The final straw....

Cottage_Economy

It must be difficult to be married to someone who acts like this with his employers. It must seem like he's doing it on purpose, and to a certain extent he is.

Most of us never say or do what we really want at work because we recognise there are negative consequences, like disciplinaries and dismissal, but your husband still forges on regardless.

My father did this all of his life, and as a result he has very few friends, no real family apart from mum, me and my sister ( and even then we keep our distance) and no-one who keeps in contact with him from his various jobs. It's never his fault, it is always some else who was at fault. They took something the wrong way, they were out to get him, blah, blah, blah.

He believes he should be able to say what he likes as its is the truth (usually presented bluntly with no diplomacy, tact or sensitivity) and does not respect authority or management. He saves his biggest vitriolic rants about the police and the army.

marisco_2

shiningfaery wrote: »

It has been one thing after another and I have had enough, I need stability for me and my family.

A word to the wise here. The children are young yet, but in order to avoid as much trauma for them as possible over your split with their dad, things need to be handled very carefully. Otherwise life will continue to feel like handling one thing after another for you to face and deal with, in the form of handling their upset and reactions to such an upheaval to all they currently feel secure about.

Reaching a state of stability in all of your lives comes down to far more than sorting out practicalities and the financial side of things. For their sake stop referring to them as 'mine' and consider them as 'ours'. It is very apparent that just a year into your marriage you feel very disillusioned and want out. Like it or not due to the children you two share, your husband is going to be a part of your life for many years to come. If they are to be able to look back on a happy, secure and love filled childhood, then you two are going to have to develop a respectful, cooperative and effective relationship with each other so far as being their parents goes. The children are the priority now, not you two.

Any

How many people here jumping at the OP for wanting to leave someone who quite obviously have no care for his family, feels any responsibility how they survive or what will they do next?
Because from where I am standing that is what I see.. you think many of us don't want to have our stand sometimes, tell the boss that he is a plonker or that their ideas are quite frankly ridiculous?
But we don't. Our first thought is what is little Mary going to eat if we don't bring home wage and how scared will my family be when the executors come knocking..
Made promise for better or worse-completely agree. But once to lose job is nearly normal, twice is unlucky, three times is really bothering but 4 times in 12 months?? One needs to see the cause and need to want to do something dofferent next to change the outcome.. the worse needs to come from both sides!!
And not being helpful at home either when they tried.. councelling tried..
How bad does it have to be for one to be able to decide that a person over 18 needs to be an adult and not a child without a bib for any family to work?
I know a man like this and no one in that family is happy.. I just struggle to see why would someone stay in a relationahip where repeatedly a person shows such a selfish behaviour..

Sorry OP, no real advice apart from check out any help for single parents out there until you can go back to work.

justme111

In response to the question - probably local council re housing, benefit agencies , womans aid. You been given this advice already so there was some useful for you outcome from this thread. I would try to leave together as flatmates at least trying to get through difficult period of no money and young child though. I think after you decide to split you still owe him some loyalty in trying to make the split easier for him which would not be in present circumstances. You may say that you given him many chances already but giving chances for married life and helping each other once separation decided are different things.

justme111

Any , I absolutely agree , if married life does not go well than far better to separate than living miserable. But I do not think it should be done in haste which looks like it is going to be done here , they just got married and had a child ! Op does not come across as reasoning very soundly which is expected from someone under stress and with 8 months old child ! It's not the best time to take decisions like that and even worse time to act on them. Getting information is good though , hope that's what it is about .

cazziebo

Slightly different situation in that it was my ex-h who left me. I was a single parent (kids were 2 and 5mths at the time) for the next 20 years. I had a house in negative equity and absolutely no income at first to pay the mortgage. I was never on benefits (except child benefit and £6 per week lone parent benefit), no family around, and worked full time. It is not a life I'd recommend.

I'd urge you to try to resolve this. From my reading, it might be that you're better suited to holding down a job while he worries about the house and childcare. He might be cr*p at it now but he can to learn. You only got married a year ago - don't walk away yet.

harrys_nan

For everyone who is judging the op,her life isn't fun.I was married to a man like that, we were together for 20 years. He gave his jobs up at a drop of a hat, he was a caring dad but that doesn't put a roof over heads or food on the table. I worked all hours trying to keep our heads above water and he repaid me by having an affair, of course it was my fault, I neglected him, no I was blooming working and getting tired.
Op, research all you need to to get all the info that will help you make a decision. It isn't fun being a single parent,but your life might be better, at least you won't have another child to look after.
I hope things get better for you and the kids

shiningfaery

Thank you for the support from the select few. Everyone seems to be focused on the length of my marriage I have been in this cycle for 6 years.

Just to add again I AM EMPLOYED. Won't be relying on benefits.

I am just researching at this stage and haven't made any final decisions.

Just this morning when organising money to cover our bills at end of month I got an earful because I will have to use our small amount of savings to cover our bills. I then need to figure out how to keep paying them and the only input I am getting is don't panic. He has no interviews set up and has applied for 2 job's since tuesday.

I may be coming across as heartless but I know I am not. I have put up with a lot from this man and I would never take the kids away from him there is no argument there he is their dad nothing changes that.

Being a mum is my priority but doesn't mean I shouldn't be happy with the relationship I am in.

Don't judge me unless you know what I have gone thru to get here.

FBaby

I totally sympathise written you OP. It is really hard to feel you are the sole element of what should be a partnership and have to hold everything on your shoulders especially with very young demanding kids. I can imagine how you feel you traded a partner in crime for a third child. I can imagine you are exhausted, frustrated and as a result Not showing the best of yourself. Just a question so you actually still love him?

koan_2

Don't forget we're only ever getting one side of the story on here..

OP as he's the father of your children you are going to be involved with this man for the rest of your life, whether you like it or not. While his behaviour is less than perfect (as, I suspect is yours) I do think you're in for a nasty shock if you think you can just up and leave with 2 young children and cut him out of your life.