Fathers Funeral - Carrying coffin dilema. HELP!

his_missus

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. My died a few weeks ago from an agressive form of cancer so I can empathise with how you're feeling.

We chose for dad to be wheeled in by the undertakers as we're a small family too.

Don't feel obliged to do it to make them happy, do what you are comfortable with. Have you spoken to Dad's wife and explained how you feel and your worries?

If you want a completely random stranger to PM and talk about how you're feeling, please feel free to PM me xxx

lori64

So sorry for your loss!

You said you have a doctors appointment next week? Ask for a sedative to get you through. I lost my gran 18mths ago, and I was on edge, couldn't sleep or eat properly. Me and mum had been her carers for 4yrs ( she had dementia). It helped me cope with her death, and being a cord holder at her funeral. I also went to see her at the funeral parlour the night before her funeral. So glad I went to "visit" her, it helped a lot. It was the first time I had seen anyone dead before. It sounds strange, but I felt calm holding the cord the next day. I was the only female cord holder, my cousin backed out, saying it was a "man's job".
I know it's not the same as "bearing the weight" as it were.

Be brave, wishing you strength!

Ms_Chocaholic

Sorry for your loss ant.

I can totally understand how you feel, when my dad died (in hospital), unfortunately none of us were present and later that day she wanted us to all go to the hospital and see him - I really wish I had stood up and said I didn't want to but couldn't at the time. Also when the funeral was arranged, the FDs asked if we wanted them to compile a list of all the mourners, I would have loved that, to see who had been there for my dad, but my mum didn't want that, so it wasn't done, I wasn't given a choice.

I feel your situation is slightly different though, you will be carrying a coffin but you will be close to it anyway. I'm not sure how big a man your dad was but try to think of the weight divided by 6 of you; I'm sure you will manage fine.

In terms of your Dr appointment; it's understandable that you're feeling down in the circumstances. Although your dad had been unwell, it still comes as a shock. Have you tried contacting the surgery again to ask if they can fit you in earlier. At our surgery they always have appointments available that day so, if you ring first thing, or pop down if you can as you beat all the other people on the phone and if the receptionist is talking to you about an appointment she can't answer the phone!!, I'm sure you will get an earlier appointment.

mountainofdebt

many coffins now are 'wheeled' in and the bearers simply walk alongside it.

Tiddlywinks

antw23uk wrote: »

Thank you all for your kind words and avice. I'm going to do it, I feel its only right although I dont really owe the man anything I will be happy to do it to make others feel better and I guess myself a little
I'm not coping, I havent been since before Xmas. I've booked an appointment with the doctors to discuss just how low I feel but the appointment isnt until next Tuesday :mad: I dont think im stupid enough to do anything 'stupid' I just feel so low and worthless!

Thank you all again.

Bereavement can raise all sorts of memories and emotions and there is help out there.

Cruse is a good place to start for finding someone to talk to and working out your feelings about losing someone:

http://www.cruse.org.uk/

http://www.macmillan.org.uk/HowWeCanHelp/Bereavement/Bereavement.aspx

Take care of yourself... if someone else were in your position, what would you say to them? Don't put yourself under any more pressure than you can handle. Look after yourself.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

antw23uk wrote: »

Thank you all for your kind words and avice. I'm going to do it, I feel its only right although I dont really owe the man anything I will be happy to do it to make others feel better and I guess myself a little
I'm not coping, I havent been since before Xmas. I've booked an appointment with the doctors to discuss just how low I feel but the appointment isnt until next Tuesday :mad: I dont think im stupid enough to do anything 'stupid' I just feel so low and worthless!

Thank you all again.

That shows how strong you are. Be proud of yourself and do what you know to be right.