At the end of my tether....Please will you help - Thanks

Bettyboop

I spoke with a midwife and there is absolutely nothing they can do until I have had an appointment with my community midwife. Goodness, I hope that everything will be okay.

WestonDave

It is possible under the right circumstances to get an early scan - normally if you or your GP is worried about something in the pregnancy. When my OH was pregnant with DS2 she had two early scans - one at 6 weeks due to some pains which the GP thought might mean an ectopic pregnancy and one at 8 due to some bleeding. In both cases she went to the GP first who referred her to the next day clinic - that involved turning up at 8am (before the booked scans started) and waiting in line until seen. (They ran one every morning I think). Other than giving you ideas on how to get a scan (!) my point is that if the GP or midwife thought there was a possible problem they would get you scanned.

I should also say that despite both those scares (and week 7 seeing her getting a stomach bug!) DS2 is now 3 months old, and was described yesterday by the health visitor as perfect (yes I know they say that to everyone!).

On another tack just to slightly contradict Elles post above - think carefully about packing in the job now if you can avoid it - if you start another one in September you won't have been in it long enough to qualify for paid maternity leave and job protection. That only applies (effectively - its not strictly true but near enough) if you start the job before you get pregnant.

I would also talk to your boss - they aren't all unreconstructed ogres - many would rather allow you a few days to sort out childcare than go through the hassle of finding someone else. If they are unpleasant about it then its unlikely that you will want that job back after your pregnancy so makes the decision to leave easier!

skyrocket

try the early preganancy unit at the local maternity hospital, you dr should give you the number.
they will scan you if you are worried.

Spendless

Whens your daughter 4? Something I found about private nurseries is that they often have spaces in the summer hols. Many parents took them out if they were due to start f-time school in Sept and they worked term-time only, or had relatives that did, or they put them in holiday playschemes which were a bit cheaper. I took my son out when it got to this time cos the cheaper weeks cos of the funding ran out, so check with some nurseries to see if they have spaces over the summer. I'd missed the bit about you being pregnant -congratulations. All this stress can't be helping baby so if need be I'd also say go to GP and get signed off, even if it's till Sept.

Re maternity money- if you don't get SMP you can get MA if you have worked at least 26 weeks in the 66 weeks before baby is born and earned at least £30 a week. They were the rules in 2003 when I had DD, just check they haven't been changed since.

izoomzoom

Betty.

Oh, you poor thing. I did reply the last time. I am from SA too, so if you want a shoulder to cry on from someone from back home, PM me. Do you live anywhere near me. I would help if I could.

Take yourself down to the GP and get yourself signed off for stress. You are emotional now because of the pg, and mole hills really do seem like mountains. Bawl your eyes out at the GP if necessary.

I too wasn't sure of my dates, but it didn't work for me, and I was 12 weeks before I saw my MW and I had my scan a few days later. (MW had actually broken her leg which was the reason for delay, but I really should have been seen before). My 'made-up' dates were correct in the end .

I know that you are really worried about the CM situation, but you really need to sort yourself out first.

Gentle hugs

inkie

[QUOTE] try the early preganancy unit at the local maternity hospital, you dr should give you the number.
they will scan you if you are worried.
[/QUOTE]


A lot of EPAUs only take referals from professionals, and not self-referrals.
I think that the way forward is to wait for your booking appointment with your Community MW - she can then make onward arrangements based on the clinical history you have given her. Obviously anything abnormal that occursi.e. pain, bleeding will need action before then, for which you would see GP.

Bettyboop

One more question. I have been trying to reach the Maternity Allowance people of Job Centre plus for three days and have had no joy! As I have only been with my current employer since mid May I won't qualify for statutory maternity pay. How does maternity allowance work? Do you have to be employed to get it? or unemployed for that matter? Hope you can help.

wifeforlife

Allo my friend!

How are you today?!

Here's a link to the department of works & pensions, I hope it has all the info you need for MA,

http://www.dwp.gov.uk/advisers/ni17a/ma/index.asp

Any joy with a childminder today, can I also second Netmums, it was a wealth of information and support when I was pregnant!!

