Freaking out about the wedding

Petite_Anglaise

I REALLY sympathise!

We are in a similar situation...OH's parents have invited so many relatives, work colleagues and friends of the (who invited them to their own children's weddings) that they are starting to make up almost half the guest list...and I've never met any of them!

Luckily the PIL to be have agreed to pay 'per head' for each of them which is lucky really as it's about £60 each not including drinks.
If this wasn't the case I'd be livid!

Yes agree with all the posters- I've learnt so much during this wedding organisation process. Sadly it doesn't quite feel like our wedding anymore...the flip side of this is that the in laws pay a chunk for all the guests they want to invite but the downside, as I pointed out to my OH is that there will be at least 70 people at OUR wedding who I do not know from a hole in the wall (OH was very liberal with inviting work colleagues- past & present- plus their partners grrr!)

Part of me feels ashamed as I'm not being true to myself...I've always thought we'd have a wedding just with guests we both know and who mean something to us and our relationship.
Also we're hoping to buy our own home at some point, but we live in London so it's looking v unlikely any time soon :-(

I'm starting to realise what the priorities in life are...

Petite_Anglaise

To address you initial post (sorry went off on a rant there!)...you need to stand up to the in laws, would suggesting informing them of the cost per head.

Do NOT agree to pay for all these extra guests, you will resent it plus you will set the tone for the future with the in laws. Personally I think it's outrageous that they invite all these extras but expect you guys to pick up the bill. That's the worst in my opinion!

Si_Clist

Trixsie1989 wrote: »

when I commented on how big the wedding was getting I got the reply 'well weddings are big and expensive it's just one of those things you have to put up with'

That's outrageous. The woman is not right in the head.

Evil_Olive

Just been through this with my own mum - fiances mum is no problem - she's kept right out of everything except when I've asked her to help.

My problem was that mum wanted to invite everybody's kids and We wanted none.
Our guestlist was already at the max 120 that our venue can legally hold so adding to the numbers wasn't an option.

I solved the problem by relenting on the children of my immediate siblings only (got 2 sisters and 3 stepsisters :-/) which added 6 and gave my mum a list of adults on her side of the family that I wasn't overly bothered about either way and told her to pick which 5 she wanted to take off the guest list to make room for the children. I've lost a few aunties & uncles but hoping that I can put them back in if I get a few declines.
I might also 'forget' the children in the numbers as we've got a villagehall/pub function room and are providing all the food ourselves so I reckon that the venues won't notice that we're 5 small children over the max

We WON'T be providing any special entertainment just for the children - My mum can look after them

Trixsie1989

Evil_Olive wrote: »

Just been through this with my own mum - fiances mum is no problem - she's kept right out of everything except when I've asked her to help.

My problem was that mum wanted to invite everybody's kids and We wanted none.
Our guestlist was already at the max 120 that our venue can legally hold so adding to the numbers wasn't an option.

I solved the problem by relenting on the children of my immediate siblings only (got 5 sisters :-/) which added 6 and gave my mum a list of adults on her side of the family that I wasn't overly bothered about either way and told her to pick which 5 she wanted to take off the guest list to make room for the children. I've lost a few aunties & uncles but hoping that I can put them back in if I get a few declines.
I might also 'forget' them in the numbers as we've got a villagehall/pub function room and are providing all the food ourselves so I reckon that the venues won't notice that we're 5 small children over the max

We WON'T be providing any special entertainment just for the children - My mum can look after them

I think coz my own mums not here anymore I'm taking it harder than I would otherwise with all the mil stress, we haven't seen eye to eye from getting engaged until we moved out a couple of months ago and even now it's strained, I avoid bringing up the wedding when it's just me n her coz it upsets me with the comments. I think coz when they all got married back in the 80s the done thing was to invite every sodding person you've ever known but then the parents picked up a lot of the bill for them where no one has offered for us, which is no problem we are happy to pay for what we want and have worked out what we can afford to spend. I refuse to be losing out of something I want so they can have something they want xxx

Trixsie1989

Forgot to add, I have no idea what the max the hotel will hold is. The registry will hold upto 75 but unless anyone has looked into it it's only me n oh that know that atm.still want to keep the number under 50 to ppl we are really close to, couldn't give a toss about seeing distant relatives on the day just coz it's the done thing to feed them and not see them again until a funeral xxx

Trixsie1989

Petite_Anglaise wrote: »

To address you initial post (sorry went off on a rant there!)...you need to stand up to the in laws, would suggesting informing them of the cost per head.

Do NOT agree to pay for all these extra guests, you will resent it plus you will set the tone for the future with the in laws. Personally I think it's outrageous that they invite all these extras but expect you guys to pick up the bill. That's the worst in my opinion!

We haven't agreed to pay for a lot of the extras, oh has agreed to the aunt n uncle after being guilt tripped and having mil screaming at him saying she doesn't know if I even want to marry him coz I'm doing all the organising, he has no say in it (he does!) and I'm not letting him invite his own family! Just because I said we weren't planning on inviting these two as they constantly get slagged off and I've never met the one despite being with oh for over 3 years. So many times I've wanted to punch my mil for her insensitive comments so I cut her out of wedding planning and dress shopping and now I keep getting hints like 'ppl at work have asked me if I'm excited about the wedding but I've got nothing to be excited about coz the grooms family don't do a lot but I'd love to help.' Xxx

savvy

Trixsie1989 wrote: »

We haven't agreed to pay for a lot of the extras, oh has agreed to the aunt n uncle after being guilt tripped and having mil screaming at him saying she doesn't know if I even want to marry him coz I'm doing all the organising, he has no say in it (he does!) and I'm not letting him invite his own family! Just because I said we weren't planning on inviting these two as they constantly get slagged off and I've never met the one despite being with oh for over 3 years. So many times I've wanted to punch my mil for her insensitive comments so I cut her out of wedding planning and dress shopping and now I keep getting hints like 'ppl at work have asked me if I'm excited about the wedding but I've got nothing to be excited about coz the grooms family don't do a lot but I'd love to help.' Xxx

Wow she honestly sounds like a spoilt brat :eek: I can imagine my mother being like that, but she will be banned from the ceremony and possibly the evening do if my brother can't control her

Trixsie1989

He's an only child so I can understand a little bit that they would like the big wedding coz there'll only be one but I refuse to budge now as it's not what we want.im just done with all the !!!! now, want the day to be here and gone so we can lose all the stress coming from the family. Just lucky that no one knows who our suppliers are so they can't be calling and changing things.that happened to,a friend who doesn't like marzipan so they ordered a tier on the cake that had none on so she could eat some and her inlaws changed it to all marzipan without her knowing until the day! Xxx

Si_Clist

Trixsie1989 wrote: »

Just lucky that no one knows who our suppliers are so they can't be calling and changing things.that happened to,a friend who doesn't like marzipan so they ordered a tier on the cake that had none on so she could eat some and her inlaws changed it to all marzipan without her knowing until the day! Xxx

Any wedding supplier who takes instructions from anyone other than the person paying their bill is totally in the wrong. Not only that, they're singularly stupid and they deserve to be on the losing side in court sooner or later.