someone please tell me I'll get over this - marriage ended

Person_one

rocketqueen wrote: »

Thanks everyone.


I'm going through an angry phase at moment, as he was one who caused this, but he's walked away with everyone on his side somehow (not that its about sides I know) not ONE of our mutual friends has contacted me to see if I'm ok - literally not a text or anything. Guess you really do find out who your friends are at times like this. My own friends have been great though.

Have you told people what he did?

Your ex is a very talented manipulator. He kept you in limbo for months, up and down, back and forth, he even convinced you to move out at one point on his terms, didn't he?

He'll be spinning all sorts of sob stories to make sure he doesn't look like the bad guy. Sadly, there's not a lot you can do about it except be honest about what really went on and hold your head high, because you know you never set out to hurt anybody or end the marriage.

rocketqueen

Thought i'd post an update.


Thank you all (again) for your support.


I am still finding the lack of support from people hard to deal with (especially as he seems to have everyone flocking around him to help him.) My mum is only 30 miles away (and her and my stepdad have a car) but havent even come to see if im ok. That hurts a bit, although we have never been that close. My friends from work have been great, but obviously all have their own lifes to get on with.


Im lucky i can stay were i am as long as i need too, but am starting to worry about the future. Im in a very low earning job, which i love (and dont want to contemplate leaving at moment as all my friends are there) but money is likely to be a problem in the long term. My manager has offered me extra hours (I already work approx 40 hours a week) but i havent accepted them yet, as feel i need time to get over all this too.


I have no idea if im entitled to any help as before i was married i had a better paid job, and as my ex earnt very well, he was happy to pay the majority of the bills etc, now im on my own my income seems very low. Ive never claimed anything.


Suddenly the future seems very scary and its all getting to me abit.

honeybean

Believe me when I say it does get better, you always think you are the only one, I felt isolated and lonely even tho I had my family. Looking back I wonder why I felt like that but you are grieving and it takes time. Sending you a hug xxx

BitterAndTwisted

If money is likely to be a problem then take the extra hours. Take any extra hours you can get your hands on. Work appears to be a supportive environment for you and work can be a distraction from the issues at hand.

Dealing with money problems at the same time as mending a broken heart (been there, done that) is an extra pressure you just don't need at the moment.

Person_one

You might be entitled to tax credits, although as single person without children I'm afraid its not much. If you are under 35 then you'd be entitled to housing benefit at the rate for a room in a shared house, I think.

Have a look at this site, which should help you figure things out:

http://www.turn2us.org.uk

For the emotional side of things, I'm really sorry your parents haven't been more forthcoming. Do you feel able to tell them that you're struggling and would appreciate a bit of company and time from them? When you're feeling low, the Samaritans are always there as a friendly ear. You don't have to be suicidal to call: 08457 90 90 90

What do you do?

Prothet_of_Doom

You only get one life. live it.

Move on. Nobody died. Try to remember the good times, and try finding out more about the world and the people who share it with you.

lantanna

martinthebandit wrote: »

Life does get better after a breakup, but........

In my experience there is one that moves on and gets on with life and there is one that dwells in the past and ends up bitter.

Think its down to you to decide which one you are.

Don't get me wrong, its not going to be easy but it is definitely worth making the effort. Don't concentrate on what your missing, look for what you are gaining.

This is the best thing I've heard all day - so true! Look for new positives and new challenges - the end of a relationship is always difficult and I can imagine that it is very unsettling having to move from you home etc. Everything must seem very up in the air at the minute. Do take time to grieve for your relationship but remember you in all of this - look forward not backwards, yesterday cannot be undone but you can move forward with hope and optimism.

cazziebo

You come over as a strong person - perhaps you don't feel it right now! - but could it be that people feel you don't need the support? Also, I think sometimes people don't know what to say. It's like when someone dies and people you know avoid you and all you want is them to be normal...

The future might look scary, but you are now in complete control of it. You can do what you want. Stay in the job with colleagues you like and just live frugally or look at doing something completely different.

Most important is to take care of yourself. The break up of a 17 year relationship is one of the worst things that can happen to a person. You do have to allow yourself to grieve. The upside is that few things will ever happen that are worse. Spoil yourself- even just the odd manicure, expensive coffee or lunch out now and again. Bear in mind that this is just one chapter in your life - at some point you'll look back and it will be just a memory, in amongst lots of other much happier chapters.

rocketqueen

Morning everyone.

was feeling more positive this morning till I got a text from ex saying he'd packed up my stuff and could I remove it from the flat asap. Cheeky git.

Hasn't upset me exactly but shocked me a bit, as he seems so desperate for me to get my stuff out. Tho I know it'll make it easier for us both once all my stuffs gone and here with me. Hmmmm.

tayforth

This is definitely a positive thing. Once your stuff is out of there, you'll feel so much better without it hanging over you.

When are you going to pick it up? Will he be there? If so, make sure that you look well groomed. Not so that he will want you back, but to make yourself feel more confident. Walk tall. Good luck xxx