someone please tell me I'll get over this - marriage ended

themull1

Of course it will get better.xx my husband left me in 2011, and i'm now married to a lovely man and couldnt be happier, take one day at a time, but it will get easier, i promise.

rocketqueen

Thought I'd update you all.

its been nearly 2 weeks and is definitely getting easier now. I went back to the flat a week ago to get some of my stuff and that's helped a lot.

Still really missing the cat as she was so excited to see me when I went to get my stuff, think its going too take a long time to accept she's not mine anymore. That bit is really hard.

Overall all though I think I'm doing well. My friends have been amazing at keeping me busy but giving me space at same time.

Thank you for all the support I've received on here too.

RuthnJasper

Bless you, RQ. Sending lots of hugs your way. xx Wish I had words that would comfort and make everything better, but I know that no words really cure anything.

Maybe, once you're settled elsewhere, your might look favourably at letting the cat live with you?

Love and good wishes in any case. xx

harrys_nan

I am pleased you are starting to feel a bit better, it will get easier as time goes by and one day you will look back at this and wonder why you was so upset, it may take a long time but you will get to that stage.
I hope your eating a bit now and pampering yourself, it all helps. Sounds like you have some good friends around you. Sending you some virtual ((((hugs))))

tayforth

rocketqueen wrote: »

Thought I'd update you all.

its been nearly 2 weeks and is definitely getting easier now. I went back to the flat a week ago to get some of my stuff and that's helped a lot.

Still really missing the cat as she was so excited to see me when I went to get my stuff, think its going too take a long time to accept she's not mine anymore. That bit is really hard.

Overall all though I think I'm doing well. My friends have been amazing at keeping me busy but giving me space at same time.

Thank you for all the support I've received on here too.

((((Hugs)))) RQ. You're doing so well. I'm glad that you're feeling more positive, and it sounds like your friends are worth their weight in gold.

Would your ex let you have the cat? If not, would you think about getting another one at some stage? They are fab company xxx

aileth

Well done, RQ.

Like Tayforth says, has he stipulated that he's keeping the cat? Are you unable to keep it where you're presently residing? Might be worth a bit of negotiation perhaps, e.g. he has it until you find accommodation where kitty can stay, or trading something for him (as cold as that sounds).

Pinzy

It'll take time (there's a cliche!), and there'll be low points at 6 months, a year, maybe 2 years, but it does get easier, and one day you'll realise you haven't even thought of the ex for days. It sounds like your friends are doing a grand job.

I've had 2 friends go through divorces a few years ago, one of them swore they'd never get married again, but a couple of years later, I was attending his wedding!

Keep busy, it does help, and allow yourself a big cry every now and then. It is all a process, but the one guarantee is that it will continuously get better.

teawithmilk

Hi RQ, I just wanted to send you some hugs, its an awful thing to have to go through.

Last year at around this time I also left my husband and the first few months were awful. But I have been able to do so much stuff that I never was able to when I was with him. Some days I still just want to cry. I take a bit of inspiration from other people around me that I have seen go through divorce...some amazing people that have had a much harder time than me going it alone.

There are still a few issues hanging over me, mainly relating to money. But I'm still here, and getting stronger and more independent all the time (I hope)

I'm just trying to take small steps at the moment.

I really hope you sort out the issues with your cat, my DD would have been so upset if she had to leave her pets and it has made it feel more homely in our new place.

Good luck RQ, hang in there! ((((RQ))))

rocketqueen

Thanks everyone.

For those of you that asked about the cat, legally he's the owner and there's no chance he'll let me have her. I also know as she's so nervous and has health issues (making her an indoor cat) that she will be better off staying in her home and familiar surroundings. I know he'll look after her and have no worries on that front, but doesn't stop me worrying about her and missing her like crazy.

I'm going through an angry phase at moment, as he was one who caused this, but he's walked away with everyone on his side somehow (not that its about sides I know) not ONE of our mutual friends has contacted me to see if I'm ok - literally not a text or anything. Guess you really do find out who your friends are at times like this. My own friends have been great though.

This is longest I've gone in 17 years without seeing him, so does seem very weird at moment, but I know although its hard I made right decision.

tayforth

rocketqueen wrote: »

Thanks everyone.

For those of you that asked about the cat, legally he's the owner and there's no chance he'll let me have her. I also know as she's so nervous and has health issues (making her an indoor cat) that she will be better off staying in her home and familiar surroundings. I know he'll look after her and have no worries on that front, but doesn't stop me worrying about her and missing her like crazy.

I'm going through an angry phase at moment, as he was one who caused this, but he's walked away with everyone on his side somehow (not that its about sides I know) not ONE of our mutual friends has contacted me to see if I'm ok - literally not a text or anything. Guess you really do find out who your friends are at times like this. My own friends have been great though.

This is longest I've gone in 17 years without seeing him, so does seem very weird at moment, but I know although its hard I made right decision.

You're right - you do find out who your friends are at times like this. And I'm so glad that you have some good'uns.

When I ended my marriage, my ex told his friends (who were by then my friends too) a !!!! and bull story that showed him in a good light i.e. that I had just walked out on him and he had no idea why, he wanted to make it work etc. Was I angry when I heard about it? At first, yes. But then I just let it go over my head. Some of them still keep in touch, but it's not the same and never will be. And I'm fine with that.

What hurt more was that a friend of MINE (whom I've been friends with for 12 years) has barely been in touch with me since it all happened. I was there for her during a bad breakup 10 years ago - I phoned her daily, went round to see her 3-4 days a week, got her out walking for exercise and fresh air, and gave her plenty of tea and sympathy.

Now, I didn't expect the exact same from her (as she's now married with kids, and hasn't got as much free time as she had)... but she's texted me 3 times in a year. That's it. I asked her the other week if she wanted to meet up, she never even replied. This is a girl I used to meet up with at least once or twice a month.

So I've decided to forget about her. She clearly wasn't a real friend to me. And that hurts. But you know what? I have come to realise that I only want people around who care about me. And some of my friends have really stepped up to the plate by comparison. Rather than dwelling on the negative, I choose to give thanks for those real friends.


(((Hugs)))