OS and arguments with OH

thriftlady_2

I'm like Pen Pen. My OH has never questioned the way I run the house and realises how lucky he is to have all his meals cooked from scratch -and he really appreciates hm bread. He's been proper spoilt going from one good cook (his mum) to another (me:D ). We have never argued about money either -in fact we have never argued at all really. Believe me I know how lucky we are

hypno06

Because we have to do this to help reduce our debt, I think the tension and the arguements probably result from the restrictions we feel from the debt, rather than the restrictions (if there are any) of being OS and savvy.

Sometimes it would just be so nice to go and have a meal out, but the funds don't allow, and however good a cook I am, there are times when a HM version is just not the same. Those are the times when the frustration kicks in and the arguments are about to happen, but it is just as likely to be me as him.

As far as the budgets and shopping goes, he doesn't know where to start - leaves it all to me.....:rotfl:

Chipps

halia wrote: »

I am worried that given how fragile things are me spending MORE time on house/finance stuff will just make things worse between us. I was thinking of putting the money we save aside for a babysitter and night out and then maybe he can see the benefits?

Hi halia, obviously I don't know your situation, but is there a way in which being OS could give you more time with him?

For example: if you menu plan, you won't be spending more time than you need wondering what to have for dinner or rushing off to the take away or supermarket just before dinnertime to buy something. Make extra meals to freeze so that there are good HM instant dinners ready. (eg. if making lasagne, make 2, or double quantities for spag bog or a casserole. If there's not much space in the freezer, freeze casseroles & mince meals in ziplock bags; they defrost really quickly, too)

Don't thrust lists under his nose if that puts him off! Do your lists & planning when he's not there, but maybe he would be more responsive to results. You keep the lists, & show him the savings at the end of the week. If need be, put them in a savings account with a passbook - & show him the book! Or even make a chart to show results! What about the "church roof thermometer" type chart?:D (yes, I know that's what you do for children but............;) )

I hope it all works out for you.

newlywed

DOes your OH support you in old style/ budgeting?

Foodwise, he pretty much leaves me to it. He likes the healthy low fat meals and the way I can tell him what went into it. I do all the meal plans - he just eats it - rarely even asks what is for dinner

He does get irritated by the plastic bags by the sink waiting to be washed and re-used though!

Deos it affect your relationship?

Not really. It did at one point as I felt I was cooking all weekend for him and his kids while he watched tv. So I changed my meal plans to do more easy meals. But he does 90% of the other housework early in the mornings.

Do you find it tiring/ time consuming?

Yes I find because it is time consuming it can be tiring, especially with working full-time and feeling like your cooking all evening/weekend. So now if OH goes out at the weekend I do a batch cook up - cook all the potatoes, all the carrots, chop all the onions and freeze them - saves time later and stops it going off.

I also try to cook double so I have at least two easy evening meals EVERY week. This was the main thing that helped me. So whether it is pasta with a tin of condensed soup or something I've made extra of and frozen - I find I need to have the odd day when I don't feel as if I've cooked for an hour

Do you argue more or less about money?

We argue less about money now that I have been completely honest about my level of debt . It does get us down sometimes though that there is always something else to have to pay for, but that's life really.

Linda32

DOes your OH support you in old style/ budgeting?


Yes, deffinately, he oftern asks "What do the moneysavers think, or what does Martin say"

I asked what he thought of me doing the Grocery Challenge, because I thought it might seem like I'm counting the pennies for food, he said "its brilliant and it means more spending money" :T

Deos it affect your relationship?

As someone else said, only in a postive way

Do you find it tiring/ time consuming?

No, not at all, its made my life much more organised.

Do you argue more or less about money?

Never did argue about money or anything else.

thriftmonster

I have spent a while thinking about this - it's odd when you try to analyse stuff:
DH works something over a 70 hour week and so generally everything is left to me - apart from a couple of days a year I'm at home fulltime. I'm also an accountant originally so I have always done the money from us being married. Dh is appreciative of OS but definitely doesn't want to know too many of the details - I think we both just look at it as my job and he doesn't need to know all of that - just like I don't know all of his - just the highlights (and low bits!) As long as the savings continue to grow and we can cover all the bills plus anything we regard as an extra we want to buy, he's happy. We are now mortgage free and he regards that as a big bonus of money saving - plus he's naturally a tightwad.

moanymoany

My OH has always been good with money, it was me!:o I didn't get us into debt, but there was nothing left over and I got through some inheritance.

My LBM was when we had to make up a shortfall in the mortgage, since then I have been AMAZED at the amount of money we have saved. After discovering Martin and the FAB forums I have become a zealot. I now have a lodger and I'm advertising for another. Last year we had enough for our isas, I don't make bread, but meals are HM - they always were, I've never liked bought meals.

So, it has nourished our relationship. It doesn't take me that long as I've done it for ages. The only difference now is cheaper ingredients and new foods. We don't argue about money - now, but we used to. I thought his money thing was trying to control me - familiar message huh!

One thing I will say, what Queenie said about the list. There is no doubt that if you write something down you are far more likely to achieve it. If you think about something it is a dream, write it down and it becomes a goal. Good NLP that is! When I started to write down what I wanted to achieve with the money the success started. It gets the old unconcious mind working with you.

halia

oh we're okay with the 'big' planning - but daily lists etc he hates. Hey moanymoany I've done NLP training too!

I think if I aim for saving up for big things it will help us both realise that its a good thing. It does take up more time because prior to this we'd do alot of 'impulse' shopping or takeouts. I'm not a brilliant cook so at the moment I can't say homemade tastes better!

We argue about money a bit and household stuff ALOT!!!! The aim of OS for me is twofold; first to cut down on waste/ chemicals / additives etc secondly to prove to OH that we can live on far less cash so that he will consider giving up his job to go back to uni. (i'd rather be happy and poor than have a good income but him be as depressed as he is all the time right now)

Angelraesunshine

OH laughed when he saw my meal plans for the month, but its left to me how i run the house.

As long as he has meal and it fills him up he's not bothered.

wish he realised though that last month my 1st month of doing this i managed to save enough OS to pay the car tax £200 without going over drawn which were every month paying out savings to cover it before i started this OS living.

Gingham_Ribbon

Well, it meant that he could cut his hours down at work to 4 days, meant that I was with our children full time and meant (now) that he can leave work to do what he really wants to do so no complaints from him! And he's as anti consumerism as me (and loves all the biscuits and yummy meals too!)