I was supposed to be getting married in 6 months..

I-Heart-Me

kacie wrote: »

I'm sorry to hear this, no advice but I understand the pain of the relationship ending when you are due to be getting married soon. Mine ended a few months ago, and I still haven't got around to deciding what I want to do with my bought and paid for wedding dress.

Me either, I only picked it up last weekend. its so sad as I LOVE it. Im so gutted

I-Heart-Me

C_Mababejive wrote: »

How can you "throw him out" of his own house? That would be illegal and a possible assault wouldnt it?

I phoned the CAB Scotland and they said if it was unbearable then I could throw him out and he would still be liable for half the mortgage. It was the hardest thing I have ever done but I don't deserve to be treated like this. I found out he's been cheating with two women - he is 32, one girl was at school and the other a married woman with a child - disgusting in my opinion. I am sad and angry and worried and feeling guilty as hell all at the same time. My amazing life is over

I-Heart-Me

LandyAndy wrote: »

It certainly isn't 'enforceable'.

Legally he can come back when he wants and I can't stop him and I am not going to. Yes I threw him out but he deserved it however I worry where he is sleeping and if he has money etc. If he asked and needed a bed I would not say no. We were together for 9 years and was the man I was going to spend the rest of my life with, I am not looking to make his life hell or make this messy. I just need to know what I need to sort and how. Obviously I am worried he loses his job today so I don't know if he can even pay the bills and what will happen to me now

I-Heart-Me

itsanne wrote: »

Why on earth would the OP want to take him back if he did?

Upsetting as it is just now, she's well shot of him and ultimately far better off than if this had happened after the wedding.

Thank you, its really hard for me to think like this right now but I need to tell myself I deserve better. I was so happy and honestly felt like I was living the dream. I could not wait to marry him. Im 31, I feel like thats it for me. I wasn't interested in material things (although I do well for myself), all I wanted was to be his Mrs, be happy and have a family

aileth

I-Heart-Me wrote: »

...one girl was at school....

:shocked::shocked::shocked::shocked::shocked:

Thank your lucky stars you didn't marry him!

I-Heart-Me

itsanne wrote: »

Does this have any bearing on changing the locks?


OP, will the change be done with or without your ex's agreement? I'm assuming he would have to agree. The reason for the question is that if he is in agreement with it, it seems unlikely that he would be trying to return to the house anyway so you wouldn't need to worry.

It's great that your father is willing to help and impressive that you're sorting things so quickly at such a horrible time. It might be more difficult, but wouldn't a clean financial break be easier in the long run? It's difficult to see how, given his previous finances and new situation re court, you'd be able to force your ex to pay up even if CAB are telling you he is liable (which sounds unlikely given that the bills are in your name and you are not married).

Good luck.

I believe it will be done without his agreement. However, I am not looking to leave him with nothing as we have lived there for 7 years together. After the sequestration everything had to be in my name bill-wise so I was hoping that if my dad could complete this, then I could sell the house, give him back his £5k, pay off all the debt we have together then split whats left. I see that as the fairest way for me so I am not caught out with this. I really don't want this to be messy, just want to protect myself as much as possible.

I guess if my dad jointly owns the house with me then I can freely change the locks. I don't understand if its the deeds and the mortgage that change over or just the deeds? Gosh it all sounds so daunting to me right now.

C_Mababejive

I-Heart-Me wrote: »

I phoned the CAB Scotland and they said if it was unbearable then I could throw him out and he would still be liable for half the mortgage. It was the hardest thing I have ever done but I don't deserve to be treated like this. I found out he's been cheating with two women - he is 32, one girl was at school and the other a married woman with a child - disgusting in my opinion. I am sad and angry and worried and feeling guilty as hell all at the same time. My amazing life is over

I am not familiar with Scottish law but aside from some specific areas, i doubt it differs that much from English law with regard to base principles. I would submit that the civilian CAB advisor has misinformed you.

The confusion here is between emotional issues and the LAW of the land.

The LAW of the land would appear to suggest that your ex partner has a legal right of occupation as do you.

If you make verbal and physical threats then you may be deemed to be engaging in criminal activity which if detected by an officer of the law, my result in you being at least warned and if there is sufficient evidence,,arrested and possibly charged.

Now then, there is no need for such a fracas. Just simply agree that the relationship is over and try to get along until the formalities are settled. Did you say you have a child together? Very well,think of the child.

The "Amen Corner" of embittered women may well say throw him out and change the lock. That is an emotional response and one which doesnt not stand up to examination in law.

May i refer you to The Trusts Of Land And Appointment Of Trustees Act 1996 ?

I have assisted a male in your ex partners position in litigation in which a high street solicitor sought to bring a case involving TOLATA and family law to force the male to leave the family home. It was a total bluff, he stayed,we won.

Be fair with your ex. Separate emotional and legal /formalities.

BTW,did you suggest that your ex has engaged in sexual activity with a minor? has this matter been reported?

paulineb_2

Have you actually got some housing/legal advice about changing the locks or not.

I have to say that honestly, you are 31, you have obviously been through a massive shock, but you really dont want to be married to someone like that. Its not all over for you. Im ten years older than you and then some and Im not married, but your life is your life, I dont have a terrible life because Im single, if you really do want to meet someone again take your time and get over this, its one day at a time stuff

Please get some advice on this, dont just go changing the locks because the citizens advice said so or if people on here think its ok, you have to make sure you know where you stand legally so nothing can come back and bite you on the bum at a later date. Just because he cheated doesnt mean he wont be entitled to seek legal advice himself.

RAS

On a practical note

1. Get yourself down to the GUI clinic for a check-up.
2. Is there room to take in a lodger whilst you get the property sold? You may need to assume he will not help pay the bills.
3. Speak to the mortgage provider and tell them what has happened.

And get yourself to a lawyer as you need to fully understand the issue regarding the mortgage (is his name on that? and the deeds part owned by the accountancy firm).

C_Mababejive

RAS wrote: »

On a practical note

1. Get yourself down to the GUI clinic for a check-up.
2. Is there room to take in a lodger whilst you get the property sold? You may need to assume he will not help pay the bills.
3. Speak to the mortgage provider and tell them what has happened.

And get yourself to a lawyer as you need to fully understand the issue regarding the mortgage (is his name on that? and the deeds part owned by the accountancy firm).

She doesnt need a lodger. Her ex has not left and he is jointly and separately liable for the mortgage. I would encourage all males and females engaging in sexual activity especially with a new partner,to get an MoT.