Opinions needed re wedding issues please

jackyann

I can understand your OH - he only has his daughter to be concerned about - you have 2 children, a number of siblings....and presumably their partners (and maybe neices & nephews?)
I would draw up your list & book your date. You don't say if you are planning an informal buffet or BBQ at home, or a restaurant meal, but you may need to book that too.
Then decide, based on how you think your family would react, whether you are best to say "we wanted a get-together" and announce your marriage at the meal, or tell them a few days in advance the reason why.
My own inclination (based on my family) would be to let them know, but without enough time to fuss.
Detective story fans will remember that Lord Peter Wimsey sent telegrams saying "if you want to see me married, try St. Cross Church, Oxford, tomorrow at 2"
If they love you, they'll be happy, whatever.

burnoutbabe

I'd keep it just kids and no one else then, to avoid offense amongst anyone - if someone takes a few others but you don't take "the equivalent" then yes, that could cause offense.

I may do it with both sets of parents only., maybe also have siblings - we have 1 each (but their OH and kids stay back at house for garden party later). Just need to keep things even across who is invited - you'd offend if you invited siblings one side but not the other side.

Floss

fivetide wrote: »

Is this something you need to do via marriage?


If neither of you are bothered and it is just for asset division in case the worst happens (touch wood etc) then can you not achieve the same by getting water tight wills drawn up?

It is an awful lot easier to sort out finances after bereavement if the deceased was your spouse than your partner, no matter how watertight the will.

Mojisola

swingaloo wrote: »

My partner has no family other than a daughter where as I have a large family. 2 children and 6 sisters and a brother.

It's worth looking at how you want your children to be treated after your deaths. It can cause massive upsets in families if the child/children of one partner end up inheriting everything while the other's offspring get nothing.

esmerelda98

Solutions that may be suitable for other people will not necessarily be suitable for you. I understand you do not want a 'circus'. Neither would I. However, inviting almost 20 people to your wedding need not make it circus-like. You want to have a meal with them to celebrate anyway, so will it really grieve you to have them at your unfussy ceremony? Especially if you keep the notice period short so that there isn't a big build up? Otherwise you will be the one who has to deal with the hurt feelings, you may not be able to shrug them off as easily as other posters. I certainly get the feeling you won't.

busiscoming2

peachyprice wrote: »

If you're only doing it for practical purposes why do you need to even tell anyone you've done it? Just get married and carry on with life.

This is just what I was thinking. Maybe tell your children that you are going to do this but only if you think they will understand. If not just do it and don't actually tell anyone.

pollypenny

My sister and BIL just got married without telling anyone in the family. No one minded, just glad they were happy.

The whole wedding thing has become an expensive circus, anyway.

Do whatever makes you happy.

duchy

My parents told no-one except one sibling who was their witness.
They went in the morning to Lambeth registry office- came home , finished packing up the house as we had sold but the new house wasn't ready and my Dad went into digs as he had to work and Mum took the kids by train and ship to Ireland to visit her family over there......so they never even had a honeymoon -it was just a handy day to do it as my Dad had the day off work for packing anyway.

We kids found out about 35 years later !

(They hadn't married previously for religious reasons (mixed marriage and bigots on both sides of the family)and this was simply the legal ceremony Mum already used my Dad's name and people assumed they were married anyway- It really was "just to make it legal" . )

I'm really not sure if it is purely for practical reasons why the OP needs to tell anyone beforehand or at the time with any kind of announcement if it changes nothing and is only for legal protection-if it changes nothing else then why mention it.

theoretica

I wonder if having a small party afterwards might actually make it more difficult. Making it sort of an event for celebration rather than keeping it purely clinical and legal.

MrsC....tobe

There are so many different ways to do it and in the end you will choose the ones that's right for you.
We decided we didn't want the huge wedding and with only immediate family, grandparents, and a couple of friends each we totalled 40 for daytime, too big as far as we were concerned.
We shipped off abroad without any family, only told a few people, and a couple of friends came with us. There was a lot more people at the wedding as it was during an annual holiday for another event.
We married, we had photos, we ate, we changed, and we joined in with everyone else again just as normal.

On our return we had a blessing which included us, kids, DHs parents and gran, my parents and step parents and one sister, total of 13 including us. After the blessing we had a meal where everyone paid their own and then it was back to the in laws to sit in the garden for the evening.

No fuss, no stress, and everything was exactly the way we wanted it, and we wouldn't change the way we did it for everyone.
I still have family who are not please that they weren't invited (they wouldn't have come anyway as it was abroad) and infact they haven't even acknowledged the fact we got married. Their sadness if they want to be bitter, not ours.

Do it the way you want, regardless of what others may think and say, just make sure the way you do it's right for you and if you invite others or let them know it's happening don't let them try to sway you in how you do it, stick to your guns!