What would you do RE Friends

neneromanova

I typed something long out but thought it was too waffly so here goes again :rotfl:

Would you want to stay friends with people who didn't invite you out when they all got together and only thought of you as an after thought?

These friends all had their babies later than I did (I'm on number 3, they're on number 1).

OH says just forget them, they've hurt you enough by doing this so many times. So does my mum. But I just can't get over the fact that when we're all together we all seem to have a good time. I think we do from my perspective, but I don't know if they put on an act then !!!!! behind my back. (I have low self confidence when it comes to friends, always think they talk about me behind my back saying horrible things) I just don't seem to be able to make friends, even down DD's school. I have people who I talk to, but no one really wants to spend time with me, or go out for coffee or anything. Where as if I asked one of the other friends, she'd always say yes to meeting me.

Urgh, I'm waffling again....This probably makes no sense at all.

What would you all do?

paulineb_2

No, I wouldnt stay friends with people who asked me out as an afterthought and Ive just got rid of friends who did exactly that to me.

[Deleted User]

I feel for you as I feel exactly the same, always on the outside of friendships and within the playground. Just wanted to let you know your not alone and I totally understand how you feel.

It shouldn't hurt, but it does sting sometimes doesn't it?

kerri_gt

It might be that they (rightly or wrongly) assumed you were busy with your babies previously, now they are in a similar boat they may actually see things from another perspective. How do you know you are an 'afterthought ' do some of them see each other or speak more often so perhaps arrange things then and ask you after? In that case it might not be an afterthought, just circumstance timing. Perhaps in the past you have been unable to go out with them when asked so they have gone ahead and made arrangements first to meet up, then asked you hoping you would come, but assuming or thinking on past behaviour you wouldn't?

Have you discussed this with any of your friends? They might feel you've moved away from them in the past? Friendships do change over time, sometimes we are close to certain friends, and other times through no fault of anyone, our lives just lead us on separate paths for a bit.

POPPYOSCAR

Depends on how much you enjoy yourself when you are out with them, if you would miss it then carry on if this outweighs everything else.

But they are not true friends if you are an afterthought and if it upsets you then why bother?

CH27

Do you only see them as a group or do you see one or two individually?

neneromanova

Deleted_User wrote: »

I feel for you as I feel exactly the same, always on the outside of friendships and within the playground. Just wanted to let you know your not alone and I totally understand how you feel.

It shouldn't hurt, but it does sting sometimes doesn't it?

Yeah it does. especially when you see other mothers making a straight be-line for their friends when they turn up in the playground to wait for their kids.

kerri_gt wrote: »

It might be that they (rightly or wrongly) assumed you were busy with your babies previously, now they are in a similar boat they may actually see things from another perspective. How do you know you are an 'afterthought ' do some of them see each other or speak more often so perhaps arrange things then and ask you after? In that case it might not be an afterthought, just circumstance timing. Perhaps in the past you have been unable to go out with them when asked so they have gone ahead and made arrangements first to meet up, then asked you hoping you would come, but assuming or thinking on past behaviour you wouldn't?

Have you discussed this with any of your friends? They might feel you've moved away from them in the past? Friendships do change over time, sometimes we are close to certain friends, and other times through no fault of anyone, our lives just lead us on separate paths for a bit.

I have always been able to meet up with them. I was an afterthought as one week on Facebook they all arranged over statuses to go to a local soft play that I told one of the friends about and didn't invite me. Then the next week they arranged to meet up at one persons house the day before. an hour before it was to happen, they tagged me in the status and said "oh yeah, you can come too if you like"

I haven't mentioned anything to them yet.

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

Depends on how much you enjoy yourself when you are out with them, if you would miss it then carry on if this outweighs everything else.

But they are not true friends if you are an afterthought and if it upsets you then why bother?

I really enjoy myself with them. They're the only ones I go out drinking/dancing with. Yeah I would miss that. But then It does really hurt when I see them organising things without me.

monty-doggy

I'd ask them. You've nothing to lose! If they get funny with you then they weren't true friends to begin with.

Alternatively they may not realise they had done it and feel awful! In which case hopefully won't happen again!

neneromanova

CH27 wrote: »

Do you only see them as a group or do you see one or two individually?

I see them as a group and singly, but I see one of the ladies more than the other.

marisco_2

neneromanova wrote: »

I don't know if they put on an act then !!!!! behind my back. (I have low self confidence when it comes to friends, always think they talk about me behind my back saying horrible things)

Could it be that none of the above is actually happening though? Unless you address the issues that affect how you perceive peoples behaviours and actions, then no friendships that you share with others will ever feel good or right to you.

CH27

neneromanova wrote: »

I see them as a group and singly, but I see one of the ladies more than the other.

Have you talked to her about feeling a bit sidelined at times?