How do we get my alcoholic father into rehab, or what help is available to him?

krustylouise

arehab wrote: »

I'll try and keep this really short with only the main details:

My father is an mid 50s alcoholic, he has severe alcohol problems and has done for over a decade now. My parents separated years ago but remained in the same house due to financial problems. Last year my mother (and her children) left the house to live elsewhere because it was becoming impossible to remain in the same house as my father. Last year their house was put up for sale and a buyer was found, my father was very much against the sale (and said it would be sold "over his dead body") but eventually he agreed (while sober) that the sale was for the best, as the financial problems were forcing his family into poverty and had to rely on handouts from their only independent child (the family has been financially dependent on me for over a year).

My mother has tried to help him stop drinking before (around 2 years ago) with the help of his GP and he did manage to stop for a few days with the help of medication, however after going to one alcoholics anonymous meeting a few days later he started again and has been drinking even more since, it also escalated when his father died a few years ago. He buys hundreds of pounds of vodka every month.

He is being made redundant next month and this week he is off work to deal with moving him into his own flat, since finishing work last week he has been refusing to wash, he doesn't eat, he just wakes up and drinks and kicks and shouts until he falls asleep crying. Last night the police were called by a neighbor because the house alarm went off (we're not sure why as he lives alone right now) and he had slept through it.

We fear that he is not going to make it to the end of this year (either because of drinking or suicide -- he has threatened to kill himself and while I don't think he would, it's still a concern) if we do not get him help, which leads me to believe that the only hope we have of helping him is to get him into some sort of residential rehab facility that can give him the constant around the clock support he needs to get better.

How does rehab work? Will it work for someone like him, or does it only work for people that want to be helped? Any advice would be greatly appreciated, thank you. I have access to £10k which I think would pay for rehab but I'm not sure.

Forgive me as I haven't read any other replies and so could be echoing what others have said. I am the daughter of an alcoholic {my Mum} sadly she passed away at the young age of 49. She had been admitted to, from what I can remember, atleast 5/6 rehabs. They always worked for the short term, but, unfortunately, once my Mum was discharged it wasn't long until she reverted back to the ways she had become accustomed. The problem was that my Mum didn't actually want to stop. Of course, when she had a surge of motivation she would attempt to stop, she'd go through the correct courses, medication, counselling etc and then she would have a low day and use alcohol as her security blanket.

My Mum suffered seizures due to alcoholism, she barely ate, and just rotted into a sallow faced, skinny, frail woman. As hard as we tried, our actions were fruitless.

In my opinion, you should speak to your Dad's Dr, seek help through as many routes as you can, but this will purely be for your own piece of mind, to know that, at the end of the day, you tried your hardest to help your Dad, because unless HE truly wants to change and turn his life around, he won't.

I wish you all the luck in the world and hope for your sake that your Dad see's sense before it's too late x

**professor~yaffle**

Sorry you're going through this OP. To watch someone destroy themselves like that must be awful, but the bad news is that ReHab doesn't work The person has to want to stop drinking / taking drugs / whatever. There are far too many examples of people who check into (and out of) rehab, because others have told them to go.

System

You can lead a horse to water but you cant make it drink.

DigForVictory

OP, I'm very sorry for all you & your family are going through.
Others have said get him to a GP - which is sound advice.

I say buy a funeral plan & put the rest of that 10K towards holding the rest of your family together. Which is a heavy burden & not one you should have to carry, but you already know "fair" is not part of the equation of addiction.

He's made his decisions, and his threats. I'm afraid to say it's time to let him live or die by them, but how long does anyone expect you to hold everyone together?

It isn't that you don't care - you do, you're posting here for advice & the advice is mostly we can try to help *you*, but your father is his own man. When he looks for help, likely he'll find it, and likely it'll be amongst the last things he does.

So please, look after yourself. Defend that 10K not just from the addict but also those who don't know where to start without his paycheque. Your family may be well known to the Social Services, or have clung to you, or both - steer them towards sites like http://www.turn2us.org.uk/benefits_search.aspx

You've done all that can be reasonably asked, and more. His choices are not in your hands. It's time to help others make better choices.

pollypenny

This is so sad, but he has to want to do it.

Just sympathy, OP.

gwynlas

Contact GP and get him referred to Mental Health Team they can arrange for community or in patient detox and rehab but he will have to agree otherwise it is a waste of time. However once he is known to them they will follow up..
There is no point in you paying for private care as he requires longer term support than you can afford.
As others suggest maybe try All anon for family support

Primrose

I hate to disillusion you but very few alcoholics are successfully rehabilitated and unless your father genuinely wants to change his ways there is ,title hope for him. I!m not saying this to be negative but realistic having had somebkdymlikemthis in our own family. Save the £10K for better uses. Sad to say, it will probably just be wasted on him. You can try going with him to his GP or to AA but it already sounds as if he,s possibly gone too far to turn back and reform.

phill99

I will reiterate what others have said: it's up to him to want to change. I have a family member who is alcohol dependant and is now in what is classed as 'final stage alcoholism'. He's on a one way ticket and will be lucky to survive the year. By all accounts, removal of alcohol will have as much a deteriorating affect as remaining on it.

He had been thrown many, many lifelines by family and friends over the years and has snubbed everyone. Not once has he actually admitted he wants help.

All the time they refuse help or fail to seek change, as he set wrenching as it is, there is nothing you or any one else can do.

Trixsie1989

Op my mother was an alcoholic and drank herself into the grave so I know what you are going thru. We tried everything to help but she didn't want it and even when admitted into hospital for the last 3 months of her life due to liver failure and severe stomach ulcers she still continued to drink. I feel for you but as everyone has said there is nothing you can do, or worth you doing, until he wants to change. Pm me if you want to talk anytime xxx

growler834

I can only agree with others - your dad has to wake up one morning wanting to change otherwise no amount of rehabilitation will work.
A close family member had the same problem & it took a spell in hospital having 'lost' 5 days of his life to scare him into doing something about it. Fortunately he had some money left from his pension payout to check himself into a private clinic but the first time he went to the 'interview' the counsellor told him to go away until he REALLY wanted help. A week later he went again - did the rehab for a month - and he hasn't had a drink now for almost 20 years. So it does work for those who are committed to turning their life around, however only a small percentage manage to keep up the commitment.

It's hard to watch a loved one destroying themselves but they are also destroying those around them & it's not your fault. Keep your money in your pocket & get help from Al Anon who will tell you the same as everyone else on here has said. Help your family live their lives again - your dad will sort his own life out if he truly wants to.