Split parenting and money

Mojisola

Some separated parents who parent 50/50 or close to it agree to separate claims for the children - so she could claim CB for 2 and he could claim for 1.

That brings a bit more money into the (usually) Dad's household and makes things fairer.

Lara44

Congrats on your new baby! I think there's a lot you can do here by shopping wisely. I'm also preparing for a new arrival and money is tight as I am not working. We have got everything second hand apart from our pram and are making the most of hand-me-downs. Gumtree and ebay have been so helpful. They seem to grow out of everything so quickly that it gets really little wear. Much of the second hand stuff looks pristine, so it doesn't feel like a big compromise. Also all the usually things like join shop baby / parent clubs, get freebies such as Bounty and Emmas Diary, look out for high street 'baby events', pick up nappies and baby bits with your weekly shopping now. Maybe use reusable nappies and wipes?

With your step kids you could do various things to shop smart for the things you already buy: such as using supermarket loyalty points, sale items, second hand items (you can get them new with tags but unworn too), have a clear out and sell old toys to make room and raise money for new toys (car boot, Gumtree, Facebook), swap toys with other parents, attend a swap meet.

Maybe you could set a new household budget for your reduced income now to get used to managing, and try to save some too? Lots can also be saved by meal planning, using supermarket comparison sites. We also found local fruit and veg shops loads cheaper and eat more veggie meals now too. You could also try short dated food sellers such as Approved Foods although I find they are more for packet stuff.

All this is also very eco friendly which is what I tell myself when I am feeling mega tight

monty-doggy

Mojisola wrote: »

Some separated parents who parent 50/50 or close to it agree to separate claims for the children - so she could claim CB for 2 and he could claim for 1.

That brings a bit more money into the (usually) Dad's household and makes things fairer.

I know she won't go for that, she'd hit the roof! I understand from her point of view it's expensive bringing up 4 kids but she needs to learn to be better with her money, as do I.

We just won't be able to go above and beyond for a while.

monty-doggy

Lara44 wrote: »

Congrats on your new baby! I think there's a lot you can do here by shopping wisely. I'm also preparing for a new arrival and money is tight as I am not working. We have got everything second hand apart from our pram and are making the most of hand-me-downs. Gumtree and ebay have been so helpful. They seem to grow out of everything so quickly that it gets really little wear. Much of the second hand stuff looks pristine, so it doesn't feel like a big compromise. Also all the usually things like join shop baby / parent clubs, get freebies such as Bounty and Emmas Diary, look out for high street 'baby events', pick up nappies and baby bits with your weekly shopping now. Maybe use reusable nappies and wipes?

With your step kids you could do various things to shop smart for the things you already buy: such as using supermarket loyalty points, sale items, second hand items (you can get them new with tags but unworn too), have a clear out and sell old toys to make room and raise money for new toys (car boot, Gumtree, Facebook), swap toys with other parents, attend a swap meet.

Maybe you could set a new household budget for your reduced income now to get used to managing, and try to save some too? Lots can also be saved by meal planning, using supermarket comparison sites. We also found local fruit and veg shops loads cheaper and eat more veggie meals now too. You could also try short dated food sellers such as Approved Foods although I find they are more for packet stuff.

All this is also very eco friendly which is what I tell myself when I am feeling mega tight

Some great ideas there thank you we've not started buying baby stuff yet so I'll have a look at ebay and gumtree

Mojisola

monty-doggy wrote: »

I know she won't go for that, she'd hit the roof! I understand from her point of view it's expensive bringing up 4 kids but she needs to learn to be better with her money, as do I.

We just won't be able to go above and beyond for a while.

I would tell her that she's getting the CSA money and that's it.

There will obviously be extra expenses when the children are with you but she should be covering the regular expenses such as clubs and school uniforms from the CSA and child-related benefits.

monty-doggy

I've always bought new uniforms twice a year and school coats in sept, only because she never bothered and they always looked scruffy. But I'm hoping she will see reason and manage her money better, she used to be borderline alcoholic and out every weekend but now she has a new baby she is much better and so maybe she will be able to budget for these rather than blowing it on nights out.

emzi27

OP I bought practically everything my baby needs from Facebook groups. My auntie gave me £150 and I managed to get everything with that, Moses basket, buggy, travel cot, toys etc. I went to car boot sales and bought so many clothes there for so cheap. Definitely doesn't need to cost much. Congratulations!

monty-doggy

I'm going to sell all the junk in my loft at car boots so I can look out for baby thing when I'm there

FBaby

But I'm hoping she will see reason and manage her money better, she used to be borderline alcoholic and out every weekend but now she has a new baby she is much better and so maybe she will be able to budget for these rather than blowing it on nights out.

I certainly wouldn't count on this. Understandbly, she will not like that she will now to have to pay for things she didn't need to before. Unfortunately, don't expect her to look at it and think she should be grateful for the fact that her ex (and you) have supported the children financially above what was required (despite the fact that many parents do pay above the minimum amount).

Be prepared to having to deal with feelings you didn't have before. The fact that your baby will now always come first, and the fact that you might resent her for being able to be at home and receive so much tax credits when you have to be at work. It can become hard to let it get to you, but always remember that for the three children affected, things have no change except they are getting a baby brother or sister. They are innocent and will still require stability in their lives as muc has possible. Providing stability for their benefits often means having to deal with unfairness when it comes to money.

pinkshoes

CSA works both ways, so he's entitled to the same percentage of her salary , pro rata depending on how often he looks after them.

I'm guessing she doesn't have an official income though. ..

as childcare is almost 50/50 then they need to split the cost of clothes etc...