Opinions needed re wedding issues please

swingaloo

I just wanted to run this by you all and get opinions as to how people would feel.

I have been with my partner 9 years and we have never wanted to get married. However as we are both getting older we feel that the time is right to do so. Its not for romantic reasons, its simply to make things easier if one of us dies or should be very ill (next of kin and all that).

My partner has no family other than a daughter where as I have a large family. 2 children and 6 sisters and a brother.

I have always said that if we did decide to marry I would want no fuss at all, just nip to the registry office, grab 2 witnesses and back home by lunchtime type of thing. No cake, wedding dress, photographers etc.

However, now we have decided to take the plunge in the summer I am getting more and more worried about hurting peoples feelings.

I was thinking we would get married on our own then have close family for a meal but I have 2 sisters I am very close to and don't know if their feelings would be hurt if I didn't ask them to be present. Of course if I ask them then I will be obligated to ask the others. My partner would like to ask his best friend to be his witness but he has a wife so we would need to ask her as well which would seem wrong if we don't have my siblings there.

I just don't want a circus but if I just ask my close family, his best friend and wife and my best friend and her husband that's nearly 20 people.

I considered just getting married then asking all of them to a meal and making the announcement but Im worried that some of them may feel a bit put out that I had done it that way. One of my sisters lives over 300 miles away so I would have to let her into what was happening to get her to travel up.

Id just like to get married alone and then have an intimate small gathering for a meal. I feel sure that one of my sisters in particular would be upset not to be asked to the ceremony.

If you were one of a large family would you be offended if one of your siblings did it that way.

duchy

I'd go abroad and get married there. It's cheap and avoids the sort of complications you are talking about. Throw a party when you come back to announce it.

Bennifred

If I were in your position I wouldn't worry about the siblings, but I would include your respective children.

Congratulations in advance! :beer:

wapow

duchy wrote: »

I'd go abroad and get married there. It's cheap and avoids the sort of complications you are talking about. Throw a party when you come back to announce it.

Good suggestion.

Also OP, you have a good method in mind. I don't think anyone would be offended by your idea to get married then afterwards invite them all to a meal.

If I may suggest, make a phonecall to all those important people (20 or so) Inform them that you are getting married by registrar and that you will invite them all for a meal afterwards and inform them of plans. Something along them lines and make it clear you don't expect them to get pressies or cards etc you'll be happy with their presence for a meal.

swingaloo

Thank you for the replies. Going abroad isn't an option as we have just had a holiday abroad (which is where we had the conversation re getting married) we cant afford to go again at the moment.

I just wanted no fuss at all, I know its not romantic but we are very happy together and see it just as a practical thing. We did plan to take the 3 of our children, the youngest is 17 so in effect they could be the witnesses.

I know that if I ring round everyone and tell them in advance then at least 2 of them will pressure me to let them be there.
I know it sounds silly but I don't want any type of 'Occasion' I just want to go in my everyday clothes and do it in the same way I would go to a hospital appointment. I know it sounds a bit illogical and I cant really explain why I want it this way but I hate fuss. I had a big wedding first time round and hated being the centre of attention but Im very conscious of not wanting to upset others.

Other half is not much help, his take on it is 'don't let it get you stressed out, I will go along with whatever you want, they are your family so you must decide'.

wapow

I presume the two are your sisters?
If everyone knows you well enough then hopefully they will understand and let you have it your way. Remember, you are in control.

I'd say just get married without telling anyone. Pull two witnesses off the street if you have top.

Then invite everyone to a meal and tell them AT the meal that you're married just because it may make things easier and its no fuss etc.

swingaloo

wapow wrote: »

I presume the two are your sisters?
If everyone knows you well enough then hopefully they will understand and let you have it your way. Remember, you are in control.

I'd say just get married without telling anyone. Pull two witnesses off the street if you have top.

Then invite everyone to a meal and tell them AT the meal that you're married just because it may make things easier and its no fuss etc.

Yes they are 2 of my sisters. what you suggest is exactly what wanted to do, its just the more I thought about it the more I thought I may offend people who may want to attend the actual ceremony. I think that's my sticking point.

balletshoes

Bennifred wrote: »

If I were in your position I wouldn't worry about the siblings, but I would include your respective children.

Congratulations in advance! :beer:

yes thats what i would do too - i did in fact .

jenhug

just go and get married, you don't even need rings if you dont want to. tell them after or don't, will make no difference to their lives really

fivetide

Is this something you need to do via marriage?


If neither of you are bothered and it is just for asset division in case the worst happens (touch wood etc) then can you not achieve the same by getting water tight wills drawn up?


Spend the wedding cash on a holiday!

balletshoes

swingaloo wrote: »

Yes they are 2 of my sisters. what you suggest is exactly what wanted to do, its just the more I thought about it the more I thought I may offend people who may want to attend the actual ceremony. I think that's my sticking point.

i say this a lot about weddings - its you and your OH's day, no-one elses. You'll never make everyone happy, no matter what you do, so do it your way.