planning marriage without money and accomodation

browneyedbazzi

Where there is a will, there is a way.

You don't have to be married to live together (unless there is some cultural/religious reason why you feel a need) and equally you don't have to buy a house the minute you are married. If they need to stay in London for work but can't afford private rent on their own perhaps they should look at shared houses. It's not uncommon in London for couples to rent a room/bedsit in a larger house - before we lived together my partner had a studio flat in a shared house and there was a young couple with a baby renting one of the other rooms. This is obviously much cheaper than renting a flat/house and allowed them to save up so eventually they would be able to get somewhere better.

The people you are talking about might not be able to instantly set up their idea life and live happily ever after OP, but if the relationship is important to them and they truly want to be together then it is possible - they'll just have to compromise on something. Life isn't a fairly tale and people need to stop expecting it to be!

ViolaLass

OP, you sound like it's all or nothing for this couple i.e. if they can't be married AND live together AND buy a house then it's all a disaster.

You/they need to get some sense of proportion. Getting married need not cost much and it isn't necessary just to live together. Buying a house isn't vital and they can't afford it at the moment. Living together is possible on £28k a year by considering options like a room in a house or less expensive areas.

Start dealing with one thing at a time, rather than chasing everything and whinging about not being able to have it all.

sebastianj

Cohabitation is an issue, yes one does not have to be married but the lady in question does not like the idea. Aging in relation to her having a baby I think, as the body clock is ticking away, yep they need to move away.
Sebastian

GobbledyGook

If they can't afford a few hundred pounds for a wedding then they can't really afford a baby.

Forgive me if I'm wrong, but it seems like you are looking for a raft of replies saying 'Yes, they must leave London'.

Buying a house doesn't have to be the be all and end all. If they can afford to rent then they don't have to leave. Many people don't buy a house, it's not always necessary (allbeit it's a nice to have). If they leave London you would have to balance what they would lose - possibly lower salaries, they may struggle to find jobs and if both families are in London they'd lose that support. That support could be massively important if you start throwing babies into the mix.

duchy

You sound like you've both led very protected lives with parents paying for everything.

If you both work then look at areas people you work with live to give you an idea what is commutable and check out rents in those areas. If you are planning on having a baby "soon" then you need to work out what is affordable on your wages alone as childcare would wipe out any earnings your "fiancee" would earn on current earnings.

You don't sound mature enough to get married however if these things need to be explained to you and you haven't any savings to cover deposit , furniture, cost of wedding etc. Why not work out what your next step will be with regard to area etc and "set a date" in say six months or a year for it all to happen and save like mad in the meantime ? Once you have a plan a budget will follow and you can work out how much you need to save each month.

ViolaLass

If the girl won't move in together without getting married, what does SHE propose to do about it? Or is she waiting for everyone else to fix it for her?

marisco_2

sebastianj wrote: »

Purpose of the marriage is to live together. It is almost impossible these days.
Seb

You can live together without being married. Unless of course you are of a certain faith and wish to follow the accepted ways of leading life this dictates. Personally I would recommend looking into ways to improve your earning capability, and then seeking alternative employment which pays enough so as you can save and get some security behind you. Then look into the prospect of finding a place to live together either by renting or buying. Once you are established then go ahead and get hitched. It will make for a far happier start to married life doing things this way. Why add stress and pressure to what should be the best time.

Nothing is impossible. Not nowadays or at any time in the past. Sure the best things in life don't come easily and require hard work, effort and a determination to keep aiming for what you want. Having an 'it cant be done' approach makes daily life so much harder than it is necessary for it to be.

sebastianj

Take the step and hope for the best, this has been my advice. If they need to move elsewhere then they should. Yes they have lived protected lives, and they want to live together because they love each other.
seb