Husband Wants to Invest Money In Business for Son

tesuhoha

Hi

My son is 25 and has never had a proper job in his life. He did badly at school even though we spent money on private education. In his teens he went to college twice but dropped out each time. Then after that he tried out my husband's trade which also didn't work out. For the rest of his teens he was supposed to be looking for a job but never managed to get one. Turns out he didn't really want one. He was very immature for his age. Now as he has got older he does want a job but no matter how many interviews he goes to no one will give him a chance. We have been paying for driving lessons for him because it is a life skill which will make him more employable.

He is no longer signing on because he was honest with the job centre about doing voluntary work (he was doing it because he was advised it would improve his job prospects) and they stopped his jsa completely because they said he was working and earning money. (He wasn't, not a penny). They also said he was doing too many voluntary hours to be able to actively seek work. So as what they said was conflicting I don't know the reason but they stopped his money. Now he gets by on earning £10 here and there with which he buys tobacco but he can no longer give me any keep money. Because of all this with the job centre he has also stopped doing the voluntary work which he enjoyed and now lies in bed most of the day. I have asked him to sign on again but he does not want to because he has had so many problems with them sanctioning him etc. He is trying to set up business ideas but he hasn't thought of anything really original and the things he is doing are not enough to make a living or even make as much as jsa. Maybe it is his fault but it seems like he has no hope for the future.

My husband has just told me that he has thought up a business plan to help him. It is something very new and he says it is just a short window of opportunity to make money before it takes off and then everyone will have it. This project will need an investment of £5,000. He thinks it will be the making of our son and will give him something to live for.

Our financial situation is that we have no debt and the mortgage is paid off apart from a car finance deal where we pay each month and at the end of the term we pay off a lump sum of £3,000. We have savings of approximately £5,500 plus another £2,200 saved up towards paying off the car at the end of the loan term. Our savings have not really been going up because we are renovating our house and every month or so we are paying out money i.e. £1,000 this month for wooden flooring, next month we want to buy a work surface for the kitchen.

£3,200 of that money is earmarked for a loan for my daughter which she really needs and is going to get. She will pay it back. I have lent her money before a couple of times before and she always pays it back because she hates debt.

So I said to my husband that we cannot afford this investment and he said that we can borrow it, that he would give anything to help our son and that no one else will give him a chance in life. He thinks its a sure fire thing this project and will make money.

I can appreciate this sentiment and I know how to take out a 0% credit card and pay it back but I am so reluctant to do so. I can remember how it feels to be in debt and I hated it.It was awful. I used to lie awake at night tensed up trying to figure out ways to pay off what we owed. In 2008 when the housing industry collapsed we almost lost the house. We used to be quite badly in debt with a mortgage too and I have managed to scrimp and scrape to be debtfree. After it was all paid off I said never again and things like if we don't have the money in future then whatever it is we cant have it. The car was his idea as we only had an old banger but I don't mind that so much as its 0% and I have been saving the money to pay it off.

However, also in the past he has had lots of bright money making ideas which I have quashed because I didn't want to borrow money. I think I am at risk of appearing very mean and selfish.

The only thing I can think of is to say we will use the remainder of our savings including the car money to finance this thing and then if we have to borrow a much smaller amount then we will have to. However, I would stipulate that no money would be spent on the house until all the debt has been paid off. I don't mind having no money so much as being in debt. However, the house is a nightmare and I hate it as it is so that would be a huge sacrifice.

I would add that if the business failed we would have something to sell at the end of it.

What do you think? Should we give him this opportunity? Please don't quote this post when replying as I might need to delete it. Many thanks.

Alikay

No. You've given your son plenty of opportunities and he's not been successful yet. What's different this time? Has his need to work changed: i.e. is he hungry, homeless, has a child or partner to support or are you still keeping that roof over his head and food in his belly? Is he any more more mature? More focussed?

At 25 and having had the benefit of private education, a couple of stabs at going to college, a go at working in the family business and free bed-and-board with his parents I think it's now time he stood on his own two feet.

