolutely at my wits end and I need to find a way to resolve this.
We are having problems with her lying a lot at the moment anyway but we cannot afford to be replacing carpets etc because she is dishonest!

Has anyone else had such problems and managed to find a solution?

pinkshoes

No idea to be honest, but could you limit her drink intake after 5pm, make sure she goes to the toilet before bed, then wake her up at 11pm to make her go pee?

My aunt did this with my cousin who wet the bed until about the age of 11.

RedFraggle

Poor girl. I think you need to get her back to the GP and make sure they are aware of the extent of the issue. Does she empty her bladder before going to bed? And have you set a cut off for fluid intake before bedtime? I think the stress thing might be a red herring and if she is agreeable I'd be pushing for checking whether there is a physical cause.

monty-doggy

We've tried that, but have found she has sneaked a drink! I woke her up at 1am this morning to go to the toilet and she went!

I don't mean to sound harsh, I've not told her how angry I am, it's not because she wets I'm angry, it's a combination of her mother refusing to help or acknowledge there is a problem, and the lies about it!

I think she should be referred to a specialist.

Another note, she NEVER wets if she stays at a friends house, which I find odd!

couponqueen123

if u stop her drinking hour before bed and wake her for a wee 2 hours after then before u go bed that could work

or she may have a genuine weak bladder why dosnt dad take her doc and plead with them to do more tests?

i understand its hard but if shes doing it every nite theres a reason for it ,

monty-doggy

Her dad works full time and her school is far away, but I'm not working at the minute. I wonder if the dr will see me with her? I could pick her up in the car and drop her back at school.

hlw1810

Has she hit puberty yet? Just to give you some hope, my daughter was the same till around age 12 then it just stopped as soon as she hit puberty. She couldn't help it, she was just a really deep sleeper. We tried it all - the nasal spray, the alarms. Nothing worked until she just naturally outgrew it. It tends to run in families too - another of mine wasn't dry until age 7 and I was a bed wetter until about 8 or 9 I think. She's obviously ashamed if she's hiding sheets. Please try not to be angry with her.

monty-doggy

I've not told her I'm angry. I just talked to her about it and reminded her to put the sheets in the bath so her room won't smell. She swears it never happens at her mums so I'm confused.

I asked her if she wants me to take her to the dr and she said no because she is scared they will do an operation

She's not quite hit puberty yet, she's developing breasts and horrendous mood swings but no periods or body hair etc.

I just wish her mum was more supportive and we could work together to solve it.

RedFraggle

If she only does it at your house then it's quite likely psychological (aware I'm now contradicting myself). Where is the bathroom in your house? Is it downstairs? Is that a problem? I was really scared of the dark as a child and would sometimes wet as I was too scared to get out. I never ever told my mum that. I always said I woke up going. Is there an easy to use lock on the door? Has anyone accidentally walked in on her? Does she have a dressing gown at yours? When going through puberty girls can be very shy of Dads.

monty-doggy

Her bedroom is next to the bathroom, and we leave a light on for her. Yes she has a dressing gown.

I honestly think it started off because of upheaval when her mum and dad split as she lived in four different houses and changed school twice. However that was 7 years ago and I think it's become habit now.

clark24

I realise she may not wish to wear them but have you tried incontinence pads (the massive Tena ones) or is she wanting to pee everywhere as a sign of emotional trauma, such as a dog will if it is upset.

A friend of my daughters when they were at first school used to wet the bed too, so she had to wear large 'nappies' and she did it to cause upset to her parents (she had a lot of emotional problems) but I would think a 12 year old that does it and seems to not care is one that probably needs some sort of therapy, does her school have a counsellor, or could her GP refer her to one?

The GP will also be able to refer her to a Continence nurse, who can assist in getting the continence pads and also help her train her bladder, but from the sounds of it she is doing it to you on purpose because of an emotional problem not because of a physical one, but obviously it cannot continue.

I hope you find a way to resolve it.