Really need some advice


I'm not sure if I'm posting in the right place, and if it isn't the right place, I'm really really sorry!

I was hoping someone could give me some advice. I'm 4 months pregnant and a victim of domestic violence. This is a long and complicated story: my bf has just left me (finally). I left him once before and went into a refuge and he tracked me down and told me he'd changed and all of that nonsense that violent men like to sprout. After wearing me down, I agreed to get back with him but only if he took anger management classes and we moved and made a fresh start. This was in 2012.

Everything was fine until I found out I was pregnant. He's been really violent and abusive and today he beat me and took all of his things and left saying he was moving in with a girl he worked with.

I went to order some groceries from asda and my card was declined. Went and checked my online banking and I'm £15 overdrawn. I looked at the charges and he'd taken my card (without my permission) and withdrawn £300 on fri. As it was the 1st yesterday, I also had a direct debit which must have hit my account yesterday and hence why it has overdrawn. I had £300 in on friday and I don't get paid again until this thursday and I'm not sure what to do in the mean time. I called the police and told them the whole thing. They came round and took a statement. I spoke to my bank too (one of the police officers was nice enough to let me use his phone as he had smashed up my phone) but they said I must have given my pin number to him in the past and basically said it was my fault and there was nothing they could do except order me a new card.

I've been in derby only for a short while. I don't know anyone here and I don't have any contact with my family due to some abuse I suffered as a child.

I have no idea what I'm supposed to do from now until thursday. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.


  • Keep strong hunny. You are not alone. At least he is gone but try and change your locks if you can, if you rent just tell them you have lost your keys.
    Anyone you need to pay can wait, write to them, contact your council and tell them you are on your own now so you can get help.
    There is support out there for you, I am also on netmums so can talk to you on there. sarah l 28.
    Try your local freecycle site, you may beable to get a replacement phone. There is a life after violence I promise, you have got people round, you just don't know them yet.
  • Another thought, if you are struggling for food for his week, talk to your midwife, she might be able to point you in the right direction of a food bank.
    You and baby will be fine, I promise.
  • tillyenna
    tillyenna Posts: 276 Forumite
    See if you can contact your local citizens advise beaurau, they're only open stupid hours here (three half days a week) but they are REALLY helpful, and will be able to support you with things like rent payments, council tax payments and advise you on what you can do.

    Your doctor or midwife can get you foodbank vouchers, which will usually supply you with 2-3 weeks worth of food

    Most of all, stay strong - I can see from the things you've written that you are a survivor, and so you and your baby will survive this!
    Officially saved enough to cover the cost of our wedding! :A
  • have you tried applying for a crisis loan. This would see you ok until Thursday. Think about your baby and try and be strong and stay away from your ex. Stay strong
  • Sorry that I'm not much of help because I'm not living in Derby otherwise I would like to help. I only have some advices:
    - Freecycle and Gumtree freebies for phone (also for other stuff & baby items. I have got quite a few baby items from those sites and have given away a lot. They are great.)
    - Visit your local churches. Most churches have their food banks to give away.

    Big hugs. Do stay away from him & contact police if he comes back. All the best for you & baby xx
  • Scotsbride
    Scotsbride Posts: 960 Forumite
    Your MW should be able to offer advise and support on where to go as should CAB. Please don't go back to him I seen people who have gone back to violent partner when pregnant it nearly always gets worst. Remember he's the one with the problem not you and nobody has the right to do that to anyone. Good luck I'm sure you'll make a brilliant mother Keep safe . P.S Have you talked to your local housing althority they should be able to sort something out for you too
    :kisses3: Married 29th September 2012:love:
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