Reallife MMD: Should I send wedding invites to family members who can't come?

Torry_Quine

pippinpuss wrote: »

You say invites were sent out 6 weeks ahead of time. My hotel wanted final numbers by this date. 6 weeks is awfully short notice for a wedding invite. Our invites were sent out 3 months before the date as we both came from large families.

That's the traditional time to send out invites though and I really don't see why a hotel needs to know numbers so early. I can only think of one time when I got an invite months in advance and had to look twice at it as it was so far way.

jazimews

tain wrote: »

- How much extra is it really going to cost? An extra £50 on top of a £20,000 wedding is hardly nominal in the grand scheme of things, and you've already budgeted for them I'd guess.


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Nowhere does is say they are spending £20,000 on their wedding! They say money is tight so we can probably assume from this that they are not spending a fortune!

Why do other people always want to have their say in who to invite to a wedding???

I am getting married in April and have had enough of people saying to me and my partner "don't forget my invite" and sending us messages on facebook "I hear you are getting married, where's my invite" !!!! !!!!!! it is OUR wedding and on-one elses! It's bad enough that we both have a large number of bothers and sisters who all expect to be invited with their other halves - that alone runs to almost 40 people! It is second time around for both of us so they've already been to one wedding each! (It was bad enough then being forced to invite distant relatives I hadnt even seen - it won't happen again!)
We are on an extremely tight budget - we are having a registry office ceremony, I am wearing a evening dress that I have worn to a number of parties as I cannot afford to pay for an extortionately overpriced wedding dress and matching shoes etc that I will wear once! I have a lovely dress to wear and already have all the matching accessories - why would I waste money on a dress to wear once! I know I will feel special on my wedding day as I always feel special when I wear that dress.
We are saving money further by having a get together after the ceremony at our home - another reason for keeping numbers as low as possible.
We still haven't sent out any invites due to all these busybodies poking their nose in and requesting invites! So rude of them!
When we do get round to sending them, we will not be asking for presents - we don't expect them. The invites will be homemade to save even further.
It is so very sad that the wedding industry is so greedy! If you call a caterer or try to book a function room etc and say you are having a party they give you one price, you say its for a wedding and they quote you double! They all think that you will spend it. Well not us.
Anyway, in my opinion tell Mother to bat out! If she wants to pay for everything then fine, but I guess this is not the case. It is your wedding, invite who you want to.

POPPYOSCAR

I think it is a nice gesture to send an invite even if you do know that they will not be attending.

We were sent an invite to a wedding abroad even though we told them before hand we could not go.

If nothing else it told us of the actual wedding date so we were able to send a card and present in good time.

Augustus_the_Strong

As others have said, elderly people like to get an invite even if they wouldn't be able to come. And a piece of the wedding cake afterwards. These are pretty cheap to do in the whole scheme of things, so why not keep people happy? Get your mother to do all the leg-work though.

Incidentally, how much notice do people really need to be able to attend a wedding? If it was this weekend, that might be a problem, but in a month or so? Are people really so busy/inflexible?

bluecanoe

I will be abroad in the summer and may not be able to attend my nephew's wedding, BUT I may still win the lottery and be able to afford the extra airfare, outfits, hotel bills etc. so I appreciate the invite and being included in the celebration. (Regardless of whether I go or not I wouldn't dream of not buying a present)

Mojisola

If you do send invites to people you don't think will come, be prepared for them to surprise you and accept!

Hippipal

The invites are the cheap bit of a wedding! Make them yourself and you won't need to worry about how much they cost.
Who is paying for the wedding? If it is your parents then they should have a say in who is invited. If it is you then you decide, but remember that the wedding is a day, the marriage should be for a lifetime and it is not worth alienating everybody in your family to prove a point.
It is lovely to be invited even if you can't make the wedding.

Seakay

florere wrote: »

How about sending them a hand written letter saying that you are sorry they can't come but if things change they are welcome to do so. I expect your mum thinks a proper invite would be a nice thing for them to put on the mantlepiece

also agree that this is an ideal solution. People know they haven't been forgotten or ignored but also know that when they said they couldn't come they have been listened to and no one is offended by their decision.

oldtrout

Ha ha ha ..Love the responses to the original post ..

Would love to hear what the OP has to say in response to the question ...

seagull104

I come from a large family. We have over 35 nephews and neices each with several children. I have never met most of them as they are all over the world. Sometimes we are invited to "unknown" weddings. We never attend as we are of the opinion that the expectation is a present, not a presence. We thank them politely for the invitation. And that's all. Are we tight??