Any wives/girlfriends of impotent men on the board?

Lots_of_questions

Hi

First of all, I apologise for creating a new identity. A few of my family/friends know my username and for obvious reasons this is a delicate subject I would rather they didn't read about here.

The background is that I am 36 and my boyfriend is 37. We have been together a year and have been discussing marriage. He is impotent and has been for some time and so we have never had sex. He is currently attending the hospital but blood tests have shown nothing wrong and medication had no effect.

I am 100% certain this is the man I want to spend the rest of my life with...but I am under no illusion things will be easy. I don't want to talk to friends or family about this as my boyfriend would feel very embarrassed....but I can't bottle up all my worries either, hence posting here.

I would be really grateful to hear from any wives/girlfriends of impotent men - I suppose I'm looking for reassurance a long term relationship without sex is possible.

Thank you for taking the time to read this.

neneromanova

I suppose the main question would be, can you live without and be happy without sex? Sex isn't everything in a relationship.

Lots_of_questions

I honestly think I can...but it's proving tricky to convince him of that. And then there's a issue of children...seeing that the success rate of IUI for women my age is 11% was upsetting for both of us.

dandelionclock30

There is something wrong though,what about asking him his history, has he been abused or anything like that?
If your honestly thinking about marrying him then you need some proper answers to why he cant do it. How has he managed in other relationships, how keen is he to try and get the matter sorted out? Is there a possibility he is gay and not admitting it?. I mean theres a lot of questions that need to be answered really. Not just he cant do it,had some tests and thats it.That is not good enough. I think there will probably be more to it than hes telling you.
At the end of the day your still youngish and have time to find someone who you can be in a proper full relationship with. You could just be friends with this man or do other things. However its a lot to ask to completely write off having a sex life for good at 36. Its not like your 86.

Cottage_Economy

When did it start?

What other relationships has he had in the past and was he sexually active then?

burnoutbabe

I suppose its the difference between "no sex at all, no cuddling, nothing" and "Well no penetration but I shall do everything else to keep you happy" I'd be okay with option 2.

The kids thing may be a deal breaker though.

couponqueen123

aw hun such a hard subject to approach,

but if you have been together a year with no sex and are discussing marriage then things must be good ?

i dont want to be rude but has there been no sexual contact?

i dont want to sound crude/rude at 9.30 in the morning but having sex isnt just doing the deed , there are lots of aids and toys out there that you could both enjoy and explore diffrent things ,who know might spark some thing for him (only do what make u both feel comfortable) also he could pleasure you still even if he cant be its bout striking a balance

i couldnt go with out so kind of sexual contact but i wouldnt need sex 24/7

best of luck

Georgiegirl256

dandelionclock30 wrote: »

At the end of the day your still youngish and have time to find someone who you can be in a proper full relationship with. You could just be friends with this man or do other things.

Did you even read the first post?! Sometimes I think people on here don't read things properly....

She says she is 100% certain she wants to be with this guy....100%! 'But hey OP, your man can't get it up, never mind, you can find someone else, you can still be friends' Most of us don't give up on our relationships at the first hurdle, and good for her for wanting to get some help for her OH.

OP, has your OH has any physcological tests, to see if it's something like that rather than a physical problem?

Gloomendoom

burnoutbabe wrote: »

The kids thing may be a deal breaker though.

Adoption?......

hazyjo

Yeah Citalopram (which the BF has to take) puts stop to most of our fun lol. But, as couponqueen says, there's other things you can do!

A friend of mine hasn't had sex with her husband for probably around 10 years - part impotence on his part, and she's had a few gyno probs too. They used a donor and had two kids by IVF.

Part of the reason I ended up divorced was cos my ex didn't seem to know how to show any affection and we rarely had sex - I'm talking every 4-6 months at a push (with him knowing I wanted more) and usually only then when I started saying I was in a friendship, not a relationship. BUT... there was nothing else. No affection, nothing. He had his own way of showing things, and did have a sensitive side and often cried over losing his dad, but mainly he had real difficulty in showing any physical affection towards me.

My current BF and I are still very lovey dovey and are very affectionate so anything else which is 'infrequent' seems to be a minor thing.

Good luck!

Jx

margaretclare

Yes. The results of Type II diabetes. But as hazyjo says, there is a lot more to a loving relationship than just sh*gging.

DH walked out on a marriage where she had 'gone frigid' (blaming the menopause) coincidental with his becoming aware of this happening to him. She refused even to hold his hand. There is a lot more to it, a lot more!

However, at your age it is different. The possibility of children is a big part of it.