Reallife MMD: Should I send wedding invites to family members who can't come?

JeremyCH

Tricky: I note that it is your mum saying they can't come at such short notice, but have you checked. For many people, especially relatives and friends, the fact of the invitation is as importnat as the actual event and great offence can be caused no matter how sensible the approcah if an invitation is not sent out.

Part of the question is how many are we atlking about here? If the money really is that tight why not etlephone each person have a nice chat and tell them that you're haveing a ring-round to see who can coem as you are on a tight budget and can only afford to send out invites to those who will come and I suspect that you will find most people very understanding.

Just think how you would feel at a perceived slight from, say, a good friend or close family memeber

meknowalot-51

It's not you that's upsetting other people,i think it's the other way round.Of course your mums going to want to help,but has no right to insist.Firstly you speak to the people who have said they can't come at such short notice,confirm and explain it all with them.Why send invites to people who have told you there not going to be there?....sounds stupid.Then you send out the invites that are on YOUR list.You seem to be getting lots of advice and wanting to keep everyone happy,bottom line is it's your day and you are going to make the final decision that YOUR happy with.Best wishes,have a nice wedding and life.

pollypenny

This year is 'short notice'?

This month or next month would be short notice, surely.

As for the invitations, depends who is paying.

tallgirld

If your mum is insisting that you send them invites then send them invites. Just ask your mum to pay for them.

I can see your mum's point though. I would invite them even if I knew they were not able to make it.

Telford_chic

If money is tight but your Mum insists you invite people who you know will not attend, send them a letter instead. Just put you would have loved them to join you on your big day but understand they can't and tell them if they change their minds to let you know. That should keep everyone happy.

J_B

pennypinchUK wrote: »

Why do too many mothers stick their noses in, rather than leave the happy couple to run their day the way they want to?

Maybe because the bride's parents are paying????

bylromarha

Yes - a little thought goes a long way.

And some elderly relatives can be put out for years by something like this. Whilst I do agree it's their problem if they're put out, if you're potentially causing a family feud for the sake of a couple of quid, just send it.

I was on a budget too, MIL to be said we had to send about 10 invites to elderly relatives across the country who said they wouldn't come. I was looking at me and my needs and wants, my wedding, and dug my heels in with OH. Why should I spend MY money inviting people who had already said they weren't coming?

He said they were his relatives, he was inviting them as they'd enjoy the invite and we knew they weren't coming. He was willing to spend £30 on doing so. So glad he did.

Now that I'm older and not the bride, I can see how much they enjoyed the invite, and how it gave them pleasure to be considered and included, even though they weren't coming.

And, now knowing OHs family, I've seen how petty the elderly ones can be over things and how MIL has had to juggle tentative relationships between aunts and cousins and long lost brothers. Glad our invitation decision didn't add to MILs woes.

JuceLuce

No!!

That is crazy to send out invites to people who have told you they can't come - that is like you are insulting them or rubbing it in their faces that they can't attend. One of my closest friends invited me to her wedding when I had already booked to go away and so I already knew I couldn't make it. If she then sent me an invitation I would think she was trying to make a point and it would make me feel even more guilty! or that she had lost her memory

alggomas

This is about not having enough money to send to people who cannot or may not come.
The " it is my/our wedding" . Well it is supposed to be a family affair. Otherwise why invite people. I am sure you will find money for a few beers?
I agree with most people who say that it is still nice to get an invite. Again do you expect a present?
It is good manners to send everyone an invite.

sharnad

Its crazy to send out invites to people who say they cant come. If you do you have to keep money aside in case they change their mi nd you also have ro keep space att venue. Send a nice letter. Sayimg sorry you cant comr if yiu can afford to do that