Starting a family seems unaffordable - stuck in limbo

pineapple123

92203 wrote: »

Thanks, we've been saving up for a house deposit since she qualified, and now have just shy of £20k. We can't afford to buy in the South AND have children, so have been looking at buying somewhere up in the Midlands or North of England. Still doesn't seem feasible. I need to earn more money

I think you will be just fine, you have done well saving and its obvious that you can both manage your finances well and whatever happens Im sure you will work it out like most people and the thing is if necessary your partner being a nurse can work when you dont reducing child care expense and some running around.

92203

blondebubbles wrote: »

So after all your bills etc, how much "spare" money do you and your partner have?

About £1200, £1k gets saved for our house deposit, £200 is split between us for clothing/personal spending money and to go into our holiday fund.

Free_Spirit_31

Hi 92203

My partner and I have been together for 5 years and we do not want children.

His mother is saddled with her great nephews every day and she often complains that she has no time for herself because she has 2 kids under the age of 5 to look after.

I would not want to be a burden on any of our parents to be a free childminder for children, they have done their job and they have the right to enjoy their free time.

We both work part time (through choice), but we manage OK as we have no mortgage to pay, no car and no debts whatsoever. I have to be up at half 5 every morning and I am home by 12pm from work. I would not want to be up earlier than than to have to get myself and a child ready to cart them to a relatives house.

One of us would have to either give up work or get a job that works around childcare. Then one of us would have to compete to get time off work to coincide with half term.

We don't believe in the 'if and when you have kids you will manage' because I have heard so many parents complaining that they have no money or the kids are costing them too much.

I commend people who do have children, I don't know how they do it!

[Deleted User]

Hi,

pineapple123 wrote: »

To be blunt children cost and as they get older they cost even more.
Children stress you out from babies needing constant attention to teens what are they up to.

If you are so concerned about cost, avoid stress and expense, don't make babies.

pineapple123

[Deleted User] wrote:

Hi,



If you are so concerned about cost, avoid stress and expense, don't make babies.

Mine are grown up now but I know how darn hard it is being a working mum.

Almost-free

As you save almost all your partners wage at the moment- it sounds to me like you could easily manage. Maybe she could work part- time? Can be the worst or best of both worlds,depending on the situation!

tizerbelle

92203 wrote: »

She is very keen to have a child and I am confident that we would be able to provide the child with a good upbringing

I'm ignoring all the financial guff because to me this sentence speaks volumes. Do you actually want children? Ignore what your partner wants or thinking about doing it to please her/because its expected but do you yourself want children?

IMO you appear to be looking for reasons not to have children rather than reasons to do so and then plan to use those reasons to tell her "sorry, we can't afford a child" rather than "sorry but I don't want a child".

tomtom256

I earn approx £24k per year, subsidised with tax credits and child benefit. I also get DLA for now.

Wife stays at home and we have 3 children and we survive.

We pay rent and have all the usual bills.

Children are always loved, clothed and fed and that's all that matters. We just don't have all the latest gadgets or TV's in everyroom or drive flash cars.

It's not always easy but when you walk in from work and they say I've missed you and give you a kiss and a hug it makes it all worthwhile.

bigal-

92203 wrote: »

I'm not sure if you're trying to be patronizing, I'm 32 and want to make sure that before we bring a child into the world, we are able to offer it a good start in life.

Too many people have children without mapping out the consequences and practicalities of what is probably one of the most important tasks in the world ; raising a child!

My tuppence-worth is that life is too short to worry about such things - just do it.

If you never go for it, it's unlikely you'll look back in 40 years and think "I'm so proud that I managed to plan my life so efficiently".

If you do decide to go for it, in my humble opinion you will cut your cloth to suit and you will be surprised at how much more fulfilled life becomes when your little one is around. Obviously I don't know your finances, but from the very little I have seen I will be amazed if you cannot adjust...

Option 1:
c. £3700 salary + £81.20 child benefit
-£1k mortgage/house savings
-£200 holiday etc
- £1.5k bills
= £1081 leftover
- 22 days nursery @ est £45/day = £990/month
=> +£91

Option 2: OH gives up work & cut back on bills
c. £2200 salary + £81.20 child benefit
- £1k mortgage/house savings
- £200 holiday etc
- Cut bills by 33% to £1k
=> +£81.20

Whatever you decide, good luck!

[Deleted User]

the truth is as a mathmatical equation NOBODY can ever afford kids,when our first was born in the mid 80s my gross pay was £100 a week and our mortgage £200 a month,some how we managed,but it wasnt easy