Sensitive Question

marisco_2

Normally the other person with parental responsibility would take on the care of their children if a parent dies. At just 8 and 13 years of age the loss of their mum would have a huge impact. Moving away from close relatives, all that is familiar to them, a school they are settled into and friendships they have formed could be detrimental to the children's wellbeing. What an awful situation for this woman to be in. I hope she can discuss this with all the adults who would be left behind if anything did happen to her, and reach agreement with them on the children's future care that everyone feels happy about.

Dal_Whinnie

Gavin83 wrote: »

What exactly is her issue with the father looking after the children full time?

Mojisola wrote: »

If there are specific reasons why the mother thinks that it wouldn't be good for the children to live with their father (and as he currently has unrestricted access to them, can he be that bad?), she could talk the situation through with social services.

I really don't want to go into details, there are not, as far as I am aware, any grounds for involving Social Services or Court and the mother does not want to go down the route of restricting the father's access to his children but she has major concerns over his lifestyle and the impact on the children. She tries to manage this as best she can but it does impact the children. I appreciate that there are always two sides to a situation and I don't want to get into that debate just to better understand the legal position and would like to thank everyone for their responses which broadly confirm my own thoughts.

cazziebo

Awful situation. Would it not be better for all involved if the adults got together and decided now what would be best for the children?

In both cases where I know this has happened the children have stayed with grandparents. In one, because the father had younger children and couldn't accommodate the children on a permanent basis. In the other, the father worked abroad and didn't have a "family" home in the UK. In both, the father maintained a relationship.

However, every situation will be different. How fit and well are the grandparents, and how long is this likely to be the case? At what stage in their education are they?

Children cope with change if that's the outcome. More irreparable is the damage caused by the adults in their lives squabbling. Just not wanting children to live with their dad is never a sound reason.

Gavin83

Dal_Whinnie wrote: »

I really don't want to go into details, there are not, as far as I am aware, any grounds for involving Social Services or Court and the mother does not want to go down the route of restricting the father's access to his children but she has major concerns over his lifestyle and the impact on the children. She tries to manage this as best she can but it does impact the children. I appreciate that there are always two sides to a situation and I don't want to get into that debate just to better understand the legal position and would like to thank everyone for their responses which broadly confirm my own thoughts.

Ok, would the dad be willing to let the grandparents look after the children on a perm basis?

As the lone surviving parent he would have full custody of the children. He could of course agree for the grandparents to look after the children but he doesn't have to. He could even make an agreement while the mother is alive and then change his mind should the worst happen.

The only way this will really change is if he is determined as not being capable of looking after the children. This will naturally be determined by a court but this of course depends on what her 'issues' are and it would naturally lead to reduced or possibly eliminated access.

From the way you've said it though I assume he's not actually doing anything that a court would determine makes him an incapable parent, just something that the mother doesn't like. Therefore there is really little action she can take.

rpc

OP - are you in Scotland? Your name is making me think. I know our lawis a bit different on this so it made me go look it up.

In England, you can appoint a guardian who would inherit your parental rights upon death. This guardianship would only take effect if there is no surviving parent or there is a residence order in favour of the deceased. (Children Act 1989 s5). That last bit was a surprise to me.

In Scotland, you can appoint a guardian who would inherit your parental rights upon death. No further caveats. (Children (Scotland) Act 1995 s7). The guardian would share PRR with the surviving parent - both get to make decisions, so it could all end up in court if they disagree.

Prothet_of_Doom

I am sure that the surviving parent will have thier own children's best interests at heart and if the children need to move will try to ensure the best schooling, and contact with friends and grandparents continue, (perhaps even daily by skype). It will be a major change but hey it's their Dad, and he should step up to the mark. (I know I would)

Mojisola

Prothet_of_Doom wrote: »

I am sure that the surviving parent will have thier own children's best interests at heart

If that was true of all parents, the world would be a much better place.

If the children's mother doesn't think the father would look after the children properly, it must be adding a lot of stress to an already difficult situation.

As one of the children is 13, it's possible that she/he would be able to have a say in what happens to them.

p00hsticks

Mojisola wrote: »

As one of the children is 13, it's possible that she/he would be able to have a say in what happens to them.

Yes, I was about to say the same - I would hope that the views of the children themselves woudl be taken into consideration.

supersaver2

p00hsticks wrote: »

Yes, I was about to say the same - I would hope that the views of the children themselves woudl be taken into consideration.

Unlikely in this situation, he would be the only person with parental responsibility, a totally different situation to a custody battle between parents that both have parental responsibility where a child's wishes would be taken into account.

An awful situation to be in, I would tread carefully though. Dad could be well within his rights to remove the children to the otherside of the world if he so wished, all adults need to come together now and have a serious discussion, this should include Dad. Hopefully whatever worries Mum has can start to be resolved, this could be the making of him if he's given the chance to step up.

TiltedBrain

It will be better keep children with grandparent's if they don't have problem.