OS and arguments with OH

mookybargirl

Does your OH support you in old style/ budgeting? Yes, at first, he thought it was a new fad (I do like fads!) but was supportive all the same. Once he started trying out some of the recipes I picked up here, he was more than interested (bacon, onion & potato hotpot & chinese chicken - now 2 of his favourite meals).

Does it affect your relationship?
It's just part of everyday life. It takes a little extra planning but we've been trying to live OS since the first day we moved into our first house, so we don't really know anything else.

Do you find it tiring/ time consuming?
Sometimes, I would rather someone did it all for me, but that's not going to happen. I'm always trying to pick up tips to make things easier/quicker and cheaper. I've been picking up tips bit by bit for the last year, but it really does get easier. Try not to do everything at once. It'll be too much of a change for your OH and he probably won't respond well. Try little things like swapping out household items, trying new cheaper recipes (don't tell him they're cheaper or OS, just that it's a new recipe). Maybe pick something realistic you both want and start up a collection jar as some of the other guys here do. Just take small steps and he'll come around.

Do you argue more or less about money?
We've never really argued about money. We trust each other and know that we want to pay off our mortgage early, get some savings and get married so we have our goals. The one thing we (well, I) do fight about is getting tired when I'm doing most of the cooking/cleaning. My OH can do all sorts but he needs to be shown and/or asked to do something. Don't make the mistake of doing it all yourself or it will stay like this and you'll get tired and go back to your old, easier ways.

Wow - that was long...

GreenNinja

Would like to take part in this thread but currently don't have a partner.

My ex husband and I never argued about money, if we wanted a big item he would do cash jobs etc until he had saved enough money. I did all the food shopping etc and was responsible for sorting out the paying all household bills, etc. He was in debt when I met him but within 2 years was out of debt and I also set up a pension for him at £100 a month.

My boyfriend that I had for six months tried to be OS but didn't succeed I don't think. He liked my ideas for saving money etc and sort of copied them to an extent in his own house but then went off one day and blew £600 on motorcycle accessories that he just didn't need!

I think if I met somebody new and they wasted money it would cause a problem and I don't think the relationship would work. I have become so careful and frugal compared to how I used to be, its bizzare!

I do think its time consuming, but in a way thats good for me cos it keeps me busy during lonely evenings etc. I think the trick is to do large batches in one go as somebody else mentioned which you can then bring out of the freezer on a night when you don't feel like cooking.

nickiboop

My OH is hopless with money, recent comments include: "We earn enough, why does going £20 overbudget matter?" ""I would like a new laptop for christmas as the work one won't let me play games on it and the PC is in a different room to you" !!!!!! what can you do with that!

boo81

My bf doesnt really understand, he just thinks im a great cook. He doesnt really realise the financial implications it has. I do wish we could eat the same things but his meals are much more based around meat than mine because he has some food phobias.

Money does affect our relationship but im not sure OS does. He gets stroppy and throws tantrums sometimes when he realises he cant afford things and that he gets to "spend" so little of his wages. At the moment we are going through a tough patch and it looks like we may be commiting to lots more outgoings through nobodies fault and because it is something he really has to and wants to do he is improving I think.

I dont think he realises the comittment I give to doing things OS to be honest, he doesnt really understand the concept of why I do what I do and how I save money and improve the way the house runs, he just agrees! I do find it takes a lot of my time, I pretty much run my house on my own and its pretty tiring anyway when I work full time and most week have a couple of long journeys to make. When I have the time and can be bothered then I make an effort to do lots but I do find I go through phases of what I feel like doing and not doing any more!

I think my mum appreciates the cooking side of it the most, she knows how hard I try to find new recipes and spend time in the kitchen, both to broaden my knowledge and to save money. Lately when she has got angry she calls me back later and tells me how great she thinks it is that I cook everything from scratch and though I may not have the tidiest or most decorated house I make the best of everything in the kitchen!:D

I dont think im bad for a youngun, my friends all think im mad and most of them really dont get it!

Fivenations

Does your OH support you in old style/ budgeting?

Sadly, no. He wants his cake now - damn tomorrow.

Deos it affect your relationship?

Yes. Less said the better.

Do you find it tiring/ time consuming?

No. it was the way I was raised. I save where I can so I can spend where it matters.

Do you argue more or less about money?

More, especially now he has a new job that pays less. I am going to have to work fulltime which will be difficult for a variety of reasons. Little does he know that he wont get his hands on that extra money! I'm going to have to get tough.

sylphraven

Does your OH support you in old style/ budgeting?
Long as it doesnt affect his lifestyle, yes. He loves meals cooked from scratch & happily praises me on ones he finds especially nice. Anything he finds unusual and strange he does put down though, like I told him I was gona try washing powder & vinegar in the dishwasher tonight "oh no your not, your not breakingit just to save a few pence, stick to the tablets" Told him its a tried & tested method but he isnt having any of. Seeing its me that uses it he'll never know if I do or not. He doesnt notice the cheap washing powder mixed in with the more expensive, that almost everything is cleaned with stardrops, soda crystals or vinegar etc

Does it affect your relationship?
Not normally. I work the budget out & tell him at the start of the month how much he's got to spend on his extras (normally video games, lol). He's happy as long as the bills are paid, he gets a clean house & clothes to come home to, nice food & a bit of money to play with. I'm happy as long a he doesnt overspend & helps me out a little in the house.

