Reallife MMD: Should I send wedding invites to family members who can't come?

Former_MSE_Debs

Money Moral Dilemma: Should I send wedding invites to family members who can't come?

We're getting married this year, but haven't sent the invitations yet. A few of my relatives say they can't come at such short notice, but my mum insists I still send them invitations. This means doubling the number of invites, and money's tight. The last thing I want is to upset people, but it feels a waste.


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scarlet55

Why would you send out invites to people who've already told you they won't be coming?
A complete waste of money and I'd assume the recipients would be surprised to receive them too seeing as how they've already told you.

Torry_Quine

When I married invitations were sent to overseas relatives although I obviously didn't expect them to come all that way but thought it nice to include them. They didn't know the date already though and the invites were sent out the traditional six weeks ahead. My future MIL was horrified as she thought I was only doing it to get presents which was never the intention at all.

I have also received an invitation to a wedding many miles away and was pleased to be asked although I was never going to go.

NRTurner

If you know they definitely won't be able to make it, don't send them an invite. No point in wasting money like that.

If they want to buy you a gift, then they will ask you for the details.

al223

I had a budget wedding where we just invited our friends and family via facebook. If they've already said they can't come maybe you could do something similar, just let them know they're welcome to come but that you've missed them off the invite list as they'd already said they couldn't make it.

florere

How about sending them a hand written letter saying that you are sorry they can't come but if things change they are welcome to do so. I expect your mum thinks a proper invite would be a nice thing for them to put on the mantlepiece

Egypt191

What about making your own invites for those that you know can't make it. They can be made quite cheaply on a budget, but look great.

scotsbob

If they have told you they can't come then why send an invite? it doesn't make sense.
That aside, it's your wedding not your mother's so what she wants doesn't come into it.

Sazzie23

florere wrote: »

How about sending them a hand written letter saying that you are sorry they can't come but if things change they are welcome to do so. I expect your mum thinks a proper invite would be a nice thing for them to put on the mantlepiece

Sounds like a good plan to me, includes them without pressuring them, would seem a bit mean to invite them if they said they couldn't come already.

Have a lovely wedding

scoobydoobydoo

No. Potentially very expensive!

They could receive the invites and than juggle things so that they could on the basis that if you invited them it must be important to you that they attend.

Tell your mum that yes, you will invite the B list but that she must cover the cost of a) the extra invitations and b) their meals/drinks etc if they then decide to attend. If she will then fine, (as long as you trust her to actually pay up) and if she wont then dont invite them!

scoobydoobydoo

Or tell your mum no on the basis that your numbers are limited by the venue so you cant risk anyone changing their mind!

I know it is a lie but frankly with weddings some people get a bit mad. When ex and I got married my MIL2B insisted we invited a list of distant relatives as long as your arm. Ex hadnt met half of them but she was insisting. Then one of the relatives (her great neice I think) got married and she, FIL2B, ex etc were not invited. That was it then, she struck them all off her list and when we refused to invite the remainder she didnt say a word