At the end of my tether....Please will you help - Thanks

Bettyboop

Hi All,

This is the second time I retyping my post! I could write an entire book but I will shorten the problem as best I can. I started a new job mid May and have had one day off because I didn't have childcare. I found a replacement childminder for my daughter and she has gone for two days. Today her husband called to say she had had an accident and was in hospital. I was on a leave day today and she has been sick. I feel really bad for letting my work down as I won't be able to go in because she isn't well. When she is better I still wont have childcare and by the sounds of it she is going to be needing a knee replacement! This is the 3rd time that I haven't had reliable childcare. Before anyone shoots me down I know she has had an accident it's just that it sometimes feels that I shouldn't be working. Financially I have £3000 worth of debt and it's worrying me so much. I don't have any family here having come from South Africa and the friends I have all work. There are no nurseries around that have places at this short notice. My little girl is starting school in September and she is quite excited about that.

I am seperated from my husband. My little girl and I are living in rented accomodation (he is in the house) as the mortgage was to much for me. I get very little help from the rent allowance people because of my salary. My husband and I have been working on our problems and getting back together. I am now also pregnant with our second child? and I'm really ashamed to say that deep down in my heart I don't know where it's going to go. How do single mothers afford it with two children? I have worked all my life and never claimed benefits as I means to live on. I am so stressed that once again my childcare isn't going to work out and my husband cannot look after our little girl because of his job?

I have been in tears most of today and will really appreciate some direction with this. Thanks a bunch!

TheWaltons_3

Congratulations on your pregnancy :T

Single mums cope with 1 or 5 children, you only have to look around these boards and the fantastic jobs Mums are doing against all odds! OK, they may need reassurance and probably don't feel like they're the greatest Mums... but any Mum doing it alone without help needs a medal!

Accidents happen with little ones, your job can't complain about you having a day off when your child has had an accident - how many people are parents in business? They will understand more than you think they will.

It is a good thing that you and hubby and trying to patch things up - whatever happens, at least he is there for you and your little one.

Things always seem far worse than they really are, how often do people worry about things that aren't ever going to happen?!

wifeforlife

I remember your first post and replied to it too as i'm in the same position as a single mum having a !!!!!! time with childcare.

Go to your local social services who look after childminders and local nurseries and ask them to step in and help, also go to your doctor and get signed off work for a week or two to get sorted. I really do sympathise with you as I'm currently working half days ( I saved all my annual leave) and my grandmother is looking after my dd in the afternoons for me, it's not ideal and i'm very lucky my employer allows me to do this.

If you lived in NI I'd help you out no problem, dont be afraid to pm me anytime you want help or support!

Cate

Bettyboop

Thanks, cathy2702....your kind post made me cry : ). Goodluck with sorting out your childcare
#

Spendless

When do your schools break up cos many offer a holiday playscheme and you don't ness have to be at that school to get a place. Ours takes them from age 3 . Have a look here to see if you can find anything in your area


http://www.childcarelink.gov.uk/index.asp

Bettyboop

Spendless I did....I even tried the NHS one and they won't have her until she is four or at school!....I spent two nights on the phone trying to find the childminder I sort of have now. I just canno understand how it falls apart everytime. I'm sure by now she probably doesn't know whether she is coming or going. Thanks for the thought though.

Elle00

Betty,

I think you have two options really: the first is that you either take compassionate or parental leave OR you ask your GP to sign you off for a month with stress (excuse me anyone who says otherwise but I don't need a medical degree to say it's a reasonable diagnosis) and you use that month to keep trying to find childcare and have a bit of a de-stress too. A month is a decent amount of time in the world of childcare and you just don't know where a place will come up because someone's quit work or decided their Mum is having little Stacey instead of the CM. As Cathy said, sometimes SS will assist however be warned about approaching them if you don't think you can remain unemotive and calm. Voice of experience here on that score.

The second option is to accept that you're just not going to be able to work at this point in time. You are ENTITLED to benefits as a lone parent who has paid into national insurance and the tax kitty all her working life. Claiming benefits is simply a case of making a claim on your insurance and people like you and I will repay our "claim" and then some in our working lives. Everyone has to pay into this because whilst plenty of people get through life never needing benefits, so do plenty of people make claims where they never thought they'd have to. It's mandatory insurance that you need to claim from temporarily - not "sponging".

