Struggling with life.

nat21luv

Thank you all so much, you've made me smile today.


I received a call today from my tutor asking how I was. She knows a little of what has happened and as I have fallen so far behind, we have agreed that I should defer until a new group start in April. That gives me a good amount of time to sort myself out, clear out the house and my mind, and start again. Feel good about our decision, just hoping the college agree as I have to appeal in writing. At least I will be ahead of the class before it even starts!


I agree, grandparents have no rights but these ones have already made an appeal to the court. I don't know if they will be able to take it further, I haven't heard anything as of yet. I believe they were waiting for SS to publish the report as the SW made it clear that he would be recommending that the grandparents get more time with my boy. Im not sure how he justifies that as I then suffer greatly. Im dreading the postman over the next few weeks! My solicitor has warned me how much it would cost to go to court and it will cripple me. That is not something I am willing to let them do so I would represent myself, it will be so hard but google is my friend and Ill manage.


Im not far from you PlymouthMaid so you can imagine how bad the schools are!


I haven't spoken to friends because most don't understand. They don't have children and when I tell them what the problem is, they make out that I am causing the issue and that I should roll over and let them walk all over me. I would prefer not to hear it so keep a wide birth from them.


I suppose moving nearer my mum makes me feel like there is someone on my side, even if she isn't. She knows what is happening but shes just interested in starting a slanging match with my ex MIL. And that isn't going to help one bit. I know in my heart I should stay where I am but I cant tell you how much my head is telling me to run.


I cant thank you guys enough for your responses, they've really helped me out today, so thank you all xxx

Ms_Chocaholic

Glad you've been able to smile today.

Just to clear up a few points. Social Services are obliged to act on any information provided to them. When you were on holiday and they began to be involved, they wouldn't have needed your consent to speak to your son but would have sought that consent from his father.

Take comfort from the fact that they have closed the case though, which means they have no concerns. If they did have, they wouldn't have closed it.

I'm not sure what you mean by SS publishing a report. If the case has closed they won't be doing any more report writing, they can't, that's the end of the matter. All the reports they did or wanted to do will have been completed before they closed the case.

Also, the issue of grandparents contact with your son is a private law matter, nothing at all to do with Social Services. Social Services may have written in their report something like "it would be of benefit to XXXX to have more contact with his grandparents" but that isn't a recommendation and I don't believe that Social Services would recommend anything.

I hope this is of some help, please PM me if you need any more information as I may not be back to this thread for a while.

Horace

Didn't want to read and run - sending some hugs to you.

Certainly appeal to the college about the deferment and explain why.

You ex and his family sound like spiteful so and so's. Remember you have custody and your son visits his dad and grandparents from time to time. Their way of getting at you is through him and all these false reports from them to the police, social services and the DWP is because they are cowards. There is no need to fear knocks on the door because all cases are closed because you are a brilliant mum and all it has done is shown up those that made the reports as small-minded, spiteful individuals.

Go and see your GP as the tablets should have started working by now. Depression makes you paranoid which makes you self doubt all the time which makes you depressed - so you feel like a hamster on a wheel that you can't stop. It does get better - I have been depressed myself so I know the crazy thoughts and feelings you get.

You need to widen your circle of friends too and there is a group out there called Gingerbread which offers support for single parents plus it gives your children an opportunity to meet new people. Hopefully, you won't feel so isolated - remember friends stick by each other through thick and thin, your's sound like fairweather friends only there when it suits them to be - you can do without people like that in your life.

You have a lot to be proud of too - so don't forget that.

couponqueen123

court cost a fortune but there are charitys that will help you look them up , or get a Mackenzie friend

can u get legal aid?

harrys_dad

You may find that your GP will assist in an appeal to the College, at least by writing a letter.

nat21luv

Thank you all so much for your replies. They have helped me feel better than I have in quite some time.


