Any wives/girlfriends of impotent men on the board?

valk_scot

Yes, OH is on drugs that make him impotent. He's a bit fed up with this but tbh it's not affected me much when it comes to having fun, in fact it's possibly better as we've had to get a bit more inventive about things and he doesn't just pass out ten seconds after he's had his bit. Still, he doesn't like it and I want him to be happy too so we're trying to get his drug regime modified if possible, even if it is only now and again.


Can I ask if your OH is okay about his impotence personally, does he not want to get it sorted out for his own sake as well as your's? Do you have sex together in other ways? If it's all fine by him and you're sexually satisfied then really it's only the baby question to address but if either of you feel that things aren't really good enough atm then I would suggest you continue to investigate treatment.

Lots_of_questions

Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to reply, and to those who have PMed me. I really appreciate it.

So many questions which I will do my best to answer.

This has been an issue for a number of years (I think since his late 20s) and he had chosen not to have any long term relationships since then until now, concentrating on his career instead. Although penetration is not possible, he is very affectionate and 'inventive' shall we say and so I can honestly say I don't feel as though I am missing out...the main issue is how it affects him and the issue of children.

He is very open with me about the issue and keen to resolve it, hence the hospital visits, which I know he dreads as he is a very private person. It's just frustrating as they took blood samples then there was months of waiting, then medication and months of waiting for the next appointment.... He has convinced himself there is nothing that can be done, but I'm trying to remain positive.

McKneff had asked if he can get an erection at any other time (eg the morning). The answer is no more than usual, so 'semi' erect.

I am as sure as I can be that he is not gay!

GeorgieGirl had asked if the psychological aspect had been explored - no, the Drs haven't mentioned it yet, although I'm honestly not sure how he would feel about counselling. He has a very stressful job and I'm sure this doesn't help, but we've been on holiday a few times and there was no change.

Gloomendoom had mentioned adoption but this isn't something he is very keen on exploring.

A few people had asked if he is on any medication. Unfortunately not...I wish it was something that straightforward, at least then we would know what the issue is. He worried it was his weight (I never thought it was) and so has recently went on a diet...but no difference.

InsideInsurance, thank you for your post. I had hoped the success rates were affected by issues like that. Seeing 11% was devastating....I suppose I had been living in denial and thinking that was the magic answer! He is going to ask the Dr at his next hospital appointment about how likely this is to have affected his 'count'. I've also a GP appointment made to see what my options are medically.

Harrys Dad thank you for your post. A man's viewpoint is always welcome!

Once again, I want to thank everyone for responding. I can usually talk to him about everything...but I don't want to talk to him too much about the baby issue as I know he feels guilty and useless (to quote him) and I hate the idea of upsetting him more. Some days I give serious consideration to deleting my FB where everyone seems to either have baby pictures or scan pictures.:(

InsideInsurance

Lots_of_questions wrote: »

InsideInsurance, thank you for your post. I had hoped the success rates were affected by issues like that. Seeing 11% was devastating....I suppose I had been living in denial and thinking that was the magic answer! He is going to ask the Dr at his next hospital appointment about how likely this is to have affected his 'count'. I've also a GP appointment made to see what my options are medically.

Given he has already had tests for impotence then the first one they would have done is on his testosterone level. Whilst this in itself alone isnt enough to trigger sperm production it is linked to the LH and FSH levels that are likewise linked to sperm production.

So if testosterone level is normal and there has been no injuries to the area then the prospects are at least reasonable-good for fertility. If he can ejaculate via manual stimulation even if he doesnt get full erect then there are plenty of DIY/ turkey baster options. If he cannot then it can be extracted by needle & syringe and used in IUI etc

Whilst it is possible for the adrenal glands to produce more than normal levels testosterone (in males its normally less than 5% of the total) which uses a different pathway and thus its possible to have a testosterone level and still no fertility the level would be very much reduced.

Obv all of the above is over ridden by your own personal professional medical experts and doesnt constitute advice

McKneff

Its hard to respond on such a personal matter, you say he can get semi erect.
Can he 'do it himself' and produce sperm, if so, conception/pregnancy without penetration is therefore possible.
Hope all goes well for you both

Tropez

Does he smoke? From personal experience (and a TMI alert) quitting smoking made a significant difference down there for me.

ema_o

Sorry I have just skimmed the thread but OP your last response about not wanting to upset him by discussing babies has me worried. The risk of upsetting him is far less of a risk than getting married and making assumptions. Sorry but you are going to have to have a serious chat about it, especially if you want them & he is indifferent or not open to options. It will matter far more if you wait a few years and then try and have this conversation x

ska_lover

He does seem very career orientated, in a stressful job.

I wouldn't be surprised if that there, was the culprit.

People handle things differently, but, work is not just 9-5 - you still have the stress of it when you come home - thinking about what you need to do tommorow etc

IMO it might be worth working out if his problems began, after he started his current job?

Carl31

I had trouble a few years ago. I was really young, and had some psychological problems as a result of a few failed attempts due to some medication I was taking at the time

Anyway, I went for help, had counselling, used Viagra etc...realised with the counsellor the problem was with the prescribed drugs I was using, so stopped those. Over time it went away, still get the odd problem now, but rarely, usually when I've had too much caffeine

I reckon you need to get this guy looking into the problem. If he can get semis, or occasional ones, its probably psychological. There are places online that sell generic medication that could help

Carl31

Also, to add, talking about this problem with a partner who's reassuring and patient helps a lot

onlyroz

McKneff wrote: »

Its hard to respond on such a personal matter, you say he can get semi erect.
Can he 'do it himself' and produce sperm, if so, conception/pregnancy without penetration is therefore possible.
Hope all goes well for you both

If he is capable of producing sperm at all (even if he can't get an erection) then this can be extracted and used for IVF and similar. If not then donor sperm is an option. I have a niece conceived via IVF using donor sperm.