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Issue raised by nursery key worker

in MoneySaving mums
21 replies 5.8K views
I attended parents evening yesterday at my daughters nursery (she is 3). She had a very positive report from her key worker but something she said has bothered me a bit. She didn't say anything wrong (I think it was more of an observation than anything else) and I realise that I am probably being a bit over sensitive. She said that my daughter is more of a follower than a leader (that's fine) and then she asked if she plays with anyone her own age outside of nursery as at nursery she tends to gravitate towards the adults rather than the other children. She does interact with them but just seems to prefer to either play by herself or with the adults. She is also quite independent.

While I don't think this is a problem in itself as some children are just like this, I had to say that she doesn't really have any company her own age outside of nursery as she is an only child and I don't have any friends with children the same age group. I just wondered how I can try and remedy this. I have looked into events at our local children's centre but all the sessions are run on days I work. I have also tried taking her to the park, library to mix with other children but it doesn't seem to be successful as a lot of the mums and children have their own groups etc. Does anyone have any ideas?
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Replies

  • cutestkidscutestkids Forumite
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    Do you see any other Mums at nursery when you drop off or pick up? If so you could suggest a coffee, getting together with the children perhaps somewhere like soft play. That way your daughter is with a child already familiar to her and you are getting to know more people with children the same age.
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  • MrsSippiMrsSippi Forumite
    287 Posts
    cutestkids wrote: »
    Do you see any other Mums at nursery when you drop off or pick up? If so you could suggest a coffee, getting together with the children perhaps somewhere like soft play. That way your daughter is with a child already familiar to her and you are getting to know more people with children the same age.

    Unfortunately I tend to be one of the first in the door in the morning so I don't acturally see any of the other parents and then I collect her before any of the other parents arrive in the afternoon. I can't really change this due to the hours I work.
  • cutestkidscutestkids Forumite
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    Is your daughters Birthday anytime soon, that could be another way of meeting some other Mums if you were to have a party and invite some children from her nursery class. I always found the parents stayed at parties with little ones until they were around 5 or 6 years old so could be a good chance to get chatting.
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  • themull1themull1 Forumite
    4.3K Posts
    Or she might just prefer adults/or playing by herself!
  • MrsSippiMrsSippi Forumite
    287 Posts
    themull1 wrote: »
    Or she might just prefer adults/or playing by herself!

    I did mention this in my original post! It's not a problem for me, I would just like to give her the opportunity to mix with some children outside of nursery. If she turns out to still be happiest on her own that's fine by me.
  • susancssusancs Forumite
    3.9K Posts
    As the Nursery have picked up on the fact that this is a development area for your child, they will usually have plans in place to encourage her social interaction with other children such as turn taking games like roll the ball, sitting with another child and an adult looking at a book, getting her to help give out eating equipment to other children at snack/meal times. Often children have one area that is slightly weaker and strategies may need to be put in place to help aid development e.g. boys often won't do pre-writing mark making indoors so a chalk board outdoors may help overcome this.

    Your child spends a lot of time with other children so I am sure this social interaction will come. Do your Nursery ever orgainise open days or parents breakfasts etc that you could go along to with your child. Also if you pick up in the afternoon before other children leave you could offer to go on the parent helper list and stay and play with your child and other children. If you felt confident enough you could send a note to other parents via the Nursery with your mobile asking if you coudl meet up for a playdate.
  • TBH, I wouldn't worry about it. All humans are either leaders or followers and at age 3, I'd rather my child be a leader (not bully) than a follower whom are usually tagging behind somewhere or sitting by themselves alone at break or lunch.

    She's 3! Sounds like she has enough social interaction, but maybe its just how she is. How is she development wise? if she's on track and probably advanced for her age, don't fret.

    PP
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  • MrsSippiMrsSippi Forumite
    287 Posts
    TBH, I wouldn't worry about it. All humans are either leaders or followers and at age 3, I'd rather my child be a leader (not bully) than a follower whom are usually tagging behind somewhere or sitting by themselves alone at break or lunch.

    She's 3! Sounds like she has enough social interaction, but maybe its just how she is. How is she development wise? if she's on track and probably advanced for her age, don't fret.

    PP
    xx

    Thanks so much for the reply (and to everyone else). She is definitely more of a follower than a leader though not in a bad way and I suppose some children just are. She has a very laid back personality so she doesn't tag along but she is just happy to do her own thing and be in her own company.

    She is on track with everything else developmentally. We were told that this might have been an issue because she was quite premature but she seems to be on track in most areas and slightly advanced in others, namely communication/speaking etc so although I am not 'worried', I suppose what was said made me feel a bit bad for her. I suppose that's part of being a parent - having that constant guilt about one thing or another!
  • katiegizmokatiegizmo Forumite
    178 Posts
    If that's the only comment worth concern in your daughters review then you should be one happy mummy!

    It's hard joining in as a parent sometimes, I agree everyone does seem to be in their group or clique. You just have to persevere and try to spot the other parents similar to you and be brave striking up conversation. Grow a thick skin for if they seem uninterested!!!!

    If your budget allows can you find a class for your little one on your non work days/after nursery/weekends? I take my DD to a music class which she loves and I've met a couple of like minded mums through this and now have regular play dates (which I also enjoy as the mums are like me). The class is about £7 a go but I've found it invaluable. Your library should be able to help with finding things to do, some things are not online and you need to hunt harder to find them.

    If not, who really cares? I am an only child, I spent a lot of time making my own entertainment as a kid and I am in no way introverted or anti social. I am happy and confident with my own company.
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  • theoreticatheoretica Forumite
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    How much time in the week does she spend in nursery? If she goes for a morning a week then she will obviously be seeing less of other children than if she goes part of every weekday.

    The idea that children get divided up into groups of kids exactly their age is a very recent one. Centuries ago an extended family or village group of children would have included all ages, so you might want to also think about any friends you want to spend time with who have with children of different ages.
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