Does anyone else ever feel like this?

Trixsie1989

Hi,

I've found myself getting very upset recently coz my life isn't panning out as quickly or smoothly as I thought it would and it appears that it is working out fine for everyone else.
I am engaged to the love of my life and we are getting married in a year and planning children but I always wanted it to happen younger.
I am only 24 but it just feels like I've wasted a lot of time doing nothing as I got into really bad debt and as a result I have spent 6 years repaying that and not been able to do anything I keep being told I should have like nice days out or holidays or travelling.
I am under a lot of pressure and stress at the moment as we are also trying to arrange a house move and I have just started a new job with a lot of extra responsibility so that's not helping to the way I feel.
And I have found I am distancing myself from friends who are having kids now because it hurts too much to be around them.
We had a miscarriage 2 years ago and decided to wait a while to get sorted but now it feels like I'm not going to get the life I originally wanted.
Can anyone relate to this ?

Xx

vicstick86

Now your debt free... spend time enjoying time with your fiancee... holidays, lovely wedding, meals out etc.
your life hasnt been wasted as you've met someone you really love, which doesnt happen for everyone...
id concentrate on your new job, husband and house and wait until you've lived a life.
24 is still very young to have a baby especially if you've spent the last few years struggling.
In short enjoy your life, enjoy your freedom, enjoy doing well at work, babys can come later :-)

krustylouise

Hi Sarah

Yes I too have felt like that, I am 29, and have DD (6). (I had a miscarriage before i conceived dd) I feel like I was so stupid financially when I was younger, I had a good paid job but instead of paying what I owed I just preferred to keep on spending, and as a result I ended up bankrupt! I work full time now, and a single mum (don't currently live with my fianc!) I struggle to cope juggling all my responsibilities. I do feel I have let Dd down by not being with her Dad. But, then I remind myself that I am young, I'm only 29. You are so young. You have your whole life ahead of you. What has happened, has happened, your life has been a lesson, and your future will be better paved because of the paths you have already travelled x

balletshoes

Trixsie1989 wrote: »

Hi,

I've found myself getting very upset recently coz my life isn't panning out as quickly or smoothly as I thought it would and it appears that it is working out fine for everyone else.
I am engaged to the love of my life and we are getting married in a year and planning children but I always wanted it to happen younger.
I am only 24 but it just feels like I've wasted a lot of time doing nothing as I got into really bad debt and as a result I have spent 6 years repaying that and not been able to do anything I keep being told I should have like nice days out or holidays or travelling.
I am under a lot of pressure and stress at the moment as we are also trying to arrange a house move and I have just started a new job with a lot of extra responsibility so that's not helping to the way I feel.
And I have found I am distancing myself from friends who are having kids now because it hurts too much to be around them.
We had a miscarriage 2 years ago and decided to wait a while to get sorted but now it feels like I'm not going to get the life I originally wanted.
Can anyone relate to this ?

Xx

its no wonder you're feeling the way you are - new job and a house move - 2 of the universally most stressful things anyone goes through. Not to mention the miscarriage, another majorly stressful thing to go through.

You are 24, you're turning your life around right now, thats something to be proud of, thats something you've worked towards, so its part of the solution for the rest of your life.

Life is going to throw you curveballs all through it, I don't believe for one second that any human being gets the exact life they may have dreamed of or mapped out for themselves whilst a young adult.

fairy_lights

You're 24! You still have so much time to have kids, not to mention days out and holiday. I think there is a lot of pressure on 20 something's these days to be having the time of our lives but at the same time to have our lives in perfect order, I'm a few years older than you and sometimes feel like I haven't done/achieved enough. But think about everything you have achieved! You've met the love of your life, you've got a good job, and paid off your debts. And all your friends who seem to have their lives sorted probably don't, everyone has their obstacles and for all you know your life might look pretty good to them.

FBaby

Many few people see their life planned out as they have not planned it, but dreamt it. The reality is that there are too many factors that can't be controlled to expect all to go as we expect.

What you need to do is focus on the positives. You share your life with someone you love, you have a job and about to experience the excitment of a new home. That's a lot to be grateful for.

It does sound like you are still grieving your loss baby. Again, that is natural. Good on you to have put it on hold to start having children when you can offer them the best. You still have so many times to enjoy all the things that life has to offer.

Trixsie1989

Thank you for all your replies.i know I am being very irrational (oh keeps telling me so) but I don't no how else to deal with this and the way I'm feeling. I think I just really need a break away from everything right now. I spend a lot of my free time very upset because friends are on their second child and I keep being asked when I'm going to have mine, only one of them knows about the miscarriage but even she has got baby fever and I can't bear to be around her. How can I start feeling like everything is good? I don't want to distance myself from my friends but it may be the only way for the time being xx

daisiegg

No....I am a couple of years older than you and am married and hoping for a baby soon but I worry about my youth and carefree years disappearing far more than I worry about wanting everything to happen quickly! Don't wish your life away,,,.enjoy being young and having few responsibilities while you can!

balletshoes

Trixsie have you had any counselling following your miscarriage? You seem to know that at times your thought process is irrational, so maybe counselling might help?

Trixsie1989

Ballet I went but the people I was referred to were awful ( same people that tried to do my bereavement counselling a few years ago when my mum died) and when I complained and asked to,be referred to someone else my doctor wouldn't help and I can't afford to pay for counselling with the house move and the wedding. Xx

claire16c

Where on earth do you live that your friends already have 2 kids at your age and you are the odd one out?

At 24 most people I knew were just finishing uni, starting jobs, moving in with partners or going travelling. No wonder you feel under so much pressure and I know what its like to have a miscarriage. I dont blame you for feeling awkward or sad around your friends with babies.

But if you want to have more holidays or go travelling before you settle down, then you have time to do that before having children. You are only 24!