OS and arguments with OH

liney

If he wants to comment or complain about how i run the house, he is quite welcome to take on the household chores.... He doesn't complain.

He once said i was 'obsessed' when i wanted to buy the Martin Lewis print from Matalan for our spare room - i'll get it yet.

As for food, he had frozen fish and chips not so after i was converted, which was left at the bottom of the freezer. He complained it didn't taste of anything. He is also sold on soya mince/burgers which i buy as a healthy alternative, not that we are veggie: he conceeds that he can't really tell the difference. This man could live on meat alone.

I don't announce im doing XYZ because it's OS, i just do it. I spend what i need to on the shopping, and my husband is chuffed that unlike all his friends we dont have any loans, and he bought a newish car paid for in cash. He can only do this because i watch the pennies. He freely admits, if left to him he would not have a pot, nor a window to throw it out.

In short, OS has improved our relationship because my Dh can see the difference it makes to our finances, although i would never have converted before i had my DS; it was essential so that i could work part time and spend time with him.

moanymoany

I was also chatting to DH about this thread and also another thread which is about how people get into debt. There seems to be a lot of one partner having a reckless attitude to spending and the other worried about debt and trying to control the money.

When partners are not both singing from the same hymn sheet it can be a recipe for disaster. Partners are often left having to pay the debts of these partners.

It can also seem that the moneysaver is being picky and controling and not be seen as wise and thrifty to avoid debt or get out of debt. There are times that this is a symptom of a problem in the relatioship. If this is the case there is a case for seperate finances. If you are a SAHM then this makes life very difficult. Difficult as it sounds, the answer is to sort it out before making a long term commitment. Debt causes misery and ill health.

This head in the sand attitude is very difficult to change.

My grandma used to say 'when poverty comes in through the door love flies out of the window' The same is often true for debt.

belfastgirl23

Interesting questions and have helped me see how far we've come...

DOes your OH support you in old style/ budgeting?
At the start, not at all. He hated having to look at prices or feeling deprived. Felt it was all a load of rubbish. But our household bills all went up (gas from £33 pm to £175pm, rates from £80 to £122) and I managed to cover them from the existing household budget without an increase. Before this, it was an argument in the supermarket fairly often when he wanted to buy a watermelon out of season at £4.50 which would taste of nothing anyway. Somehow when he saw a direct payoff, he sat up and took notice, and saw the value of budgeting and he doesn't really argue on this stuff any more.

Deos it affect your relationship?
No because I do it pretty much without him knowing a lot about it. I do our big shop online so he doesn't have to cope with the pricechecking. I have a rough mealplan for the month (TBH we eat much the same things weekly anyway) and it's always food we both like. I've had to give in on a few things (trips to M&S, eating out) so he does see there's a compromise going on. I think he still thinks it's a bit ridiculous and I don't particularly talk to him about it though.

Do you find it tiring/ time consuming?
It is time consuming but I like the sense of a challenge. I'm also lucky because my work goes through very busy times and then very slack times so I can work extra hours at the busy times and then surf during the slack times. I fit extra cooking for the freezer in on Sunday when I'd be cooking anyway. I don't ever force this either, there's enough in that if I don't feel like it I don't do it.

Do you argue more or less about money?
We tend not to talk about money at all. When we do, it is an argument. We will need to talk soon (mortgage payment is going up by £150pm and there's no way to budget around that). DH somehow can't have a non-argument talk about money. He supports me by keeping out of it really which is probably the best thing he can do!

I do feel overall though that some of it is rubbing off on him.

**EDIT** I just realised I've made him sound like a real spenthrift which is true to a point but he's never had any real debt except for mortgage and at a basic level we both believe in not spending what you don't have which is great.

halia

moanymoany wrote: »

It can also seem that the moneysaver is being picky and controling and not be seen as wise and thrifty to avoid debt or get out of debt.

yes thats it!!

I think he feels it is boring, reduces impulse spur of the moment stuff, and I spend too much time on lists and planning. I don't involve him much but as he refuses to eat the same thing more than 2x in any month I do try and ask him about meals etc.

He also thinks I 'waste' time doing price comparisons etc.

liney

'when poverty comes in through the door love flies out of the window' The same is often true for debt.

My Nan told me that when i got engaged! She was a wise old lady )

pigpen

Does your OH support you in old style/ budgeting?

He doesn't care one way or the other I just do as I please so long as the the bills are paid and he is fed!

Does it affect your relationship?

Hhhmmm.... NO!!!!!!

Do you find it tiring/ time consuming?

Only in so far as I really enjoy the budgetting and watching the debts decrease as I save money in one place and pay it off a debt in another... I'm a bit obsessed!!

Do you argue more or less about money?

What is the point in arguing about it.. we either have it or we don't.. either way.. arguing doesn't pay the bills.. so no.. we never argued about money and I for one never will!!

carted00

I've only really started getting into the OS way recently. I've always been careful with money because my Mum has never had much so what I have I try to spend wisely.

What's really got me going is moving house. When we decided to move I went through the finances. I couldn't say exactly but we were spending around £450-500/month on food. I do the main shop on a Saturday and a top-up on a Tue evening. In a month my wife was going into Morrisons another 12 to 24 times!!!!! a month for bits and pieces. Looking at the then latest receipt, out of £53ish, £18ish was spent on unnecessary stuff so I aimed to get down to £350 and work from there, last month was a little high because of a 5 Saturday month. I bought a breadmaker and haven't looked back. My wife was very negative and was still going to buy bread. Within 2 weeks we are HM bread only.

I'm really keen to save as much money as I can so that I can overpay on our new man-sized mortgage but I'm doing it on my own, my wife just isn't interested. If I ask about why she uses the tumble dryer so much for instance, I just get moaned at.

