How much is 'enough' for a single pensioner?

Parsimonia

Errata wrote: »

Sounds like she's shot herself in both feet with another shot straight into her brain for good measure.
She's vain, rude and stupid. In your shoes I'd now take the opportunity to leave her to stew in her own juice before she turned on me.

She has, hasn't she! But she can't see it, at least not yet. She's too angry to be reasonable.

Her behaviour is so extreme at the moment that I've been surreptitiously assessing her for the signs of dementia (I'm a nurse on a dementia ward) but so far, apart from her aggression, I haven't been able to detect any other signs of cognitive impairment. I think she's just angry and looking for someone to blame.

margaretclare

Parsimonia wrote: »

She has, hasn't she! But she can't see it, at least not yet. She's too angry to be reasonable.

Her behaviour is so extreme at the moment that I've been surreptitiously assessing her for the signs of dementia (I'm a nurse on a dementia ward) but so far, apart from her aggression, I haven't been able to detect any other signs of cognitive impairment. I think she's just angry and looking for someone to blame.

I am so sorry, after all you've done. From what you wrote, it seems that the bank representative did all he/she possibly could, short of writing off her O/D completely. (I've never heard of that happening BTW).

Cognitive impairment...but you said she's always been like that, so I would imagine it's not cognitive impairment which is the problem. It's historical - she has always had someone within reach to pick up the pieces, usually her 2 husbands. Now she expects you to do it and because the bank can't/won't exceed their powers, she threw her teddy out of the pram. She really does come over as a 70-year old toddler!

moneyistooshorttomention

Demanding to have some of her overdraft written off:eek:

I've never heard of a bank doing that myself.

What a spoilt brat she is acting to think that, if there isn't a husband to subsidise her, then the rest of a banks customers should do so instead.

It does sound like you are a hiding to nothing trying to deal with this big baby.

Parsimonia

I confess that yesterday, for the first time, I came home and cried - but they were tears of frustration and anger! I felt like wiping my hands of the entire situation and letting her just drown under the weight of the entire problem...

Today I'm still demoralised but back in fighting mettle - mind you, if the step sons don't start to do their bit soon I may just walk away after all and leave them to it.

I think they're standing back and leaving me to fight their battles for them, and because of their medical problems and their physical distance I've been happy to do that to a certain extent...but their apathy is beginning to get a bit annoying!

Surely this worm isn't about to turn??!

If so, it'll be the first time ever - am I growing a backbone at last, at the grand old age of 48???

itsanne

Sorry to hear about your fun in the bank. You're trying to reason with an unpleasant toddler who is unfortunately deemed capable of making her own decisions.

A setback was really to be expected, so don't be too disheartened. What matters more is what happens once she calms down - and she will calm down eventually, if only because she won't be able to sustain the energy her tantrum demands. I'd be tempted to let her stew for now.

A stiff drink may be called for tonight!

itsanne

Parsimonia wrote: »

I confess that yesterday, for the first time, I came home and cried - but they were tears of frustration and anger! I felt like wiping my hands of the entire situation and letting her just drown under the weight of the entire problem...

If you get to that stage, remember that it's of her own making and you've tried very hard to help. You can take a horse to water . . .

PennyForThem_2

Sorry but nobody should rely on inheritance. It is a bonus if you get it - Trust set up or not.

I have been following this thread and look at the thread which suggests you should spend it rather than save it and I think - this person has chosen to spend for whatever reason - at the end of the day the Trustees agreed and did not stipulate that the profit was protected in any way.

That was their mistake.

If she is on route to alzheimers then less savings she has the better as state will pay.

Spending is an addiction - as much as gambling or drinking or smoking. It needs specialist help.

Parsimonia

itsanne wrote: »

Sorry to hear about your fun in the bank. You're trying to reason with an unpleasant toddler who is unfortunately deemed capable of making her own decisions.

A setback was really to be expected, so don't be too disheartened. What matters more is what happens once she calms down - and she will calm down eventually, if only because she won't be able to sustain the energy her tantrum demands. I'd be tempted to let her stew for now.

A stiff drink may be called for tonight!

Yes, you're right, a set back was to be expected....and indeed I was expecting one, but this was worse than I'd anticipated.
She has been stubborn and wilful and obtuse in the past, but yesterday she was downright irrational and unreasonable!

She phoned and spoke to my hubby this morning when I was at work, and he said she was (in his words) defensively contrite. She asked him to pass on her apologies for walking out and embarrassing me, but said she didn't regret being rude to the bank clerk as he was being deliberately unhelpful. Hubby retorted that, from what he'd heard from me, the man had done his best and she was the one that was being unreasonable....and she got annoyed all over again and hung up on him.

Sigh....

...But then about two hours ago her friend dropped in at our house on her way home (she lives in our village) and dropped off bag of seed potatoes and vegetable seeds that MIL had bought us as a gift...so I think that's her way of saying sorry.


You're right, it's like dealing with a self-centered toddler!

I haven't had any contact with her since I dropped her off after the bank fiasco....I'm letting her stew in her own juices for a day or so.

Parsimonia

PennyForThem wrote: »

Sorry but nobody should rely on inheritance. It is a bonus if you get it - Trust set up or not.

I have been following this thread and look at the thread which suggests you should spend it rather than save it and I think - this person has chosen to spend for whatever reason - at the end of the day the Trustees agreed and did not stipulate that the profit was protected in any way.

That was their mistake.

If she is on route to alzheimers then less savings she has the better as state will pay.

Spending is an addiction - as much as gambling or drinking or smoking. It needs specialist help.

I don't think she IS en route to Alzheimers - I was just casting around for things to explain her irrational behaviour! Not that I was hoping that she DID have Alzheimers - Lord no, that's the last thing we need!!!

Her behaviour is certainly extreme at the moment, but it's still recognisably part of a pattern of behaviour that became really evident when she was widowed. Before being widowed, we didn't really notice it all that much - it's only with the benefit of hindsight that my husband has noticed that really the patterns were evident right back into his early childhood.

I guess things can be masked during times of abundance, but adversity has a way of bring out true colours in a way that can be shocking and upsetting.

My poor hubby is gutted that his beloved mam is displaying such awful characteristics... he's always had her on a bit of a pedestal, and now he sees that she has feet of clay.

Savvy_Sue

PennyForThem wrote: »

Sorry but nobody should rely on inheritance. It is a bonus if you get it - Trust set up or not.

I don't think it's as simple as that, although I agree with you in principle. It would be wrong to assume that when the second parent dies, it all goes to the children, because the survivor can change the will.

The thing is, FATHER left something in trust for his sons: it was their inheritance when he died, in just the same way as when parents die before their children are adults - they inherit, but it has to go in trust for them.

Now, it seems that trust has been plundered, and that should not have happened.