Freaking out about the wedding

Bella73

AndyBSG wrote: »

Unfortunately for the OP, that's just how weddings work.

Both sets of parents will see it 'their son/daughters wedding' so think that gives them a say in it.

I was very firm with my future in laws when we started the wedding so they got the message early on and didn't try to pressure my OH into anything.

Best thing is to sit down with your OH and ask him 'Is this what YOU want or what your PARENTS want'?

I think both sets of parents are welcome a say in the wedding when they are footing the bill. Neither set are, it is the couple paying for their wedding and being forced to invite people they would not invite.

I always find it really wierd that Great Auntie Joyce or whoever is suddenly so important when they last saw the bride or groom when they were 6 months old as soon as the word wedding is mentioned.

Trixsie1989

Thank you for all your replies, I've tried to talk to oh today but he's refusing to talk about it until the dust has settled.my dad has rung today and is backing off but as oh's family is smaller than mine that seems to be the starting point between his mum n auntie. Our family is smaller so you need to invite this person that you haven't seen in 10 years to balance it out and I don't understand that logic really? I just don't see why we should invite ppl to bump the numbers up. Fortunately we have a good deal with our hotel but it's still around £40 per head so it's going to quickly add up. Combine all this with my head bridesmaid announcing that she's trying for a baby and could well be 8 months gone by then after her dress has been ordered and my head is melted. Mil won't even tell me whether she wants real or fake flowers atm and I'm ordering the fake ones in the next week or so! Xxx

krustylouise

I can COMPLETELY sympathise. We originally planned to invite 30 total during the day. We were both happy about this and discussed our guest lists extensively, never once was a certain set of relatives mentioned. Then OH came round after having had a chat with his dad. Apparently he had said "you're not inviting so and so and so and so if you're not inviting you're auntie because your auntie is close family and your second cousins aren't!" This annoyed me greatly because 1. I class close family as people I am close to not closely related to. And 2. We are paying for this bl00dy wedding ourselves and so we invite who the bl00dy hell we want! Come to the day we wrote our final guest lists and OH mentions this auntie...I said she wasn't on your initial list it's only since your dad said! And it caused a row. It really riles me up that I have had to let that slip, purely to please his Dad! I swear if anything else gets mentioned about who should or shouldn't be coming I might regret my actions! x

Stephb1986_2

Trixsie1989 wrote: »

Mil won't even tell me whether she wants real or fake flowers atm and I'm ordering the fake ones in the next week or so! Xxx

WHOA!!!!! Why are you asking your mother in law if she wants real or fake flowers????? it's your choice!!!!! My parents don't really talk to any of their family so we have more of my parents friends than family. My h2b's mum talks to all her sister and brother so they are invited out of 50 people only 14 our my guests all the other are my h2b's family and friends. It's not tit for tat.

No matter what you will not please everyone, I've given up trying now.

Sundaysgirl

^ THIS. Steph sums it up perfectly - your wedding, it's between you and OH to decide.

savvy

Bella73 wrote: »

As the pair of you are paying for it all you need to man up to the situation. If they want to invite all and sundry, inform them now how much each of their guest list is going to cost, factor in meal, welcome drink, you will need a bigger cake, more invitations, favours, more decorations for tables, more time with the photographer etc the lot and give them a total. Might sharpen the mind for them.

Do it with a smile, of course you can invite 30 people that will be let me see at £60...£1800. (Just pulled the figure out of the air as no idea of your budget but you get the gist). Obviously you will need the money upfront as well.

Aha, exactly what I was going to suggest! :T If parents want extra people, then they need to pay for them, why the heck should you start married life in more debt than you bargained for just because parents wanted some extras..........Jeez who are the adults here??? :eek:

Trixsie1989

Stephb1986 wrote: »

WHOA!!!!! Why are you asking your mother in law if she wants real or fake flowers????? it's your choice!!!!! My parents don't really talk to any of their family so we have more of my parents friends than family. My h2b's mum talks to all her sister and brother so they are invited out of 50 people only 14 our my guests all the other are my h2b's family and friends. It's not tit for tat.

No matter what you will not please everyone, I've given up trying now.

Just for her corsage not for it all, got the rest picked and sorted but she's got a thing with bugs so rather than just assuming fake I've given her the choice but if she don't tell me soon it'll be fake. Had enough now xxx

Trixsie1989

krustylouise wrote: »

I can COMPLETELY sympathise. We originally planned to invite 30 total during the day. We were both happy about this and discussed our guest lists extensively, never once was a certain set of relatives mentioned. Then OH came round after having had a chat with his dad. Apparently he had said "you're not inviting so and so and so and so if you're not inviting you're auntie because your auntie is close family and your second cousins aren't!" This annoyed me greatly because 1. I class close family as people I am close to not closely related to. And 2. We are paying for this bl00dy wedding ourselves and so we invite who the bl00dy hell we want! Come to the day we wrote our final guest lists and OH mentions this auntie...I said she wasn't on your initial list it's only since your dad said! And it caused a row. It really riles me up that I have had to let that slip, purely to please his Dad! I swear if anything else gets mentioned about who should or shouldn't be coming I might regret my actions! x

Same with us, no mention of this auntie or his other uncle until it was brought up by his mum and when I commented on how big the wedding was getting I got the reply 'well weddings are big and expensive it's just one of those things you have to put up with' but no I don't have to just lie down and take it, starting to feel like it's everybody else's day but ours atm tbh. I just don't see why they should come when we prob won't see them again ever! And all the family does is slag them off, really don't understand family politics at all! Xxx

Trixsie1989

savvy wrote: »

Aha, exactly what I was going to suggest! :T If parents want extra people, then they need to pay for them, why the heck should you start married life in more debt than you bargained for just because parents wanted some extras..........Jeez who are the adults here??? :eek:

This is why it's stressing me out, tbh with the wedding we want we won't end up in debt as the plan was to do what we can afford and pay for it monthly until the final payment on 1st jan but the way it's getting out of hand we'll be about 2k in the red by the end of it. Just gonna keep doing what I'm doing and when we sit down to do the guest list it'll be without the parents there xxx

savvy

Good luck Trixsie