School Holidays

Lyz_Fox

Good Morning,


After some advice and maybe some help with a new approach if you would be so kind.


I separated from my husband last February and have 2 boys aged 3 & 5.


A bit of background, I am always trying to get my ex to see his kids more but we have finally settled on one night during the week and every other Saturday night with also a few hours on a Sunday due to his work commitments. (he is self employed lorry driver - not that this makes any difference lol)


My query is this and I am not sure how to get round it, the eldest is at school and the youngest finishes nursery in July to start school in September, how do I get my ex to share childcare arrangements during the holidays? His answer is he pays maintenance (the bare minimum not taking into account his lovely bonuses during the summer months - he earns very little officially) His parents do not work, but will not have them, mine work full time so are limited as to when they can help and I work a few days a week to.
I may be being unreasonable to expect him to help out but I do not feel it, hence why I am asking for help as it is soon going to be summer holidays (forward planning but it will suddenly creep up on me otherwise - gulp!) and I am trying to get it sorted now in order to try and keep it amicable, I have already booked my 2 weeks holiday for the summer to try and ease things but I cannot afford to be putting them both in childcare for each of the holidays especially as there is 2 of them.
Any helpful suggestions on new approach or tips on what he should be doing (we have no formal arrangements as have not divorced) or how you guys get around it.
Thanks in advance
Lyz

Alikay

If you offer to reimburse him a week's maintenance for each week he has them, I don't see how can complain. It may also make him realise how far his contribution goes (or doesn't go) :cool:

Lyz_Fox

That's a good idea, I will suggest that! only problem is that he wont take time off to have them and wont contribute any more towards the childcare

Alikay

Could you try a direct "There are 7 weeks of school holidays between May and September. Which ones are you going to cover?" and then let him come up with a solution.

Lyz_Fox

where do we stand legally on this one as there is no formal agreement in place through courts or other? normally if we went through the courts for resolving access what would they do?
Thanks again for your help

Prothet_of_Doom

Try: There are 13 weeks school holidays, and I get 5 weeks and you get 5 weeks, and my parents are having them for 1 week, your parents can have them for one week, and they are going to have to fend for themselves for one weeks, I'll just leave them in the libary and pick them up at the end of the day.

Which of the 13 weeks, are the 6 weeks you and your parents are having them? I need to know now you ....rude word... so I can book my holidays. They are your kids produced with your sperm, so you can bloody well take some responsibility you ...rude word...

would that work ?

Blokes all over the country are complaining and climbing structures and pretending to be superman, but when offered 5 full weeks with thier kids they behave like !!!!!!.

It's maddness.

Lyz_Fox

Ha ha well I think that's a great way of putting it and very amusing, whether he will is another matter lol x

Mum_to_3_boys

My ex and I made an agreement where we wrote down what maintenance was to be paid and when he was going to have them, which turned out to be 1 week at Easter, 1 week during the Summer and 1 week at Christmas and every other weekend. We both signed this and had it witnessed so there were no legal fees to pay. However it took the threat of CSA to get this done. In the end the maintenance he pays me was in line with what the Child Maintenance Office advised. Don't know if this helps x

Lyz_Fox

Well thank you all for your advice, I took the opportunity when things were civil to broach that there are 13 weeks holiday, which ones would he like. To which he replied that he cant have them for whole weeks etc etc so I pointed out that I wasn't actually asking him to have them for whole weeks as I understand he has to work but that I too have to work for 3 days a week so for the weeks he has them he would need to make arrangements either with his family or childminder etc to cover the childcare for those.
It remained civil but I am yet to get an answer as to what he is going to do so we shall wait and see.
Good idea about getting it witnessed though!
Thank you for all your advice and no doubt I shall resurrect this when it comes to it and he changes his mind lol
x

GobbledyGook

Sadly you need to be prepared for the fact that as the resident parent if he says 'I'm not having them' the burden entirely falls on you.

Do you claim tax credits? Could you afford a childminder? Often they'll have spaces because other parents will work term-time.

Do you have anyone you know who is in a similar position that you could do a child swap with for a week or two?

sooty&sweep

Hi
If you're able to claim childcare vouchers you can use them for afterschool / holiday clubs.
Jen