UPDATE: I have had time to do some soul searching. Ive had a chat with my tutor and she recommended that I resit the year, starting in April. Im ok with this, it gives me time to get my head sorted and it feel right, im just waiting on approval from the college. If I do resit then Ive already passed 2 modules so I can ease myself back in gently


I have also even applied for a few jobs, anything to get me feeling normal again. I visited my doc and he told me to hang in there a while longer witht he meds as they can take up to 8 weeks to kick in.


I have however, had some bad news that is bringing the clouds back into view; I received a letter from the fathers solicitor with an application to court order attached regarding contact. It says I have to attend court April 28th. I cant afford legal representation so I will have to do this myself as Im not sure there are funds available to me. First I need to know exactly what this court order means.
We had mediation to discuss contact arranged by SS and we came to the agreement that he would see him every Saturday and have half of all school holidays. He came to that meeting wanting whole weekends every week, a weekday every week and half of all school holidays. He obviously wasn't happy with the compromise as he is demanding this at court.


My mind is becoming muggy again and I need to know what this whole court process means before my mind goes completely.

BitterAndTwisted

Since you had the mediation and agreed on the contact arrangements have these been kept to? If this is the case, then I reckon the father is going to need to prove to the court that it's in the child's best interests to change them for more frequent contact.

My own feeling is that if he think he can have your child for all the times he wanted before mediation then he'd be able to cut most if not all of the child-support he pays for.

Your own position should be that he wanted more contact, it was agreed through mediation that he gets what you both agreed, it's been kept to and it is not necessarily in the child's interests to change this now that he's got used to the routine. All of this might flush out quite why all of those different agencies have been contacted with allegations about your parenting.

pmlindyloo

nat21luv wrote: »

Thank you all so much for your replies. They have helped me feel better than I have in quite some time.


UPDATE: I have had time to do some soul searching. Ive had a chat with my tutor and she recommended that I resit the year, starting in April. Im ok with this, it gives me time to get my head sorted and it feel right, im just waiting on approval from the college. If I do resit then Ive already passed 2 modules so I can ease myself back in gently


I have also even applied for a few jobs, anything to get me feeling normal again. I visited my doc and he told me to hang in there a while longer witht he meds as they can take up to 8 weeks to kick in.


I have however, had some bad news that is bringing the clouds back into view; I received a letter from the fathers solicitor with an application to court order attached regarding contact. It says I have to attend court April 28th. I cant afford legal representation so I will have to do this myself as Im not sure there are funds available to me. First I need to know exactly what this court order means.
We had mediation to discuss contact arranged by SS and we came to the agreement that he would see him every Saturday and have half of all school holidays. He came to that meeting wanting whole weekends every week, a weekday every week and half of all school holidays. He obviously wasn't happy with the compromise as he is demanding this at court.


My mind is becoming muggy again and I need to know what this whole court process means before my mind goes completely.

Contact these people:

http://www.childrenslegalcentre.com/index.php?page=home

Hopefully they will be able to help.

Caroline_a

I have however, had some bad news that is bringing the clouds back into view; I received a letter from the fathers solicitor with an application to court order attached regarding contact.

You've had this from your ex's solicitor - not from the court?? It should come from the court not from him!

If it has come from the court, don't worry about not having legal representation there - I represented myself, and the judge was very kind and sympathetic to me!

fannyanna

Sounds like a really, really horrible time. I'm not surprised you feel so anxious.

My view on moving is to stay put.

If you move (away from your ex and his family) that is likely to add fuel to the fire. I wouldn't normally suggest that you have such consideration for them but they are doing quite well at making your life hell and I imagine the situation would escalate if you moved. You do not need any more stress to try and deal with. Especially if you're not going to have support from your family (your Mum) if you do make the move. In fact I imagine it would be very painful to have no support from your Mum when you need it. And even more so if you've made a move closer to her.

Just seen your update: I don't have experience with family issues and the courts but I am aware that a lot of people represent themselves at court. Please don't feel too overwhelmed that you can not afford legal representation. I'm sure you'll find many helpful resources on the internet to assist you.