I would never tell anyone that benefits is anyway to live long-term however they are there for people just like you and I when we are finding life too tough to cope with. When I was finding things tough earlier in the year my GP signed me off until I was ready to return to work and I really, really needed those three months. When I returned to full-time work last week I was in a good position: I had had the time to not only find a childminder but found a good one and was able to integrate my son for the week running up to starting work. I'm not ashamed of having claimed benefits; I needed them, I was reclaiming a portion of my own insurance payments and I have always been a productive and useful member of society regardless of what Mr childless-middle-class-spasmataz has to say about it!

You would only have to stop working until September. I do appreciate it creates more upset because it would mean jacking in your current job and finding a new one but that's not a difficult thing for someone with the drive to do it and you've obviously got that in bucket loads! In future interviews you can quite simply explain you had trouble with full-time childcare but that it is not an issue now your child has started school; I would happily accept that if I was an employer. And it may even be that with the new baby you decide you only want to work part-time - that will also be more possible when your older child starts school and allows you time to put baby's name down on a waiting list too. Yes money will be tight but it will be enough. £3k is a lot to pay off when you're on a low income but I assure you it is possible. You'll just have to make the most of this site and get down to some good old fashioned home cooking from cheaper ingredients and try to make the most of car boot sales and the like for the next year or two. Just think, you'd be able to receive a £500 sure start grant when baby is born and with the equipment you buy for baby, you'll be able to sell it on for £200 when baby outgrows the bits and pieces. That's 6.7% of your debt right there. And in working part-time you can earn between £25 and £50pw more than if you were on IS. So if you kept on living at IS level you could use that extra to clear your debts.

I can't solve your problems for you but I can at least tell you that I was a complete emotional and physical wreck when I first became a single Mum. I was adamant I would not claim benefits and cried day and night looking at what my life had become. But by keeping on chugging away I like to think I've built up a decent life for myself. I've furnished my flat with all my wonderful Argos and Council Link furniture! I've got a car that runs! I've got a GORGEOUS little boy even if he his going through his rat-baggy terrible two's!!! And I'm back at work in a job I never thought I'd get! My finances will be terrible next year until I either find affordable accommodation or my son starts school but for the time being, my TC award works in my favour and for the first time I have savings!!! Only been back at work ten days but my budget shows I will have a whole £200 to put into my ISA at the end of the month.

People like you and I who get this upset over having to take time out and rely on other people for periods of time are exactly the kind of people things work out for in the end. Reason being? We are bloody determined we will find a way to succeed and not leave a problem alone until we find a way through it! Take comfort in that if nothing else; you will find a way through this in a few months time and wonder why on earth you were ever so upset.

All the best, PM me anytime.

newcook

right!!! get yourself over to mumsnet.com and go the the childminding/nanny section. there are loads of childminders there which saves you from phoning around (so in turn saves your phone bill!)

Bettyboop

Can I just ask does anyone know how I can be referred for a scan? I am past 8 weeks but my appointment with the midwife is only towards the end of next week. I am so stressed to the point that I feel ill. I lifted a heavy object today and now I'm even more worried about the baby. Our doctors are on holiday and they have a Locum covering. I phoned him for some advice on Monday about something else and he was very rude and made me feel like I shouldn't have phoned him for advice. Any tips with this? Thanks

TheWaltons_3

Bettyboop wrote: »

Can I just ask does anyone know how I can be referred for a scan? I am past 8 weeks but my appointment with the midwife is only towards the end of next week. I am so stressed to the point that I feel ill. I lifted a heavy object today and now I'm even more worried about the baby. Our doctors are on holiday and they have a Locum covering. I phoned him for some advice on Monday about something else and he was very rude and made me feel like I shouldn't have phoned him for advice. Any tips with this? Thanks

Routine scans here are 12 weeks - or if you are completely clueless about when your last period is, they will do a dating scan sooner I think. don't add this to your worries!

And that's brill advice from elle xxx

Bettyboop

I am completely clueless about when my last period was! I'm trying to reach a midwife at the hospital to get some advice. THanks