What does he want? If anything

Pollycat

Ash__ wrote: »

I just want the best for him.

Then stop letting what other people are saying about him cloud your judgement.

You've said he's never been anything but nice to you.

I'll say this again:

Pollycat wrote: »

I think you should take a good hard look at what you are believing about him and question if you are as good a friend to him as he appears to be to you.

Ash__

I know, but at the moment theres more hate than love for him

Pollycat

I give up - and from the lack of replies from other posters, I may not be the only one. :wall:

He doesn't deserve you as a friend.
And I don't mean that as a compliment to you.

Ash__

I know I am a little messed up. but I am trying to get my head around things.

Ash__

I dont want to be a jealous clingy type. I know I'm a little messed but I am trying to improve things

Ash__

I'm sorry if you think I am bad.

Voyager2002

Ash__ wrote: »

I agree. but people are saying things like "He gave a DVD he got free from a newspaper as a gift" and that if you borrow money off him he is chasing for it back, but to me he is completely different. If I want a hug he will give me a hug. If I want to talk he will listen or if I fancy something from the shop he would go.

I would do both of those things... so long as the DVD was something that I thought the person would enjoy watching the way I got it is completely irrelevant.

Voyager2002

Ash__ wrote: »

I'm sorry if you think I am bad.

It doesn't matter what anyone here thinks: we don't know you.

What matters is that you have a really good friend and you are not being loyal to him: the people who say bad things about him are obviously not worth listening to.

RuthnJasper

If your experiences with him are good, build on these. From what you write, he sounds like a decent guy, but none of us know him.

I certainly wouldn't be judging him by what his ex says - her voice is not an impartial one. Six years is a long enough time for a person to have shown their true colours; I would have thought that you'd have seen at least some signs of him being a conniving little sh*t by now, if he WAS dodgy.

If all that you say is true, then I'd be looking to continue my friendship/whatever with him (please use contraceptives if things are heading in that direction - you don't need that complication by the sounds of things).

But really, the only way to resolve this is to talk to HIM. Openly and honestly, without anyone else sticking their oar in (possibly apart from your mum and your kids IF they are old enough). You'll get further talking to him than you will by asking for vague opinions from strangers on a forum. If you could quote conversations some better advice might be forthcoming, but we don't know much beyond the fact that he sounds quite decent, his ex is a selfish loud-mouth, and you aren't sure of your feelings.

Good luck, whatever you choose to do. x

tillyenna

Honestly - I would talk to him about it. Start a conversation along the lines of 'it's always confusing when friends of different sexes live together, and we've been living together for a while, and I guess I'm getting kind of confused in my head, so I just wanted to touch base and see where we are from your perspective'


In other news - I had a friend like this, always there for me, the best shoulder to cry on when I was down about my relationships, and I only felt platonically about him, although I knew I couldn't ever picture my life without him in it... to cut a long story short, we're getting married in September - it's awesome :-D