Do you find it tiring/ time consuming?
Not so much tiring, but more time consuming, especially as I have to fit it around my 3 month old & time with my 8 year old (though he enjoys helping my clean & cook).

Do you argue more or less about money?
Things like him not reducing sky (even though he rarely watches the movie channels), or him overspending causes "heated discussions", but I normally make him give up a bit extra of his spends to cover it the next month.

halia

I can't imagine having a relationship were I coudl tell OH how much he had to spend! he earns more than I do so I feel its his moeny to spend. It does get to me a bit though. I used tesco deals to get a magazine subscription cheaply + did an online 'freebie' thing for another one at 3 issues free then 9 issues for £12. We had a BIG magazine habit! I thought I'd discussed this and we'd agreed that most magazines were pointless so it would be ONE other magazine a month+ sunday papers.
He still just buys stuff. I can see his POV, he earns a good wage and works hard for it so doesn't see why he should STILL have to scrimp and save. I guess I want to be able to pay of mortgage/downsize job commitments and so I want us to get by on half what we earn (this should be perfectly doable)
We have cut down but its taking up so much time for me. I have a 60 hr week with study/work/childcare and I ought to be cooking/meal planning right now but I also have had only 5 hrs sleep a night for the past 2 weeks, have a bad cold, and have a university assignnemt that is due in in 3 days time plus a work event in london for two days this week.

JillD_2

I can't imagine having a relationship were I coudl tell OH how much he had to spend! he earns more than I do so I feel its his moeny to spend

halia we usedto be exactly the same. OH earns more (used to earn waaaay more than me but things are a little more even now as he has his own business which is just starting to break even and I am non maternity leave) so I feel the same, its his money to spend and its very hard to say no to him.


Perhaps one way of doing this is to work out what you want to get by on - let's say £1500. So you sit down with him, show him the outgoings, show him hiw much you could save/pay off mortgage etc if you spen only £100 a month. He is boind to say "oh good god woman don't be ridiculous". Then say to him "ok well how much do you think we could get byu on in a month" and then clowly compromise, ideally you will end up compromising on the £1500 you had in mind to begin with, He will end up agreeing to what you wanted all along without even realising it :T

It also sounds like you ar very very busy right now! So don't overstretch yourself, don't try and achieve too much in the short term.

Years ago, when we first got married and had a massive mortgage, it was a bit of a shock to him more than me how little was left each month as prior to that he'd been sharing a house with friends, had hardly any outgoings, and if he wanted, say, a new TV, he went and bought one.

We sat down and I showed him what all our monthly outgoings were for bills, food, petrol etc and how much was leftover. We agreed to pay our salaries into a joint account, and pay ourselves some pocket money per month - back then it was £200 each !!!! We tried to save a bit, but basically anything left over in the joint account after the monthly outgoings was fair game for spending. Things have got progressively tighter as the years have gone by but we still operate on the same principle. Our pocket money is down to £80 per month which he finds hard to stick to but I find easy (2 pre school children, no time to shop for myself!). If we go out for a joint meal or with the kids that comes out of the joint account, but if we go out individually or want things like gym membership or magazines or clothes that comes out of pocket money. We also buy each other's xmas and birthday presents out of this.

He's still a nightmare but is luckily all talk and no action. ie forever on about stuff like a new telly but never actually buys one (thank god).

sylphraven

halia wrote: »

I can't imagine having a relationship were I coudl tell OH how much he had to spend! he earns more than I do so I feel its his moeny to spend..

When we first got together he had his money, I had mine, but he was tricked into resigning from work when he was off for a while with depression. He got into huge trouble with finances & I bailed him out. We also had to live on next to nothing while he was on incapacity. I took over all the bills & budgets at this time as he couldnt cope with his depression (also being awful with the sums got him even more down).

He's been in work now for 2 years but I still let him know what he can spend as he admits, left to him he'd spend the whole lot on unnecessary stuff rather than bills. He knows where I keep the "bill" diary so he can always go look, and he trusts me to be fair.

dfwz

Does your OH support you in old style/ budgeting?
Yep, I manage it mostly though.


Does it affect your relationship?
Yep. I work full time and OH does most of the other stuff cooking/cleaning/kids.
Turns out I like OS cooking though so I consider it a break from the day job rather than another chore and have taken over about 80% of it, the other 20% being work days when I just don't have time. Which makes things easier on OH and gives us more time together. Often when one is cooking, the other is hovering and it's the best time to chat. You don't want get someone angry when they're wielding a knife :-D

Do you find it tiring/ time consuming?
Not generally if you're organised. It is annoying if you haven't planned ahead and don't have anything appealing to eat at a meal time though.

Do you argue more or less about money?
Much less, as the only finances the OH was responsible for was grocery shopping, which was always a mess. Now I control all spending and OH is cool with it as it's less stressful. We discuss what meals we'd like and what we'd like to save for and I make it happen. I feel at ease knowing I'm in control and OH is at ease knowing there is no need to worry.