Any wives/girlfriends of impotent men on the board?

Cotta

Lots_of_questions wrote: »

I honestly think I can...but it's proving tricky to convince him of that. And then there's a issue of children...seeing that the success rate of IUI for women my age is 11% was upsetting for both of us.

Forget your age it's not important and many women are now having kids in their 40's.

Izadora

As previous posters have said, I guess it depends on whether or not there's some kind of affection/sexual contact or not. My BF has to take blood pressure/heart medication which means, while he's not totally impotent, sex is a LOT less frequent than I'd like it to be. It's not an easy situation but with a bit of compromise, and a few tantrums on my part, we've reached a point we're both comfortable with. I can't know how important sex is to you but I'd far rather be with someone I love and compromise on that side of things than walk away.

j.e.j.

Is it due to medication?

It doesn't sound like you are 100% happy with the thought of celibacy for the rest of your life, OP (understandably!) so what others would find acceptable or not is not really that relevant. Go by your own feelings.

Cotta

Just throwing it out there but could he be gay?

McKneff

Can he get an erection at any other time, not sure that anyone has asked this. If he can, and often it is in the morning with men, then its more an 'emotional' problem than a physical. If you don't know, then ask him.


Good luck op and go with your heart.


Annie.

InsideInsurance

Lots_of_questions wrote: »

I honestly think I can...but it's proving tricky to convince him of that. And then there's a issue of children...seeing that the success rate of IUI for women my age is 11% was upsetting for both of us.

Take success rates with a big pinch of salt.

1) They include a whole host of people where both halves of the couple have infertility issues and IUI is done simply as the cheaper option to IVF. This naturally massively pushes down the success rates.

2) Natural conception isnt anywhere close to a 100% success rate either even if neither side has any known problems. Its difficult to find age based stats that dont come from companies that are wanting to sell you something to assist and so may be wanting to paint a bleaker picture but they are saying the average is between 12-15% chance for an over 35/ under 40

Can he actually ejaculate even if he doesnt get errect? If so, has he had semen analysis done? It is perfectly possible that he has normal counts and so the old "turkey baster" method is workable. Ok, its not the dream way of getting pregnant but for many people reality is due to biology, sexual orientation etc the natural way isnt an option.


As to sex itself, there is a whole world of ways to be intimate with each other and give each other pleasure. Ok, one type may be ruled out by his current medical condition but many more arent. I'm surprised you havent done any of them unless his concerns stop him starting what he cant "finish". If this is the case then psychological aspects may be at least one part to his issues.

Kayalana99

Cotta wrote: »

Just throwing it out there but could he be gay?

Sorry to quote you personally their seems to be a few similar questions to this - OP has said medication doesn't work - so I am guessing even with the blue pill it's not having an effect - then I am guessing being 'gay' or it being an emotional issue isn't possible as otherwise meds would do the trick ?

elsien

Is he open to the possibility of psychosexual counselling? If it were me, no sex wouldn't necessarily be a deal breaker but I'd want my partner to be honest about what was (or wasn't) going on. If he can't communicate and discuss/consider all the options, I'd be be wondering how committed he really was. Take it or leave it isn't enough, not as a starting point anyway.

harrys_dad

Are you happy for a man to respond? I agree with those posters who say that affection is more important than penetration, and there are loads of mutually enjoyable ways for a man to show a woman affection.

Has he any idea what caused the problem? When it started? Has it always been there? Does he want to "solve" it? Does he see it as a problem?

Loads of questions, but if he is as keen to spend the rest of his life with you as you are with him he should not mind having such a fundamental discussion.

Primrose

Did the impotence coincide with a medical issue for which medication was prescribed or some emotional or physical trauma. Was he able to get an erection during his teenage years? I accept how embarrassing this must be for him but as you say, his condition begs lots of questions and I don't know how many of them you may have asked and what his responses were. Some medications do cause impotence or partial impotence. If this is the case, is there an alternative medication?. If he is otherwise normally fit and healthy, perhaps some professional psychiatric counselling might uncover the cause. Don't give up too easily. It may be an issue that he has never been able to address in depth before hoping it might correct itself. If you are serious about being right for each other, keep probing and seeking help. Does he show signs of being in any way autistic, unaffectionate or unemotional which might possibly be connected with his current state?