Different lifestyles: any way out?

MarcusAurelius

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

I find it hard to believe this post is real. :cool: A lot of couples don't have shared interests, why on earth would you think that it's the end of the road?

Tbh, if you're considering counselling, then I think there is a lot more wrong with your relationship than not having shared interests....

Yeah, go on, pop a couple of kids out, why not!

What glue keeps such relationships together?

You must agree that both parties must be clearly aware of the contribution made by the other partner towards D's the relationship. It's sometimes difficult to see what that contribution is.

Georgiegirl256

MarcusAurelius wrote: »

What glue keeps such relationships together?

I usually find a pritt stick works quite well!

marisco_2

MarcusAurelius wrote: »

What's wrong with having kids?

I know a few couples who were on the verge of splitting, then had kids and seem to be doing well now.

I'd say those couples are the lucky exception rather than the norm. Not many sensible people would even contemplate trying for a baby with someone, if they didn't have lifetime commitment to each other in mind. The demands of caring for a new born baby are enough to put even the strongest and most secure relationships to the ultimate test. That is just the start of all the fun of parenthood, and the restrictions that are put on your lives.

From what I have taken from your posts your relationship is foundering to the degree, where you are struggling to find enough common ground with your partner to see much of a future with them. I apologise if I have got this wrong, but it comes across to me that you are clutching at straws, in a last ditch attempt to pull your relationship back from the brink. No situation in which to bring a child into the equation.

It is fine to have some different interests from a partner, quite healthy in fact. Retaining a level of independence in a relationship should be encouraged. To reach a stage though where the person you share your life with, is becoming more and more of a stranger to you and who you struggle to find any connection to is something else. How is communication between you both? Do you make time to sit down and chat to take an interest in each other any more? Do you two share the same morals and values? Do you have similar life goals? What attracted you to each other in the first place? Is there any chance of rekindling that?

Gloomendoom

I've often wondered how and why couples who say they have nothing in common and share no interests get together in the first place.

Surely they must share something... even if it's fancying the !!!!!! off each other.

paulineb_2

It wouldnt matter to me if a partner didnt share the same interests as me. Im into sport but if someone I was seeing wasnt, it would be no big deal.

People are individuals, you dont have to have things in common to be with someone.

Hermia

I think you may have come up with one of those worse reasons for having a kid! :rotfl:

I don't think having different interests is a problem as long as you have a few things in common. I think it's nice to both do something separate and then meet up for lunch or dinner afterwards. It can be nice sharing your experiences.

Your description of him not having hobbies or interests would put me off though. I get bored by people like that.

ViolaLass

I wonder if those couples you've seen who get on better after having kids were having difficulties because one of them wouldn't agree to do it. They change their mind, couple has baby (having now agreed to it) and voila, everyone is happy.

That's a bit different to having a baby 'to make things better'.

MarcusAurelius

ViolaLass wrote: »

I wonder if those couples you've seen who get on better after having kids were having difficulties because one of them wouldn't agree to do it. They change their mind, couple has baby (having now agreed to it) and voila, everyone is happy.

That's a bit different to having a baby 'to make things better'.

I think they've realised kids require a much stronger commitment, and they have to pull themselves together to pull it through. Which they did/doing well.

Call me a troll, whatever. I stay good friends with both couples. It's good they haven't split.

Mankysteve

thorsoak wrote: »

No normal thinking people would think of concieving a child as a sticking plaster to a foundering relationship.

Sadly i think this happens a lot, in fact i would say its quite common. Just thats lots dont relises that why they are doing it.

paulineb_2

If you have to consider having kids to save an ailing relationship then what happens if it doesn't work?

Kids aren't a sticking plaster to keep a relationship together.

Counselling first before you consider the kids. Or end your relationship and find someone else who suits you better.