Opinions needed re wedding issues please

Georgiegirl256

If you've already been married before, then this is your chance to do it the way you want to do it.

I take it all your siblings were at your first wedding? Then if so, surely they should understand that you've been there and done the whole big wedding thing and that you hate being the centre of attention, and should therefore respect your wishes.

My views are that you should just go ahead and do it your way, it's yours and your OH's wedding, and you should do exactly what you want to do....if you don't, you'll probably just end up regretting it.

savingmummy

My brother and his now ex wife told us they were going to get married and that was that! No date/place was told to anyone and we only knew the day afterwards.

We didn't mind at all, it was what they wanted to do and we accepted that.
Someone will be miffed but they will soon get over it

Good luck!

wapow

swingaloo wrote: »

Yes they are 2 of my sisters. what you suggest is exactly what wanted to do, its just the more I thought about it the more I thought I may offend people who may want to attend the actual ceremony. I think that's my sticking point.

Go for it and don't look back
Thing is, you could confide in your sisters and tell them that only they know etc but somehow, people always find out. You will end up offending someone somewhere down the line. It always happens.
You'd be better off doing what your gut tells you, what you've wanted to do and you may even realise that people aren't all that fussed

meritaten

its just a legality for you so do it your way. book the registrar, take the children and make it a small private ceremony. inform the family afterwards.
a marriage is a 'contract between two people' and THEY are the ones that matter. and the piece of paper which makes it legal in the eyes of the 'law'. Promise everyone a party later in the year if you feel you must.

Anatidaephobia

wapow wrote: »

I'd say just get married without telling anyone. Pull two witnesses off the street if you have top.

Then invite everyone to a meal and tell them AT the meal that you're married just because it may make things easier and its no fuss etc.

I agree with this. If you want to include your children as witnesses then include them and meet up with the rest of the family afterwards for a meal and tell them at the meal. To be polite or to soften the blow, you could apologise for not including them but say you just wanted it to be the two of you.

margaretclare

This reminds me of my half-brother's wedding. He sent email messages saying it was his daughter's 18th birthday, they were having a party in their garden to celebrate, and at the end 'oh by the way we're getting married'.

They were very much of your mind. He's the product of a bigamous marriage, an atheist, so to him a wedding was purely a practical administrative thing. No sentiment at all.

We asked if we could go to the wedding. Well, we could go if we liked, we'd be welcome, but it wouldn't be much of a ceremony.

They had done their best to play it down. I was definitely the most overdressed person there! To me a wedding is a wedding, an occasion, and I dressed as if for any other special occasion. Her mother, by contrast, wore an old mac, the kind some people use for gardening. Because of where they live, it was in a very historic building and the 2 women registrars really did do their best to make it special. I used to think that registry office weddings were sort of 'in and out', very 'administrative' and not much emotion. They're a bit different nowadays from what they used to be. Those registrars were lovely but nevertheless, it was a very brief although a happy and cheerful ceremony.

Afterwards, in the garden, I said to him 'You can tell me to mind my own business but...why marriage, and why now?' He said that we are not a long-lived family, he would have a good retirement pension from his career and he wanted her to be able to inherit it, no question. In fact he has had bowel cancer in the last couple of years so, maybe, his decision was prescient. I think he wanted the wedding more than she did. Any woman, you would think, would make the effort to dress up a little bit, but she didn't.

I'm glad DH and I got married in 2002 although, after 2 failed marriages, I understood why he didn't really want to, not until he got his head round the idea. In the autumn of 2001 we had our 'big trip' to North America - this was just after 9/11 - and we visited various friends and family across the continent. At least 3 of those people did their best to convince him that he should marry me. For us it was never going to be 'just for administrative reasons'.

However, people get married for all kinds of reasons and in all kinds of ways. For me, it would always be an occasion, one to wear a pretty dress and to celebrate. But that's just me, maybe.

PuzzledDave

I just cannot understand why people can get upset about 'their' role (or lack of) at someone else's wedding. It just smells of unbridled selfishness.

Brighton_belle

swingaloo wrote: »

I have always said that if we did decide to marry I would want no fuss at all, just nip to the registry office, grab 2 witnesses and back home by lunchtime type of thing. No cake, wedding dress, photographers etc.

I just don't want a circus..
Id just like to get married alone and then have an intimate small gathering for a meal.

swingaloo wrote: »

I just wanted no fuss at all,

I know it sounds silly but I don't want any type of 'Occasion' I just want to go in my everyday clothes and do it in the same way I would go to a hospital appointment. I know it sounds a bit illogical...but I hate fuss.

OP, non of this sounds 'silly' or illogical': you feelings are your feeling so totally legitimate. And so far absolutely everyone seems to have said, have the wedding you want.
Whatever you do, someone may be a little upset, who knows, but you will dread a wedding that isn't the way you need it to be.
Would I be offended to be excluded? Well I may be a little sad if it was someone important to me, BUT, I would totally respect their individual needs to do it their way and would be warm and supportive.

PasturesNew

Most people feel relieved they weren't invited to a wedding .....

And most people would only feel "put out" if others were invited and not them, when they felt they should have been higher up the list. So as you're not inviting anybody it's OK to invite nobody.

peachyprice

If you're only doing it for practical purposes why do you need to even tell anyone you've done it? Just get married and carry on with life.