Feeling a bit 'disconnected' tonight...

FBaby

Sounds to me nothing more than the effect of sleep deprivation and maybe a bit hormonal disturbance. I know that when I don't sleep well, I start feeling a bit low and sorry for myself and definitely start to get more anxious about things that don't normally affect me at all.


Don't beat yourself up, you have young babies, you are just adjusting to your new life with a second baby and the few months that are inevitably set under a routine that can be very boring at times. I'm sure you'll feel much better once you start getting a bit more zzzz

Kynthia

You need to have a regular outing where you can have adult conversation and maybe make some friends. Is there an NCT bumps and babies group in your area, as it's often free and full of other mums looking to get out of the house for a couple of hours?

Alchemilla

Blimey OP at just 23 you have plenty on your plate.
Do you have your own family to support you?

dizziblonde

Gah typed a lot and lost it.

You've got a rough age gap and I think from what I recall you're at the particular combination of ages which I found the roughest in terms of dealing with - it's got much easier for me recently in that regard but that's not the greatest comfort when you're still in the middle of it. You know the constant feeding of the youngest is only an interim thing while you're on that weaning treadmill point of it feeling like you're constantly doing either solids or milk!

The anxiety thing I'd be mentioning to your GP - I suffered terribly with post-natal anxiety with my eldest - it didn't come on immediately after her birth but within a couple of months and it made life really hard going (I then got landed with PND after my youngest to complete the package!). I found a self-help type post-natal mental health group that's been brilliant to go to - toys and somewhere safe for the kids to play (including a nice fenced in outdoor area that doesn't have muppets leaving the gate like our local children's centre!) and it's somewhere I don't feel like I have to go and automatically lapse into the "oooh how are you today - oh we're fine" default position... as someone else put it - it's nice to go somewhere and be able to feel down and meh openly!

I found lots of the baby groups a pain in the rear - they're either pitched too young for the eldest or too old for the youngest - that issue's resolved itself a bit over the last few months (not that my youngest is a blooming tall bruiser who can hold her own against kids twice her age... oh no and has been adopted as an honorary toddler) but I did make a lot of use of more informal stay and plays - never made many friends from them - but did at least view them as a chance for the kids to go and make a mess of somewhere else and a change of scenery in that regard... detour back via somewhere to pick up a coffee and that's half the day filled a couple of times a week. I've found it a bit harder finding groups and things that are easy to manage two kids close in age at - but I've got a few.

It's harder doing the simple "ooh go to the park" bit as well until you're at the point both can potter about a bit more than you're at at the present - we ended up buying a lot of stuff for in the garden very cheaply (end of the summer or about now when people are de-plastic tatting their garden being good times second hand to get stuff) so I can let the eldest one run off steam out there and feel a bit less guilt ridden when I don't get out of the house every day. She'll play for hours with a water squirter bottle and a paintbrush and bucket of water to "paint" the house walls - leaving me a bit freer to manage the younger one of the two.

Biggest thing I found was two things -

1) Everyone bull-you-know-what's on the internet about what they're up to as parents and isn't the super mum that they're making themselves out to be
2) With two-under-2 anyone who sees you out and about is thinking "blooming heck that woman's superwoman"... they haven't seen that it's taken you three hours of chaos to get out of the house, that your pants are on inside out, that you've got odd socks on and put the wrong nappy on the wrong child three times before leaving the front door.