I need advice- FAST!!!

ailuro2

Sign the lease- he can come and visit you in your new home, if there is anything to be salvaged you can do it on YOUR terms.

magentadreamer

ailuro2 wrote: »

Sign the lease- he can come and visit you in your new home, if there is anything to be salvaged you can do it on YOUR terms.

I agree wih Ailuro, sign the lease and if he really wants you back then he's going to have to work at it. If he wants you back then he'll move heaven and earth to do it and if he doesn't then at least you'll be near family to help you out.

newcook

agree with the others about signing the new lease - at least this way you wont have it hanging over your head that he could swipe away your home if he felt like it.

if you do get back together do it at your own time and your conditions.

January20

I agree with everyone else about signing the lease. Do it.

You say you are scared of being alone. I have been on my own with my DD for the last 7 years. At first it is so scary. All those things which you have never done alone are so daunting. Even silly things like going shopping in town on a busy Saturday afternoon and feeling you stick out like a sore thumb because you are on your own. Eventually you will find that you have enormous hidden strength to cope on your own. All the first times you were scared of become routine, and life will be a lot easier.

Believe me, it's better to be happy and alone that unhappy but in a relationship.

MrsTinks

He's had an affair, you've had a fling... I get the feeling there is very little trust left in this relationship?
Regardles of who has done what and why then I would say the pair of you need to do somethign to change the situation... Have a proper time out - take up the lease for 6 months, if he loves you and you love him then you can work this out slowly. You are used to being on your own really you just don't realise it... I'm a Navy brat too and my stepdad would be at sea for months some times and my mother is thankfully a strong lady who can cope, but I think you can too... you're already apart in everything other than name so move out, have a break, give your self time to think, was the fling a sign that you don't love him anymore either?
Go sign that lease and give yourself time to work out what you both want... And good luck

lindsaygalaxy

hi

I have kinda been where u have with a child involved. I now live with my daughter in a house, and my ex, ho is now not my ex again comes and sees us and stays sometimes. when u have been in a relationship like that, the feeling of independence is WONDERFUL and if he wants u that much, he will make the effort to win you back. I sometimes now wonder if my not so ex is what i really want, and i do love him, just sometimes things dont work out how you imagine and you dont feel how you think you will after time.

My advice, move out, take some space and time, love living on your own doing things your own way with no one to answer to, and if its meant to be it will.

If you ever get bored, im always on here!

Lozzle23

Thanks for all your replies. I would just like to clarify that my fling was long after we separated, I really do believe in monogamy within a relationship. I know in my head that what everyone is saying about signing the lease is the right thing to do so I'm gonna do it even though I'm really scared and sad abou the whole situation. I suppose that if we're meant to be together then we will be and if we're not then meaybe there will be a nice man out there for me when I'm ready to find him lol!!

milkfloatquack

Sign the lease. If he is really determined to make a go of things, then he will be OK with taking things slowly anyway. Even if he claims to have changed, hacking into your e-mails/texts isn't really a good sign (especially when he's the one to have left you!)

MrsTinks

My comment about the fling wasn't meant as an accusation I was just trying to point out to you that maybe deep down you realise that you need to test the waters?

Yeah it's scary... I ended up homeless for a few weeks once when i split from my partner (no kids) and thankfully his sister took me in. I was 20 and scared, my family had moved back to Denmark and I had no-one to turn to... So when he decided he didn't love me any more and would I please move out (don't get me started) I was so scared and hurt and mad I cried for weeks... But I got over it! And once I relaised I dind't need him as much as I thought I got on with life and went from having no life other than what he would allow, to running a technical support centre and potentially looking at moving inot consultancy work... and I'm only 27... And at 27 I have a house (with a huge mortgage I admit lol), a dog, 2 cats and a fiance whom I intend to marry next year... With the benefit of hindsight... I just wish I'd been strong enough to leave him before he dumped me. But I guess it was the nicest thing he ever did for me even if he doesn't realise it

You'll do fine! And you might meet YOUR Mr Right if it isn't your current partner... but importantly... YOU will be in control

Bendybops19

I agree, sign the lease It might be scary - but you'll have your own home, your own place of sanctuary You'll be next to your parents, able to go for walks into the town - just go for it! it sounds too good a chance to turn up. You'll be suprised how much you love the freedom!!

If you fancy, you can start dating him again - forget all the stress and worries, just go on a date a week! Have fun again, maybe you'll both get that special spark back.

xxxxx

ooobedoo

Hiya, Hope I can help a little, your man doesn't have to give up the mq-dependant on the area. He will need somewhere to see your child(sorry I haven't read all the post), there are many single parents in MQ's, some who only ave limited access, so you can move into the rental nd he can keep the mq so if you do make a go of it then it's win win.