At what point do you decide not to go to a wedding as it's too expensive?

Person_one

Ok, with the update, I wouldn't go.

There's no reason why that means you can't book a different holiday though! Go to Butlins, enjoy yourself, and send the couple a lovely card and a nice present.

pollyanna24

How best to explain to the couple getting married that it's just too much hassle and cost to go over after telling them that I am going?


They seem to be always travelling over there with their little boy (driving and ferry), so I'm not sure they'll accept the too much hassle explanation, but I'm not sure I could face this. I'm a single mum and the girls tend to "gang" on me, haha, so tend to avoid stuff like this. It's easier when there are two parents to control children.

Mojisola

pollyanna24 wrote: »

I think my main issue with it is that it will be my only holiday this year if I go (if I don't go, then I would probably book a cheap week in Butlins for the girls).

I feel that my only holiday is being forced on me and I would rather choose a time to go to Ireland that suited me

Given this, I certainly wouldn't be going.

You have been given an invitation - you can accept or refuse it.

If there wasn't a wedding involved, would you let someone else dictate to you when and where you had your one break of the year?

Person_one

"We'd have loved to come, but I've tried to work it out and the logistics and cost combined mean its just not possible. Have a lovely day, congratulations, etc etc."

I'm sure they will graciously accept that, what else would they do? Stamp their feet and insist that you come however difficult it might be? Most people are reasonable and understanding, don't worry so much!

Mojisola

pollyanna24 wrote: »

How best to explain to the couple getting married that it's just too much hassle and cost to go over after telling them that I am going?

They seem to be always travelling over there with their little boy (driving and ferry), so I'm not sure they'll accept the too much hassle explanation, but I'm not sure I could face this. I'm a single mum and the girls tend to "gang" on me, haha, so tend to avoid stuff like this. It's easier when there are two parents to control children.

If they are rude enough to put pressure on you when you decline their invitation, I'd be distancing myself from them until the bridezilla phase is over!

tatabubbly

TBH, the more I see these threads, I feel like they have answered the question already. If you don't want to go, don't go but please be curtious to your hosts and let them know. They may have plans for out of town guests so giving them plenty of notice will help them.

I think engaged couples get caught up in all the hype. For our wedding, me and my OH will be the ones travelling the most to come from where we live to get married back home! However, this could be the case with that couple and they shouldn't be judged harshly.

GobbledyGook

You could go to your friends and only book into the hotel for the night of the wedding. Alright it'd be a long drive on the morning of the wedding, but it would be a considerable saving.

pollyanna24

Thanks everyone.


I think I have decided not to go. Was just talking out loud on here I guess.


I will talk to my mum later about it as she was thinking the same as me that it was too expensive and there's only her and my dad for her to worry about. Although she can stay with her mum (I can't really as the place it tiny), so doesn't really have accommodation worries.


If I don't go though, mum and dad will be reliant on other people driving them places, but hey ho, what can I do?


Shame that my girls won't meet their great-nan though. Might look into a holiday at a time when it won't annoy my cousin getting married that I'm going over there.

duchy

If you don't want to go then don't ........

Given the choice between Ireland and Butlins for me Ireland would win every time -there's so much to see and do and it's very child friendly but if you can only afford one holiday and Butlins is far more appealing to you then it seems a no brainer.

If only Saturday lets are available presumably it is midsummer (although I've certainly managed to book Friday to Monday breaks in Ireland in summer) so if you were making it a proper holiday why not arrive Friday and stay in a hotel or B&B for one night then move Saturday morning to a weekly let or even B&B it for the wedding and then take off to another part of the country -Ireland has some fabulous beaches, castles, etc to see .

But if Ireland doesn't float your boat then just decline the invitation -it's usually expected that some people will decline when a wedding is "abroad".

To be honest if you say "It's too much hassle" it sounds rude so maybe a more tactful excuse like you can't get the time off of work or it's too expensive with having to get passports on top -or whatever might go down better. I'd certainly be miffed if someone told me they couldn't be bothered with the effort my wedding entailed which is likely how "too much hassle" will be heard as.

jetplane

I would think even going halves on the car hire that the week will cost you no less than £1000 and this is far too much to spend on going to a wedding. Many couples are having weddings either abroad or in some far flung country house which incurs extra costs for the wedding guest.

Have you estimated how much it would cost just to go to the wedding? Stay 2 nights for example? Is this doable?

However although it is not of your choosing if you really want to go then you could start thinking of treating it as a holiday where you will also be attending a wedding. The children will have just had one holiday and this would be different to Butlins but would include meeting new family and new experiences for them. Plan your week around your family as you would a holiday. I take it your family are also staying the 5 nights could they not help you out maybe babysitting while you visit your friend and let your hair down or taking your children on outings?

However if you feel pushed and would rather do the trip another time and for less money then don't feel bad about saying no. Its simple you can not spare the expense, actually even if you could its still ok to say you don't want to.

We did this one year when friends married abroad, we went to a place I would not have chosen, it cost us more than we would have paid but I really wanted to go, so went with the mindset that it was my holiday first and their wedding second and we had a fabulous time.

edit : just read your post to say your not going, if your mother was thinking the same then its simple really you tell your cousin you cant afford it but don't say logistics or hassle. And you will probably have to wait a couple of years before going to ireland otherwise your cousin will be huffed