The final straw....

shiningfaery

Background: I am married with 2 children both preschool. I have been with husband for 6 years married for 1. both kids are his too.

My husband has lost his job again.:mad:
Now I made a promise to myself that if this happened I would leave, now just so I dont come over as being insensitive for the last 4 years my husband has had multiple jobs and I mean in the 2 figures. Each job has ended with him stating it wasn't his fault. He has an attitude problem and has rubbed up every person the wrong way.
For instance this latest job he made a comment in "friendly" company that ended with him being accused of being racist (not that it matters but he was complaining about the influx of polish people in our area) since then they have been trying to get rid of him and they have been successful.
Previous to this he overstepped his boundary and cost his employer a contract that ended his employment.
It has been one thing after another and I have had enough, I need stability for me and my family.

On top of this we havent been getting on well in last few months due to his childish behavior and refusal to take responsibility for anything. He is selfish and arrogant but as he is a good dad I was trying to look past all that, cant now and I am not happy so have decided to move forward and leave.....

I have broke up with him before and this was pre 2 kids so not as big a deal as now, I have no idea how to do this. Financially I am not working as my youngest is only 8 months old, I have a job to go to but childcare would be an issue so not sure how that would work. My biggest hurdle is a home, we currently rent jointly the home we are in and neither of us can afford it now or separately if working so moving is the only option.

I havent spoken to him regarding all this so he has no clue and I dont know how to do that either, I want to start making arrangements to get me and the kids sorted but dont know where to start.

We dont have any money in terms of savings or assets so besides the children our separation would be straightforward.

Any advice on how to proceed.......

rachiibell

Good on you for getting stability for yourself and your children. I can't offer much in the way of advice although i'm sure there will be someone along soon that can. I wouldn't mention any of this to him until you've done your research and got an escape plan so to speak.

Some things to think about:
Do you have a minimum term left on the property you're currently renting?
Look at what benefits you would be entitled to as a single parent.
Work out what your budget would be.
Start looking at what type of place you could afford to rent locally.
Are there any family members / friends who might be able to help with childcare?
Is it an option to go back to work part time?

Good luck x

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow

If you split up from your husband and can get a job working at least 16 hours a week you might be better off than you think.

Even at minimum wage you would get working tax credits, child tax credits, child benefit, housing benefit and council tax benefit, and your ex would have to pay 20% of his earnings in child maintenance too (when he's working! obviously)

Start gathering information. Go and see a couple of solicitors for a half hour free consultation. Get on your local authority housing list. Start looking for alternative accommodation. Look on government websites to see how much your entitled to. Visit the CAB.

Hope this helps.

j.e.j.

So the guy's lost all his jobs and is now about to lose his home, his wife and his young family as well. What would you do if he applies to be the resident parent of the kids?

balletshoes

j.e.j. wrote: »

So the guy's lost all his jobs and is now about to lose his home, his wife and his young family as well.
What would you do if he applies to be the resident parent of the kids?

considering you no longer get legal aid for child residency cases, and according to the OP he can't afford the roof over his head without a job, do you think thats likely?

OP don't worry about that - its a possibility, of course, but with child residency the courts tend to start with the status quo, so if you have been the one home with them, the main carer for them etc, the children will be with you (as long as theres not been any social work etc involvement).

I second making an appointment with the CAB.

onlyroz

Perhaps an option might be for you to go out to work and him to become a full-time dad?

Rottensocks

I think you need to have a talk with him and tell him how afraid you feel for the future, and how afraid you are for your kids.

His CV must look worse and worse each time this happens - it sounds as though he is not making it past his probationary period in most of these jobs? Increasingly, I suppose employers will look at the CV, see say, 12 jobs in five years and think "Nah".

If you had an honest discussion with him about how you feel life might be more reliable and safe if you were seperated from him, do you think that would buck his ideas up?

Alternatively, perhaps you could find a happy medium if he stayed at home with the kids and worked part time, and you went out full time? You say he's a good dad, but rubbish at holding down a job, whereas you are worried about income and stability, and could reliably do a full time job - Might be worth a discussion at least??

No reason in this day and age to be stuck in the husband = breadwinner mindset.

shiningfaery

To J.E.J who stated about him trying to be the resident parent he wouldn't even know that option exists to him and if he tried I would cut his **** off. Rant done!!

Thanks to those of you with helpful replies, we have tried the reversal of roles and it didn't work, he is about as useful with the kids and household stuff as a chocolate fireguard.
I was working up til a few weeks ago when I was signed off, I am receiving treatment for post natal depression. I do have full intentions of returning to work when I can, but my husband doesnt like me working around him schedule part time.

There is more to this than his inability to hold a job its just this has been the another thing to add to the thousand things on top, and I cant take it anymore. There is not enough space on here for me to detail everything. I am not rushing into anything here as it is a massive step that affects more than just me and need to make sure I am making the right decision, the more I think about it the more certain I am.

I contacted my LL earlier and they have stated that i can put in a claim to LHA in the meantime and that there may be an option for them to rehome me. So I am exploring my options and will find the right one for me and my kids.

justme111

It's a bit confusing - how come you had two children , one of them just 8 months with someone you promised to yourself to leave if he poses a job again ? How come you married him just a year ago ?
If you don't want to stay with him then you split , eware if he becomes a husehusband and you want to leave him he may have far stronger case for kids . With all due respect , I would not trust my judgement much if I were you so probably the best thing is do nothing at the.moment

RAS

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow wrote: »

If you split up from your husband and can get a job working at least 16 hours a week you might be better off than you think.

Even at minimum wage you would get working tax credits, child tax credits, child benefit, housing benefit and council tax benefit, and your ex would have to pay 20% of his earnings in child maintenance too (when he's working! obviously)

Have you checked www.turn2.us.org.uk to find out what help you would get towards child care and housing?

When does your current rental end?

I think you need to assume that if you do split up, he will not pay CSA as he will probably not be working enough to make collection possible.

j.e.j.

shiningfaery wrote: »

To J.E.J who stated about him trying to be the resident parent he wouldn't even know that option exists to him and if he tried I would cut his **** off.

lovely....

So I am exploring my options and will find the right one for me and [STRIKE]my[/STRIKE] our kids.

just fixed that for you :cool: