sad about ex

fluffnutter

Rottensocks wrote: »

(By the way, did he end things, or did you?)

She did apparently. And then spent three years regretting it. I know I'm a meanie but perhaps those three years would have been better spent trying to see if things were worth another go rather than sobbing every day.

paulineb_2

I think someone who is crying every day after 3 years really needs to go and see a GP. I shed a lot of tears after my ex left, a lot, but three years on I wasnt sitting crying every day. Its not healthy. Theres nothing wrong with loving someone but I think sometimes we get a moment when we know that someone has moved on and it hurts. There are people who I met when I was getting over my ex and things didnt work out and they moved on and its very easy to sit and think what if. But you do what you do to get you through how you feel at the time. If you dont feel ready to move on with someone, dont do it.

But how long do you give that, 5, 10, 15 years? Gets to a point where you are wasting your life. I am single just now and I have been for a long time, but the reason I am isnt anything to do with pining for an ex or being too scared to get involved with someone else.

If thats how you feel years later, go and speak to someone, express how you are feeling. Otherwise you are just wasting your life being miserable, for goodness sake who wants to be miserable for years when your ex has moved on (like the OPs) and is getting married and you are still sitting crying.

Its fine to regret leaving someone or be broken hearted at someone leaving you, but the grief stage shouldnt last years.

Holloways

I registered to post in this thread. Just wanted to say I know exactly how you feel Sally, am going through pretty much the same thing myself right now (ex from a long time ago, who's now single again).

I think getting help is probably the right thing to do - as many posters have said, you can't waste your life pining over one person. As hard as it is, you have to try and move on - some people manage that just fine, others have to get professional help to deal with stuff. There's no shame in that - but from experience, I know that it is difficult to admit it and to try and deal with the emotions that you're having.

Thank you to everyone else who has posted sharing their similar situations or organisations who can offer help. It definitely helps to think that we're not necessarily alone in dealing with this

System

sadsally wrote: »

Hi everyone , my name is Sally and like it says on the bottle im sad
The reason being my ex who i slit up three years ago, the trouble being i still love him so much and regretted it about two months after i split from him. I am with someone else now and i try to be happy and i put on a good show but inside im sinking I do so want to forget him but not a day, no not a hour goes by without me thinking about him and i cry about him every single day over him.

The worst thing is i have found out he is getting married in a couple of months time, im so jealous of the lady in his life and that she appreciates him like i should have done. i was swayed by family and friends who said he was never good enough for me as he didnt have a job and that he was scrounging off me, but he did lots of things for me and built my self confidence up no end. For that reason i dont talk to my friends about how i feel, i just came on here to let it out how i feel as ive kept it all in for so long and sometimes i just want to scream. I know its no "biggy" compared to what alot of peeps may be going through, but its making me sad and i just wondered if anyone was going through a similar type of thing or have done and want to share how they got over it xx

Thanks for listening x

Sally (sad) xx

Are you sure its a not a case of you don't want him but you don't want anyone else to have him either.

Domayne

My ex and I broke up 2 years ago this Sunday coming and I feel your pain OP, There's not a day that goes by that I don't think about him.
Deep down, I think I know our relationship would never have worked and it's for the best, I also think that I do look back on our relationship with rose tinted glasses...but the heart wants what it wants, you can't help it and I don't think you should just 'settle' for the sake of being with someone...I've tried being with other people since my ex, but it hasn't felt right or like you, I just compare them to him...Until we meet one who is 'right for us' I don't believe in 'the one' - I think we need to take the time to rediscover ourselves and what we want and learn to be happy alone, I think being with someone who doesn't make you happy now is just looking for even more heartache down the line...Like people have said, you are not a charity case and his wife leaving him isn't your fault, Tell him you love him dearly as a friend but you need to be alone right now for 'insert reason here' Then you are more open to finding one who WILL make you happy, but really think about this guy you are with now and if you broke up today...would you miss him? Would It just be repeating what you are going through with the last ex? Is it a case of 'wanting what you can't have?'........

mitchie.h

The best advice when it comes to love is to follow your heart... It's hard to go on with life with full of regrets or "what ifs"

He's not married yet right? and everyday you are sinking, sad and been regretful. What if you tell him what you feel? Just to let your feelings out?

If I were in your shoe, that's what I am going to do - I don't want to end up regretful and have this burden in my heart forever. If he just laughs, then so be it, you'll learn to let go after that. But what if he says he still loves you too?

go_cat

I would say probably in the last 3 years you have managed to build him up in your mind into this perfect partner . If it was that perfect you wouldn't have split in the first place.

It's easy to do and we are all guilty of doing this with ex's but you need to think about what was bad about your relationship not how great it was

Think about yoUr current partner, what does he do for you, how does he really make you feel ....do you want to be with him or are you making do ? If yes to the last part of that then you maybe need to let him go and find someone who loves him for who he is.


As others have said you maybe need some support to sort this in your mind.

Sorry if this seems harsh it's easier looking into a situation

fluffnutter

mitchie.h wrote: »

The best advice when it comes to love is to follow your heart... It's hard to go on with life with full of regrets or "what ifs"

He's not married yet right? and everyday you are sinking, sad and been regretful. What if you tell him what you feel? Just to let your feelings out?

If I were in your shoe, that's what I am going to do - I don't want to end up regretful and have this burden in my heart forever. If he just laughs, then so be it, you'll learn to let go after that. But what if he says he still loves you too?

She dumped him three years ago. He's got a new woman. He's going to marry her. I can guarantee he's not spent the last three years sobbing every day. He doesn't still love her.

If an ex pitched up after three years of no communication (having recently found out I was about to get married) moaning they still loved me I'd tell them to do one. Trust me, now is not the time to get all misty-eyed about lost opportunities and fate. He's planning his wedding - how rude to pitch up trying to throw a spanner in the works. Particularly as she dumped him.

FBaby

What makes it hard is the acceptance that he will now never be ours. There are no going back, no changing your mind, he is about to be a married man. It is also the acknowledgement that he has managed to fall in love again and so much so that he wants to commit when you are with someone who deep inside you know isn't the one.

I think you haven't moved on just because you haven't fallen in love again so you hang on to this guy as being the one and now having missed your chance. One day you will get your heart beating madly again and the desire to spend the rest of you life with the new guy and I can promise when that happens, you will see that ex with very different eye. You will compare him to your new guy and he won't match him up one bit.

In the meantime, don't stay with your man out of pity. It is the worse thing you can do for him. Yes he will be heartbroken again, but the quicker he meets someone else to build a loving relationship with the better, as much as for you.

sadsally

Thankyou for all the replies x particually Fbaby, you are very wise xxx