someone please tell me I'll get over this - marriage ended

Alikay

This too shall pass. (((hugs)))

I can still remember the abject misery of the break up of my first marriage 30 years ago. Now it's just a chapter of the book of my life, albeit a chunky wedge of pages:).

Things will change, your life will go on, and there'll be good things, bad things and some amazing things come along as your journey continues. Just don't expect too much of yourself for the time being, and remember that every tear you shed is one less that you have cry. x

Person_one

Whatever you do, don't even think about going back again.

Have you thought about going for some counselling?

FatVonD

rocketqueen wrote: »

Thank you all.

I've stopped crying for now, so that's a good start, knowing I've got to go to work soon helps, though its a bit bitter sweet due to work overlooking my old flat.

I didn't really plan anything practical at all, even though I had plenty of time too, as I guess I just didn't see it ever happening. I'm lucky that I can stay with my friend for as long as I need too. I only left with 2 bags of my stuff, so need to go back for rest of it but cant even consider the enormity of going back to pack. Practically I'm ok for money as we had separate bank accounts, but that's about it, I now officially have no home, no car and packed a ridicolous choice of stuff so missing lots of important stuff.

Guess I didn't expect it to be this hard, as I knew it was going to end this way if I'm realistic, but it hurts so much and I miss him.

The bits in bold, could you pop back in your lunch hours when he's not there and do it bit by bit? (And see your pet )

I seem to recall posting on your old thread to find yourself somewhere nice to live and start buying nice things that were 'yours' ready to make the move and it's still not too late!

I'd be over there taking the things I wanted and then furnishing my new space with that and all the stuff I couldn't have before because it was too girly. Don't spend too long on someone's sofa/spare room, be kind to yourself

I wouldn't rule out taking your pet too if it's feasible.

charlieboy321

((hugs)) rocket queen Im usually a lurker and not a poster.

It will get better, you will stop crying and you will eventually move on,but dont put a time limit on it or let other people tell you when they feel you should be over it by.

you will go through a grieving process of sorts, for the loss off your marriage and the loss of the future you thought you were going to have.

I am 3 years out from the day my 22+years marriage ended ,my ex fell for a co worker and just left. I was how you feel now devastated initially i like you didnt think the crying would ever stop, but in time it does and you dont notice it happening it just happens. Hold on to your memories of the good times as after so long with someone you cant ever erase the memories.

Deal with the things you can handle at the moment and dont put too much pressure on yourself, if you dont feel up to something dont do it tomorrow is another day. Make sure you eat even if its just a yoghurt and drink so that you dont make yourself ill, if things get too much for you your doctor can help with that, also counselling I found that helped me put my thoughts in order.

Lean on your friends for support and if work becomes an issue make sure someone senior to you knows whats happening as they can then be supportive. you may be surprised by the people that offer you support, the ones that may help you the most may be the ones that you would least expect.

for practical things have a look at wikivorce there will be loads of invaluable of helpful advise available on the website.

Baby steps and take one day at a time and one day you will look back and be amazed at how far you have come.

take care of yourself.

stripey1969

I think you've done the right thing, reading your other posts. There's no shortcuts to get past this misery stage though - of course you're going to feel upset, he shared your life for years and years, and you're mourning the end of what could've been as much as what it actually was. It's inevitable that you're going to be feeling down and raw for awhile - we wouldn't be human if we could move on from relationships so easily - so don't try to avoid it, or hurry it; let yourself feel it. And trust that you'll come through the other side, stronger, more confident, and sure in the knowledge that you did the right thing for you.

In the future, when you're happy again, you'll look back at your old relationship, and you'll be so proud of yourself for having the courage to do what you did.

Reasons why living on my own was great:
- having a long hot bath whenever I wanted
- eating what I wanted, when I wanted
- not fighting over the remote control
- when I did housework, it was for my benefit and no one else's, and no one had made that mess but me
- staying out without having to explain myself when I got home
- not having to make excuses to my family regarding his behaviour
- going to bed/getting up when I wanted and not having to worry about waking anyone up by accident
- listening to cheesy music without anticipating eyerolls and sarcastic comments

I'm living with a lovely man now (and trust me, I thank 'past me' SO MUCH for having the guts to split up with my partner of 16 years), but I sure do miss eating doughnuts in the bath at 3am listening to Steps! :cheesy:

Skinnyteeth

My marriage ended last march, my decree nisi came through last week. I was heartbroken when I lost my marriage, and still am if I'm honest. But it is getting easier, and I am happy. It's very much like the grieving process you go through after someone close to you passes away, you go through many stages. But as cheesy as it sounds, time does make things better.....although I know it doesn't feel like that now.

marisco_2

The end of a long term relationship is likened to the worse kind of bereavement. It is totally normal to experience every emotion possible, sometimes within the space of an hour, and you will feel like you are on a rollercoaster for a long while. The best advice I was given 8 years ago when I went through similar, was to try and not dwell and reflect on the past. You are missing the person you thought this guy was, the life that you had hoped for. In reality those things don't exist any more, and if you were to stay with him you would not attain them. You would just end up a former shadow of yourself and even more unhappy than you are feeling at the moment.

Treat yourself kindly, give yourself some time to take care of yourself and get to know who you are without the other person. Hold your head up high, cry it all out when you need to and then just believe that you have it within you to carve out a very happy and fulfilling future. It is full of possibilities that you probably daren't even contemplate right now.

nlj1520

Couldn't just read and run......I hope you got some sleep last night and have managed to eat something. Anything.
You will feel better, the crying will stop and you will be happy again. But it will take time.
I am sure that keeping busy and getting exercise will really help. Yes, you need to cry and grieve and get angry, but also you need to build a new and wonderful life. It is such early days and the pain must be so raw, so as another poster said, baby steps. Be kind to yourself. And let people help you.
All the very, very best wishes for the future.

justme111

Exercise , any type is indeed great. Any strong experiences are - for example a few days off for a surfing course. Cold , difficult , feels like a torture but very healthy and will take your mind off your past relatnship . I guess most of us been in some shape or form where you are so were a proof that people survive it . No wonder you fell like you feel , after one of my breakups wine was my main source of calories for about five days , that's how it is.

duchy

You're allowing to cry -you are grieving for what could have been......and not matter your sensible head tells you otherwise your heart hurts for the hope you had for the future when you first got married and all the hopes and plans you had back then.

Like any loss it takes time ..... but in the coming weeks you'll start to plan ....find a new home and gradually rebuild with new plans and suddenly realise you are looking forward to things again and not looking backward.

The first raw grief is horrible and there are no short cuts -it just has to be endured -but like any wound-time heals-I promise.