Do I Have To Have A Service/Funerla?

mandragora_2

SailorSam wrote: »

The Op will be there, and she said in her first opening sentence that she didn't like being the centre of attention.

To be uncomfortable at being the centre of attention, you need to be aware of the attention you're getting. She is not religious, so I'm presuming no abiding belief in an afterlife, so she's not going to be present, is she? Her body will be, but she won't ever know what gets said or done at the funeral. Ironically, the more she insists on what she wants to happen or not happen after her death, the more attention the matter will generate - as is happening here. She's made her wishes clear. She has a cousin who's a funeral director. All she can do is ask for what she would like to happen and set it up with the cousin if at all possible, and then, if she can, let it go.

I'm not a fan of a fuss myself, either, but funerals and associated rituals are for those who are alive,to help them in whatever way makes sense for them, not for the deceased. In every case that I can think of, that would involve the family starting with what the deceased's wishes were.

whodathunkit

SailorSam wrote: »

The Op will be there, and she said in her first opening sentence that she didn't like being the centre of attention.

No, she won't be there, although her body will.

Whether you believe in death as the end or in having an eternal soul, your body isn't you. Ask people who've viewed a relative's body before the funeral, most people say "That's not so and so".

jackyann

Crematoria are not religious buildings. Many have a cross on display because of tradition, but will take it down on request.

You can leave a request with your executor / whoever will make arrangements about the type of service (or none)

OP - I hope you have some good ideas here. I would just consider our relationship with friends & family. Honestly, if you care about them I would talk to them (or write) explain your wishes and ask them what they would like to do (a small gathering at someone's house or a pub is the usual, sometimes a walk to favourite place)

I do think that it is worth making your wishes properly known. I have on at least 2 occasions wanted to scream at the completely inappropriate service arranged by family members. However, I have to say that one friend said to me "I don't want any religious mumbo-jumbo but I know my son will, so I'll let him arrange whatever will help him along!" and we all dutifully sang Lord of all Hopefulness!

GobbledyGook

I think it depends who you are leaving behind. If you've no family then fair enough to make plans. However for me I would want the people I'm closest too to do whatever made them feel right/better. I'll be dead so won't care, they'll be here still and be the ones that have to deal with it all.

themull1

irishjohn wrote: »

why not just donate your body to the local medical school for research

Ive signed up to do this, if you die of natural causes and have never had cancer etc you can donate your body, alternatively i'm just getting cremated as cheaply as possible.