Unfortunately my wife is so negative about anything and everything. She hasn't worked since my oldest was born and has always left money management to me. Unfortunately that puts all the pressure on me and if I say we're a bit short we can't afford to do something or other, it's my fault. She walks the kids to school, does a bit of washing, a bit of tidying up and then does nothing all day except watch tv. It would be nice if she nipped into town to do whatever clothes shopping is needed but she won't get on the bus or train so I take her on a Saturday which means I can't do much maintenance around the house because I don't get a lot of time I hold down a full-time job, do the shopping, help the kids with their homework, take them to their clubs, do most of the cooking, manage all the bills etc. She's now got herself a part-time job after being shamed into it by her Mum and is saying it will be nice to have some money for herself, I can't say I'm particularly happy about that. I've had very little for Christmas, it was my 40th in March and got nothing, I got my annual bonus in March and have bought nothing for myself but I bought my wife a new watch and bought something for the kids. There is something I'd really like to buy for myself but it isn't necessary and with moving I've got better things to spend the money on. I've tried sitting down with my wife and having a proper conversation about where we as a family are going but it seems that I have to do whatever is most convenient for her. We are buying a new build house and we're all looking forward to it. It's a new start in a nice area and we'll have the house exactly as we want it. Unfortunately it means my wife will have to drive which she isn't keen on. She's actually not bad seeing as she hasn't driven for 10 years, but no matter how much encouragement everyone gives her, she'd rather stay where we are because it's the easy option.

Sorry, I've just had a rant.

moanymoany

Dear carted00, I sympathise with you and your wife, partly because I think I've a little bit been like her in the past and I know how hard it was for my DH.

The situation meant no-one was happy and in the end we went to Relate. This gave us a forum to say how we felt and it started the changes that let us get to where we are now.

Good luck.

lilmisskitkat

Himself laughs at me with my meal plans, endless lists and always on the lookout for bargains, espcially starrting xmas shopping in the january sales!

But he loves his food (he can eat for england and still be like a string bean lol) and thinks its great how i can cook such things from scratch and so cheaply (he once thought £1.80 for a ready made Spag bol was good value!!!! :eek: ), so much so that he brags to his mates about the lovely meals i feed him and how well i look after him

We don't live together yet, not until our new house is ready but when we do i'll have control of all the money and the running of the household, he wouldn't know where to start

But as long as he is fed and has a clean shirt for work he's happy and i'll be happy knowing that if i be as O/S as possible with the everyday household things then we will have the money for holidays, days out etc without getting ourselves into debt for it.

I see O/S as sort of my 'job' anyway, rather than going out to work earning money i make the most of the money we have coming in, therefore enabling me to be the SAHM like i've always wanted.

And we don't argue about anything really, hes soooooo laid back that as a previous poster says i'd just end up arguing at him rather than with him so no point. I tell him we don't argue because we both know that i'd win anyway lol :rotfl:

I think you should set some time aside to sit down with your OH and discuss things properly, see it from his point of view too

Kate xxx

JillD_2

My replies are going to be just like belfastgirls (which is weird cos I am also from Belfast :j )

DOes your OH support you in old style/ budgeting?

Sort of, he doesn't oppose me but I wouldn't say he is particularly positive about the whole thing.

he hates it if I say we can't afford something. This moslty applies to eating out at the weekends with the kids, so I just have to try and be strong and suggest that I would much rather go home and cook! He also hates being shown a meal plan but if I plan meals and just don;t tell him I've done it, he is fine (men!). I do all the shopping so looking for cheaop stuff doesn't affect him at all. I try to slip in a few treats (cheap oes of course) so he doesn't feel deprived, and other things that he likes e.g.
- he likes fresh orange juice, well so do I but I think its very dear. He started off insisting on tropicana with bits, then I managed to convince him to have the fresh asda versin with bits and now, because he is a recycling obsessive (hurrh for him!) I have convnced him to have the cheaper chilled concentrate stuff because it comes in a recyclabe plastic bottle not tetrapak. He also likes garlic bread with his pasta, I don't have time or inclination to make it, so I buy Asda smart price and chuck out the packaging before he eats it.
I can't get him to compromies on cereal, we all have own brand while he has posh stuff but i feel that its a case of choose your battles.
I also don't let him near the supermarket or else he spends a fortune on stuff we don't need. All this means is I have to make sure I get the shopping done on time which is fine since he works full time and I am only part time.

However having said all that he is impressed with how much our maternity leave fund is now having been able to save hundreds every month by spending less on shopping (baby due in Sept).

Does it affect your relationship?

No, it doesn't affect things either way. I suppose if anything, things are more positive as money stretches further so neither of us get so stresed about it.

Do you find it tiring/ time consuming?

Not really. I do a big shop once a week and nothing in between. I try and meal plan and this saves time as I don't have to think about what to cook. As I said above he doesn't even know that I have a plan never mind whats on it. I make up the plan while he is watching TV and do a shopping list from it. As far as he is concerned the shopping fairy does the shopping and the cooking fairy presents him with dinner each night.

Do you argue more or less about money?

Less, on the whole. If we argue its because I am being a control freak! I hate seeing things come out of the joint account where its like £3.50 plus £20 cashback from the garage. I know full well he uses this money for coffees and lunches but I can't get him to make packed lunches and I refuse to do it (though he would eat them if I did). We are doing ok for now though if money gets tighter on maternity leave maybe I will have to start doing this again. He earns most of the money so much as I hate it, I try to let him overspend a little if it make shim feel happy, its his money, we can afford for him to do it, so who am I to say no.

Blimey I didnt mean to go on as long!