Does anyone else ever feel like this?

Person_one

Trixsie1989 wrote: »

Thank you for all your replies.i know I am being very irrational (oh keeps telling me so) but I don't no how else to deal with this and the way I'm feeling. I think I just really need a break away from everything right now. I spend a lot of my free time very upset because friends are on their second child and I keep being asked when I'm going to have mine, only one of them knows about the miscarriage but even she has got baby fever and I can't bear to be around her. How can I start feeling like everything is good? I don't want to distance myself from my friends but it may be the only way for the time being xx

If your friends are all around your age and are on their second children, they're a very unrepresentative group. The average age a woman has her first child now is 28.

krustylouise

Trixsie1989 wrote: »

Ballet I went but the people I was referred to were awful ( same people that tried to do my bereavement counselling a few years ago when my mum died) and when I complained and asked to,be referred to someone else my doctor wouldn't help and I can't afford to pay for counselling with the house move and the wedding. Xx

There's a service near my for counselling where you refer yourself now. I recently referred myself and they asked if there was anyone I didn't particularly click with and I was honest and said the last 1 I saw. She kindly noted that and referred me to someone else x

daisiegg

Person_one wrote: »

If your friends are all around your age and are on their second children, they're a very unrepresentative group. The average age a woman has her first child now is 28.

I was going to say the same thing. I am two years older than the OP and I do not have a single friend my age who is even thinking about children yet. I have one good friend who is TTC number one - but she is 32! None of my friends my age from school or uni are anywhere near children. I am also the only one who is married (though there are a couple of weddings planned over the next few years).

Buzzybee90

Trixsie1989 wrote: »

Thank you for all your replies.i know I am being very irrational (oh keeps telling me so) but I don't no how else to deal with this and the way I'm feeling. I think I just really need a break away from everything right now. I spend a lot of my free time very upset because friends are on their second child and I keep being asked when I'm going to have mine, only one of them knows about the miscarriage but even she has got baby fever and I can't bear to be around her. How can I start feeling like everything is good? I don't want to distance myself from my friends but it may be the only way for the time being xx

If it makes you feel better my OH is your age. None of his uni friends have children.

FBaby

If most of your friends are on their second child by the age of 24, then it is not the norm. I can't remember the average age for a first child, but it is much more than this. I was 28 when I had my first child, and I was the first one amongst my friends.

I really do think that all these feelings stems from your feeling very broody. Why not focus on the fact that you are almost there if you are planning on getting married next year and happy to start afterwards. You will be much happier having children when you are debt free, including the wedding and settled then if you had 2 or 3 children and still struggling to make ends meet.

marisco_2

Where are you seeing other peoples lives working out fine for them with apparent ease? From the outside looking in you rarely get a full picture of all the balls someone is juggling in order to run their life. Members of your own family, friends, acquaintances, colleagues etc. will all have their own trails and tribulations to contend with. Accepting this, becoming resilient and developing strategies to cope with all the ups, downs and curve balls that will occur is the only effective way to navigate your way through life.

You are trying to cope with 3 of life's most stress inducing events at this time; a house move, taking on a new job with added responsibility and organising your wedding. All the while struggling to see others around you starting families. Forgive me if I am wrong but I think your upset about this aspect in particular, isn't so much to do with timing more that you haven't fully addressed your feelings over your miscarriage so far. Could it be beneficial to you to contact your gp and see if he/she could refer you for appropriate counselling? I advise this as I sought out this help for myself years ago and it helped immensely. I wish you lots of luck for your future, and sincerely hope you manage to find ways to feel happier and more content, so you can appreciate all the good that you do have going for you.

Trixsie1989

Thank you again, I think I will look into better counselling to try and deal with the problems I have with all this and although I am aware it is not the norm for people my age to have 2 kids or be married etc it just seems to be the norm within my group of friends. I am really hoping that I will find things a lot easier to cope with once we have moved house in 2 weeks and then I have a week off work to relax so may try and get a day out or away with the oh. Living with my mother in law and not getting along particularly well isn't helping either atm but I just have to keep focused that it's only 2 more weeks.it was a huge relief when I finished paying back my debt, I used to be a lot worse than this because of it and had a lot of sleepless nights worrying so I know that once the more stressful parts have been done I will be a lot happier and once I have settled into my job properly and feel confident that will help too. I just feel quite alone sometimes and no doubt my homie getting very fed up with the mood swings xx

meritaten

by now you wanted to feel 'settled down' and a family started. at your age I had married and started a family and moved into the home I still live in. so I think I can relate.
in your case its been 'delayed'. Things have happened which have to be dealt with first hun. imagine trying to raise babies with debt hanging over your head! its hard enough without that! They are always more expensive than you think!
You have also been under a lot of stress - and I think you may have 'idealised' family life. Believe me, babies bring stress too. They don't always conform to the baby books. a crying screaming baby is very hard to deal with. they don't ALL sleep most of the time, feed on time, produce tidy little poos, and just lie there being adorable.
The best time to have a baby is if you have your own life in order! reduce the stress factors - because even 'perfect' babies will increase your stress levels.

jaylee3

Can't offer much advice sorry. But I hope you will feel better soon. You're still young too. So plenty of time

TamVilla80

I can assure you that you are not the only one feeling like this!

Hang on in there and take care x