Cate

Bettyboop

cathy2702, thanks for the link. I will have a look at it once the little one is in bed. Didn't have a good day. My daughter wasn't very well and I was stressed and upset. I didn't go onto the childcare website today but I will start my search once again this evening. I may phone my childminders husband to see if he knows how long his wife is going to be out of action for. Will keep you updated. Thanks again.

Loretta

What a very inspiring and encouraging post! Aren't people great taking the time to to write such a long post with so much help

Elle83 wrote: »

Betty,

I think you have two options really: the first is that you either take compassionate or parental leave OR you ask your GP to sign you off for a month with stress (excuse me anyone who says otherwise but I don't need a medical degree to say it's a reasonable diagnosis) and you use that month to keep trying to find childcare and have a bit of a de-stress too. A month is a decent amount of time in the world of childcare and you just don't know where a place will come up because someone's quit work or decided their Mum is having little Stacey instead of the CM. As Cathy said, sometimes SS will assist however be warned about approaching them if you don't think you can remain unemotive and calm. Voice of experience here on that score.

The second option is to accept that you're just not going to be able to work at this point in time. You are ENTITLED to benefits as a lone parent who has paid into national insurance and the tax kitty all her working life. Claiming benefits is simply a case of making a claim on your insurance and people like you and I will repay our "claim" and then some in our working lives. Everyone has to pay into this because whilst plenty of people get through life never needing benefits, so do plenty of people make claims where they never thought they'd have to. It's mandatory insurance that you need to claim from temporarily - not "sponging".

I would never tell anyone that benefits is anyway to live long-term however they are there for people just like you and I when we are finding life too tough to cope with. When I was finding things tough earlier in the year my GP signed me off until I was ready to return to work and I really, really needed those three months. When I returned to full-time work last week I was in a good position: I had had the time to not only find a childminder but found a good one and was able to integrate my son for the week running up to starting work. I'm not ashamed of having claimed benefits; I needed them, I was reclaiming a portion of my own insurance payments and I have always been a productive and useful member of society regardless of what Mr childless-middle-class-spasmataz has to say about it!

You would only have to stop working until September. I do appreciate it creates more upset because it would mean jacking in your current job and finding a new one but that's not a difficult thing for someone with the drive to do it and you've obviously got that in bucket loads! In future interviews you can quite simply explain you had trouble with full-time childcare but that it is not an issue now your child has started school; I would happily accept that if I was an employer. And it may even be that with the new baby you decide you only want to work part-time - that will also be more possible when your older child starts school and allows you time to put baby's name down on a waiting list too. Yes money will be tight but it will be enough. £3k is a lot to pay off when you're on a low income but I assure you it is possible. You'll just have to make the most of this site and get down to some good old fashioned home cooking from cheaper ingredients and try to make the most of car boot sales and the like for the next year or two. Just think, you'd be able to receive a £500 sure start grant when baby is born and with the equipment you buy for baby, you'll be able to sell it on for £200 when baby outgrows the bits and pieces. That's 6.7% of your debt right there. And in working part-time you can earn between £25 and £50pw more than if you were on IS. So if you kept on living at IS level you could use that extra to clear your debts.

I can't solve your problems for you but I can at least tell you that I was a complete emotional and physical wreck when I first became a single Mum. I was adamant I would not claim benefits and cried day and night looking at what my life had become. But by keeping on chugging away I like to think I've built up a decent life for myself. I've furnished my flat with all my wonderful Argos and Council Link furniture! I've got a car that runs! I've got a GORGEOUS little boy even if he his going through his rat-baggy terrible two's!!! And I'm back at work in a job I never thought I'd get! My finances will be terrible next year until I either find affordable accommodation or my son starts school but for the time being, my TC award works in my favour and for the first time I have savings!!! Only been back at work ten days but my budget shows I will have a whole £200 to put into my ISA at the end of the month.

People like you and I who get this upset over having to take time out and rely on other people for periods of time are exactly the kind of people things work out for in the end. Reason being? We are bloody determined we will find a way to succeed and not leave a problem alone until we find a way through it! Take comfort in that if nothing else; you will find a way through this in a few months time and wonder why on earth you were ever so upset.

All the best, PM me anytime.