toddler son 'attacking' baby sister!

an9i77

As the title says really. My nearly 3 year old son has begun 'attacking' his baby sister of three months, he will go over to her and the words that spring to mind are 'cat with a mouse'. I will tell him 'be gentle' and he starts stroking her but moves on to hitting/slapping/pinching if I do not stop him. I don't leave them alone together but can't watch his every move. Nor do I want to prevent him having any physical contact with her at all.

Yesterday I was in the post office and she was on the floor in her car seat, I was distracted talking to the clerk and he tried to stand on top of her! It is not the first time he has done this.

Someone has said he is doing it to get a reaction from me and it is true, I do react quite strongly - shout at him and once when he hit her I even lightly hit him back, I was just so angry at him for hurting her as she is so defenceless.

What is the best way to deal with this? He has only just started doing it quite recently as before he was fairly gentle with her, I think the honeymoon period of having a new baby has worn off for him and he realises he now has to share mum forever.

I have told him he is only to touch her on her arms or legs but he ignores me, and besides is quite capable of pulling/pinching her limbs.

There must be others out there who have gone through this with a second child, please tell me what you did !

BitterAndTwisted

I'm afraid you do have to watch his every move! He's used to having your undivided attention and now there's this interloper taking most of your attention, suckling on those breasts that used to be his and only his and who doesn't intreact with him much, if at all. And when he does try to interact you shout at him and then have smacked him. He's not old enough to understand how protective you need to be of her, he's much too young for that.

When baby is having her naps your attention is solely on him and nothing else. Tell him how nice it is that baby's asleep so you can have your nice time together on your own like you always did.

Meanwhile acquire eyes in the back of your head.

Kayalana99

You really do need eyes in back of your head lol, mine is 16months and near 4months and he is only just understanding the word no(which he reacts with a big cheeky grin and carrys on)

God help if I turned my back for 2min !

maman

I'm afraid B&T is right. In the little lad's perception, negative attention is better than no attention at all. I'd agree that heaps of praise for anything he does right, a calm word if he does anything wrong and try to make time for him on his own.

P.S. It does get better. Years ago, I saw my neighbour's toddler slap his baby sister. Mum came running instantly, so he got the attention he wanted. Both grown up now and the best of friends.

GobbledyGook

Sadly you do have to have eyes in the back of your head.

Does your lo have a moses basket or somewhere you put her during the day? When my DD2 was in her basket DD1 wasn't allowed to touch her. It was also a sort of signal to DD1 that Mummy was hers again for a while.

Also we bought a few fun toys that we played with sat on the floor with DD2 on my lap. They weren't expensive, but they were 'from' DD2 for the two of them to try and associate her with nice things.

You have my sympathies. You really have to have eyes in the back of your head. Also as tempting as it is to use the time the baby is asleep to tidy up, get organised or have a shower you probably need to make that big brother time solely.

Try to ignore the negative and fuss the positive lots.

Person_one

I'm not a parent, just an aunt of many, but positive reinforcement is equally effective amongst most mammals.

Show him the behaviour you want (treating his sister gently and kindly) and then praise him to the sky and back when he does it.

At 3, he's about the age where he can start to develop a bit of empathy and an understanding of other people's feelings, play on that. Also, be prepared to neglect his baby sister a bit to ensure he gets plenty of one to one time with you. She'll be fine, he's actually more important at this crucial stage in their sibling relationship.

mrcow

Don't make a fuss of him when he does it.

Make a fuss of her.

Say no very sternly to him and then pick her up and give her a cuddle. Make him associate that by doing it, he is not going to get attention, she is.

BitterAndTwisted

^^^^^Blimey! That sounds precisely like a recipe for making the little 'un even more resentful than he already is^^^^



Why would anyone want to punish a three year old in such an unkind way? And risk making his attention on the baby even more furtive and unfavourable.



At the moment he's much too young to appreciate the consequences of his actions

mrcow

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

At the moment he's much too young to appreciate the consequences of his actions

He's three.

He's more than old enough to appreciate consequences!

Person_one

mrcow wrote: »

He's three.

He's more than old enough to appreciate consequences!

He's just trying to get his needs met, he's not evil. He needs attention from his mum and poking the baby works.

GobbledyGook

He's two and needs reassurance that this new person that has arrived in his life isn't more important than he is.

So I'd agree with not fussing over his behaviour. A simple no and moving on, but at two I don't think he needs to see his sister getting even more fussing.