Financing care for elderly person with assets

Elianne

Dementia is a very distressing disease both for relatives and the individual. Sometimes I think its easier for the individual when they've lost the realisation of the gaps in their memory and they they arn't behaving as they usually would. Sometimes people are alot worse in hospital because there is nothing familiar to anchor themselves to but sometimes it is a stepwise deterioration and its seems like their functioning has plummetted before it starts plateauing out.

Care homes that look after people with dementia are very used to meeting the needs of people with double incontinence so please don't be troubled by that. Sometimes people with quite severe dementia can continue to live at home with a lot of support - its about behaviour that produces risk to the individual. If your relative has started wandering I suspect this is a risk that is going to be very difficult to manage at home unless somebody lives with him and is on hand 24 hrs a day. Seems likely to me that he will require care home placement.

Generally speaking staff are only able to physically intervene where there is risk to an individual, other patients or staff. It would probably be more distressing to your relative to have people try to drag him away from the door when he is convinced that he needs to be there to catch a bus than to stay waiting by the door for hours. Make sure you look after yourself and get as much support as you can from all quarters.

soolin

Thank you again Elianne, I fear I am posting now just to reassure myself that I am doing the right thing all the time. There is an element of guilt at leaving him there and going behind his back to try and sell the house which he made me promise he would eventually be allowed to die in.

The staff have been good, they have realised that dad likes to make things, and so they have started him on some art therapy which he enjoys. He believes he is at work, and he tells me which one is the 'guvnor' and which are foremen etc...but he was always happy at work so that is OK.

I'm going away tomorrow for 8 days and have left contact numbers as they sort of suggested that another stroke could occur at any time, and they would need to get instructions from me in a worse case scenario. I do not want to go, but I am confident in the care and attention he is getting. On several occasions now he has mentioend being 'very happy' now that he is with other people full time, and that is a comfort.

When I come back I will be tackling all the forms that arrived today and applying for legal rights to manage his affairs, I can't say I am looking forward to it, but it must be done. I have meanwhile written to the hospital and to Social services asking for more time as I will not have everything in place within a few days of my return as they require. I think though that having spoken to various members of staff that they are not actually assuming he will go anywhere any time soon, and I am happy with that.

Elianne

Health and Social Services will make you feel pressured but try to take as little notice of that part of their communication as possible. At the end of the day, your relative is not safe to be discharged home, so they can't do it. All they can do is try to chivvy you along.

Take your holiday and do all you can to rest and revive; by doing that you are doing the best for your relative so you have the energy when you return to look out for his best interests. I'm glad that he seems to have settled and is not so distressed, thats a good sign that he will do ok once in the right care home. All the best with it.