Lokolo

Your OH has come up with a business plan that he wants your lazy DS to implement with £5k you are giving him?

Is that right?

themull1

I wouldnt, it would be throwing your money away, your son is old enough and daft enough to stand on his own two feet. Its not a case of no one giving him a chance, your son won't even sign on!! Tell him to get up, sign on and start doing voluntary work again, if i had that attitude my parents would have disowned me. And he's even lucky enough to have a Dad that he could have learned a trade from and turned it down because he was too lazy.

If your husband wants to help him out, make sure he gets the debt in his own name, don't you get into any debt. Its doomed to fail.

paulineb_2

No. Get him to go and sign on again. And get him to look around and see what he could do to make himself more employable.

I had a relative who was unemployed for quite some time after graduating. He had worked for a while in the civil service but that came to an end. He was actually offered a couple of jobs with the civil service but was successful at interview, but there wouldn't be a job for a year, in the meantime he went and trained as a gym instructor, that cost about £300 as he got part funding for it. He then worked towards becoming a personal trainer, put that on his credit card but managed to find work in a gym, put the PT course on hold for a year and then finished it while he was in work.

Sport might not be your sons thing, but there could be something that he might be interested in course wise that wouldn't cost the earth and that he doesn't need qualifications such as a degree to do.

Sometimes it takes people a while to work out what they want to do job wise, I changed career 4 years ago and Im self employed now. He could look into self employment, however something that requires an investment of 5 grand to get him started and would put you and your husband into debt to pay for it, no way

How would you feel if it all went belly up? He has to make some effort. Thats the bottom line.

HPoirot

How is a gift of £5,000 going to motivate your son when everything else has failed? He would need to get off his b*ckside and actually do something before I invested any money on him I'm afraid.

GobbledyGook

I think it's only something to consider if you are happy to write of the 5k.

Does your husband think the business is somehow going to change your son's entire attitude?

Tbh I think you need to stop 'asking' him to sign on again and start being tough with him. Why would he bother with anything else if he can live in a nice, warm house rent free and never go hungry?

If you are sure it's laziness then I think you need to take the gloves of and get tough on him.

Only you and your husband can decide if that getting tough is 'get up off your backside and sign on' or 'here's a start. This is the last chance we're giving you and you better make it work'.

troubleinparadise

I suspect you're already spending quite a lot of money on your son in terms of household expenses, without adding in a further £5000.

I'd be reluctant to fund a business venture where the person doing it was required to have enthusiasm, self-motivation, ambition, and staying-power and then put in the driving-seat someone who has none of those skills demonstrated over the last 7 years.

I've a friend who invested a larger amount in similar circumstances, and who has basically lost that money. The fallout has been dreadful over two years in terms of stress, family arguments and her needing to do two jobs to cover the lost money (which is being paid back at a paltry amount each month, it'll take years to get it back if ever).

Avoid! :eek:

HPoirot

Also, why was he so quick to write off experiences in his teens? If your husband thinks he needs to set your son up for life then the best and most constructive thing to do is to pull him up and get him engaged in his trade. There is nothing like a father mentoring a son in their trade. Just throwing £5,000 on some new fangled concept won't cut it if he has been writing off every work experience IMO.

Mojisola

I doubt you had the full story from him about why his JSA was stopped. Since he stopped volunteering, he hasn't got any reason not to sign on again.

He can earn enough to buy his ciggies but not enough to pay for the food he is eating?

Rather than handing him money, he needs a serious dose of tough love. If he's not able to contribute money to the household, he can do jobs. If he can't stick at doing a goodly amount of house and garden work, he can leave home and stand on his own two feet - set a date and be prepared to stick to it.

You and your OH are enabling him to live the lazy life he has chosen.

Caroline_a

This sounds like something that your husband wants to do - no sign of any enthusiasm from the son! To run a business, above all you need passion, and without that failure is pretty certain!

Your husband sounds like he is trying desperate measures for this. Why does he not set the business up in his own name, and employ your son. Then if he is lazy or doesnt work then he can sack him - and employ someone else. It would also give your son employment experience without the pressure of 'having' to make money.