How soon is too soon? Engagement

can_it_be_different

Hi, need a little bit of input.How soon is too soon to get engaged? I have been seeing GF for 6 months, living together for 3 months. Is it to soon to think about getting married, or more correctly proposing to her. We are mid to late 20s - she a couple of years older than me.We have talked about marriage and kids and it is clear to me that she wants both - she would certainly not speak about it so much if she didn't.
I suppose there are practicalities like she has about £5k of debt but I love this girl to bits and it is not a major issue for me. She even cut up her store cards for me and was perfectly open about her debt when I asked her and has taken measures to help in her finances.Do you think I am daft to want to propose?

RadoJo

It depends whether you want to get married really!! OH and I have just got engaged after 7 years together, but we have always discussed that we wouldn't want a long engagement, and there will be only a year for organising it and we'll be wed! If you don't intend to get married for a while either way, then I don't see the need to rush the engagement, but if you both like the idea of a long engagement, then it might be just what you want.

You could always ask her what she wants - you don't have to come right out and ask bluntly, but I think making sure that your long terms plans coincide would be a good starting place!

can_it_be_different

I want to get married, I am almost certain that she does. As for timescales she has even suggested a date - next year. My sis is getting married in 2009 so don't know how much influence this played in her suggesting before then. But a year sounds good and neither of us wants a big wedding either.

findingmyownway

can_it_be_different wrote: »

I want to get married, I am almost certain that she does. As for timescales she has even suggested a date - next year. My sis is getting married in 2009 so don't know how much influence this played in her suggesting before then. But a year sounds good and neither of us wants a big wedding either.

beware upstaging her sister if thats been planned for a while! might cause some family issues.

but then again, if thats what your gf wants then its your choice.

i say go for it :beer:

can_it_be_different

it is actually my sister that is getting married, her sister is due to be married later this month.

RadoJo

Well, if she is at the point of setting a date you had better make sure you ask her before then!! Seriously though, if you are sure (and not just feeling the pressure because talk of weddings is in the air and your sister is taking the plunge) and it feels right then do it! People can give you advice, and tell you that you haven't been together long enough, but at the end of the day, you are the only ones who know whether it is what you really want.

To put it into perspective, my next door neighbours got engaged on the 11th day of knowing each other and celebrated their 25th wedding anniversary this year - I am sure there are those who thought it was a terrible idea and would never last, but they didn't let it stop them and have been proved right in the end. I knew within 3 months that I would marry my OH, and would ahve done there and then had we not both been at uni etc. The reason we have waited is so that we can have the wedding we want, not because anything has changed over the intervening 7 years, and we are now about the same age as you two!

Jennie_2

Funny, we were talking to our children about this yesterday.

I met my husband at the beginning of the week. He moved in at the end of the week. We got married after 5 months and have been together for 15 years now. Best decision we ever made - we have always been really happy together and have worked as a team to deal with life's challenges.

None of us know what is round the corner - seize your opportunity while you can.

Good luck to you both - I hope you'll be very happy together.

sleepymy

Personally I would suggest that you both wait until you have paid some of the debt of (if not all) so you can start married life with a clean slate. Debt at the start of a marriage can ruin it for both involved.

You could forgo an engagement ring and put what you would have spent towards the debt. You could also plan a date now with realistic timescale to pay off some of the debt and save something towards the wedding. Don't get sucked into the whole 'big expensive day'. We had a very low cost church wedding with parents and a couple of close friends (13 including the minister and his wife) and a family party in the evening. If you leave enough time to plan a wedding you can cut many of the costs by doing things yourself i.e. invitations and flowers (I made my own bouquet too). Get a 2nd/3rd year photography degree student to do the photos and book a test drive in a nice car for the day and get a mate to drive.

Anyhow I digress if you really feel you know each other well enough to spend the rest of your lives together I don't think it's too soon, I would worry more about the debt atm. Good luck with whatever you decide

hev_2

We got engaged after 12 days of dating (not twelve dates, twelve days). That is, we agreed that we wanted to marry. We held off announcing for six months and got married three years after.

Our souls touched.

I got a £12.50 engagement ring that I would never part with, because we were both broke, and our 17th wedding anniversary is coming up.

I won't say that we haven't had some storms along the way, but in the service it does say for better or worse.

I would suggest keep finances separate but get engaged. Allow a bit of time to make sure that you are doing the right thing. Talk about money, but everything else as well.

I feel that arguments over money cause more problems than adultery, but that is my opinion.

You only have one life. If you meet your soulmate, then go for it, but do make sure that it is your soulmate.

Good luck.

Hev

Curious_George_2

im not saying you havent been together long enough (i knew from the first week that me and my OH would be together forever... marriage babies the lot) but have you only known her for 6 months? arent you still technically in the "honeymoon" period? where everything is fantastic... and that cute little laugh is still cute, not something that makes you want to pull your own arm off just so you have something to throw at her?

basically i think it boils down to two things

1, if your asking us, it means you have probably thought the same thing yourself... even if it was only subconciously, if you didnt think it was a bit soon really, then you wouldnt be asking anyones opinions, let alone us bunch of lunatics!

2, I know its exciting, but whats the rush? your going to be together in a few years time yes? do it then!
if she cant wait... then there has to be a reason and its probably not going to be a strong basis for a marriage

having said all that, your going to do what your going to do,
so good luck and have fun

victoriajayne1987

me and my OH decided very early on that we would spend the rest of our lives together, but are waiting until the right time, where we r financially and physically ready. theres nothing wrong with a long engagement, so have a word with her about it. i know quick relationships do often work out, but id say its best to experience every day of the year with a person before u can totally decide! theres no rush, ur still young, so enjoy wat u have and make a joint decision about moving forward. the best advice ull hear is ur own, because only u know the situation