Coping with peope who have wronged you

skintas_2

few years back someone did somehting really bad to me. it really effected me. i had a break down and was nearly sectioned. i asked this person why she did this to me, she just laughed. i hadnt seen her for a few years, i was out with my new work friends in ldon i bumped in to her. i was so shocked my head was racing. she started mouthing off about my kids and brother. i just lost the plot and my fists took over. i felt after i could close the book. on what had happen to me. this was last month. last weekend me and my partner went away to spain and guess what she was there. i think she was more scared off me as i finally stood up to her. just had to keep away from her as i didnt trust myself after all the greive she caused me. just remember wahat comes around goes around. shes the one with a problem not you. if you have found that out im sure plenty of other people have too.

cat4772

Emma, you have my sympathies.

In my situation, I was seeing three different counsellors (bereavement midwife, relationship counsellor and general counsellor) and the topics we'd discuss would rake up a host of unpleasant memories (to the point where I felt I was stuck reliving them over again - didn't help that I knew the outcome, I was still reliving them:eek:). I was advised to write several letters; me to her, her to me etc. There were things I knew about her (she had been forced into the job, she was ill), but becuase of her treatment of me I had discounted. The letters really helped me to deal with my issues about it. Must point out I never sent a single one, they were to get my feelings out in the open.

Karma works though sometimes (even after the event) you wonder why it bothered. In the interim she'd been sectioned after her illness had worsened, received electric shock treatment and had a rough time. I had friends that would visit her each week and update me on her progress but I was too angry and hurt to visit.

Years later, we met at work (after she'd recovered somewhat) and we TALKED. Yes she'd been ill, I was just the unlucky sod who she took it out on. Know what she said? She'd been jealous of me, my success in relationships (work-wise and having a husband) and just envied me.

Lesson I learnt from it was that my feelings are valid, hiding them didn't work as they were corrosive, but by removing their power I was able to move on. Helps that I've gained a friend from it and gotten rid of so much emotional baggage that was holding me back!

I wish you luck Emma, and all the very best!

Elle00

Hi Emma,

I won't tell you my story as it would take too long and serve no purpose!

When I had hypnotherapy to quit smoking 18m ago I was asked to answer with the first thing that came to mind: What makes you most angry? I said "My Mother" without even thinking.

The anger just ate away at me over and over for about a decade there like some kind of grief I could not suppress I guess.

But last year when I was making a lot of life changes I made the decision to forgive my Mother. She doesn't know I've done this as we have no contact, but I have. I forgive her because she was just a cr*p Mother and it was time to move on and concentrate on myself and being a good Mother.

Perhaps something similar would help you? Forgive this girl and accept that some people just don't make great friends. Try your best to be a good friend to the ones you have in your life now.

Like other people have suggested, there are loads of great techniques out there and the most important thing is to forgive, put the feelings away and move on. Just because you've forgiven her does not mean you have to forget and you don't have to be friends with this girl either. Be civil if you see her again and tell yourself it's not her fault she's a cr*p friend to people.

Someday I will forgive my ex-husband for mistaking me for his dolly too. I'm half way there at the moment and keep working at it because I know from experience it's the only way to go. My ex doesn't give two hoots that I still feel angry with him; it's me who's hurting for it just as I did over my Mother for all those years.