help needed about my older son dont know who to ask or what to do?

alliboy03

Hello if I have posted this in the wrong place please advise me otherwise.
This is the pickle i'm in my older son who is 20 goes to uni and lives away. He is not in halls of residense any more as he is in his 2nd year. So he lives in a shared flat with other uni students.
I'm disabled and live with my 10 year old son all year round.
So I had my o.t come out last week with a man from the council from disabled andaptaions. They spoke to me for 3 hours about my needs and what they can do to improve my housing situation. I live in a council rented house which is extremly cold in the winter and the new heating system which the council put in has no affect on my drafty windows, damp on the walls, damp coming up through the floor's. I also need a downstairs toilet which they refuse to put in as it will cost them to much. My situation would only be helped by moving but the council said the would only put me at the top of the list if I downsize. Which means 2 bed house which effectivly if my older son comes home after he finish's uni he wont have his own room. The council said they wont move me into a 2 bedroom property till alex is not living with me anymore? what do I do?
I dont want to effectivly make my oldest child homeless in the future but I need to move for my health?
My 20 year old tells me he would never come back to the small town I live in and I should do what I like but having more experiance in life than he does i'm afraid he will be homeless and end up on my sofa in the future with no place to go. help please....:( In the mean time the council do nothing as they wont move me as they would cause overcrowding but they wont give me another 3 bed:(

KxMx

I say downsize to a 2 bed, no contest.

If worst comes to worst your 20yr could bunk in with his brother, or as you say on the sofa as a temporary measure. If it even came to that. If his flat didn't work out that doesn't automatically mean he would need to come home, he could find somewhere independently.

I think you have to put you and your health first not your adult son who doesn't live with you.

Since you won't get another 3 bed which is what you want, I think you need to compromise and go for a 2 bed.

thorsoak

Your older son is growing up and moving on - he's at uni, and has already told you that he doesn't intend to live with you when he's finished. That's as it should be - he will be making his own life. Of course he will come home to visit - so he will be happy to sleep on a futon/sofa/put-u-up.

I would advise doing what the council suggests - you are currently living in a house which is cold and draughty - and if the government continues on the current route, you could well find that you are paying "bedroom" tax on the third bedroom, because your student son will not be living with you permanently.

Now is the time to be thinking of you! If you move now, you will be getting all the facilities that you need now - and will need more - and in the future.

alliboy03

thorsoak wrote: »

Your older son is growing up and moving on - he's at uni, and has already told you that he doesn't intend to live with you when he's finished. That's as it should be - he will be making his own life. Of course he will come home to visit - so he will be happy to sleep on a futon/sofa/put-u-up.

I would advise doing what the council suggests - you are currently living in a house which is cold and draughty - and if the government continues on the current route, you could well find that you are paying "bedroom" tax on the third bedroom, because your student son will not be living with you permanently.

Now is the time to be thinking of you! If you move now, you will be getting all the facilities that you need now - and will need more - and in the future.

Thank you i will take your advice best wishes to you.:T

alliboy03

thorsoak wrote: »

Your older son is growing up and moving on - he's at uni, and has already told you that he doesn't intend to live with you when he's finished. That's as it should be - he will be making his own life. Of course he will come home to visit - so he will be happy to sleep on a futon/sofa/put-u-up.

I would advise doing what the council suggests - you are currently living in a house which is cold and draughty - and if the government continues on the current route, you could well find that you are paying "bedroom" tax on the third bedroom, because your student son will not be living with you permanently.

Now is the time to be thinking of you! If you move now, you will be getting all the facilities that you need now - and will need more - and in the future.

Thank you for your polite reply .

want_to_save

HOnestly your son will understand your health must come first... hope the move goes well and v quick for you

duchy

I think your son would be horrified if you were putting your comfort and health at disadvantage -especially as he currently has no plans to live back at home after uni-for him.
Enjoy your new home.

PlymouthMaid

As above - ask for the two bed house to go ahead. I understand your worries as I have a grown up child at uni and would want her to know she has a home so long as she needs it. I would explain how you need to move to your boy but tell him he will always have a roof over his head if he needs it although it may not be ideal. Enjoy your new home.

BitterAndTwisted

Your eldest son has told you what you should do, so listen to him and do it. If push came to shove he could either bunk in with his younger brother or you could acquire a sofa-bed, so you could provide him with a roof over his head should he need it.


His possible future needs should not over-ride the discomfort of you and your other child living in such an unsuitable home.

koan_2

I do understand your concerns. There's no guarantee that your son will be able to get a job and a flat straight after graduating, so he might need somewhere to stay. I guess you'll have to weigh up the options. How long do you think you can stay in your current house given that it's cold and draughty and has no downstairs loo?

theoretica

Good for your elder son - I am sure you will tell him how much you appreciate his maturity and putting your health first!